The Pain Of The Ex

[BlueOrange]

My first marriage lasted 9 years. Marriage 2 has had its first slump, which is pretty much over now, we're almost as good as we were during courtship, and stronger for it.

I'm starting to remember the positives of that first marriage, which is extremely painful. I learned to dissociate from people who weren't in my life anymore as a kid; missing things I had lost was dangerous. Missing the toxic ex-wife feels like a betrayal of myself and of the upgrade. But I do miss her. And I'm not OK with that yet.

 

[ladee]

I still miss my last ex sometimes. We did have some good times at the beginning.
For me it is simply part of the grief process. Things I couldn't or didn't deal with at the time.
Its not a betrayal..or at least not for me. Its like anything else I'm doing on this healing journey....seeking balance.
Hope you cut yourself some slack for being human. To me it implies healing that there are some good thoughts surfacing.
Be nice yo YOU!

 

[The Albatross]

You're doing something different - allowing the positive memories to come forward without disassociating from them. It's progress to stay with the thoughts, though I would pick apart being "painful" or feeling like a betrayal" because in truth there is good and bad in all relationships.

Perhaps to counter the feelings you can think and do some things to affirm your commitment to your 2nd wife? Sure would be good to bolster things in the "now" in your current marriage.

 

[BlueOrange]

You're doing something different - allowing the positive memories to come forward without disassoc...

That's a really good point. Had a really good day with the upgrade yesterday, and today is starting well :)