Sexual Assault The Perpetrator

[WonderingWhy]

Thank you for sharing.

 

[Lucycat]

My abuser has gone to jail still denying any memory of what he did. He pleaded guilty because the evidence was stacked against him, but still said he did not remember. The judge said he would have a hard time in jail where they will try, through some 'treatment program' to make him take responsibility for his actions.

I won't be holding my breath!

 

[Nyx]

I don't think I would be able to believe the "sorry" part. Especially coming from my father. He cried that day. First he told me to kill him, then he tried to hang himself, then, when he woke up in the hospital, he started crying. And although I had only seen him cry one time before - when his mother died -, I still can't believe it was remorse. My T is still trying to help me figure out why I feel this way. She asked me if I saw any of his gestures that day as a form of penitence, but I didn't. I still don't. And I don't think it would help me to hear those words from him. Wouldn't do me any good. I think it would just make me angry. Or angrier.

May I ask why this question? I'm curious what line of thoughts brought you here...

 

[Nicolette]

May I ask why this question? I'm curious what line of thoughts brought you here...

Who is this question directed to Nyx?

 

[Nyx]

Oh, sorry, didn't realize the confusion I was creating. The question was directed to WW:

I'm curious if any one has ever had the "Perp" show remorse and give a sincere apology

 

[WonderingWhy]

May I ask why this question? I'm curious what line of thoughts brought you here...

Certainly.:) And.... I'll even answer!!!!! ;)

I was thinking about how many years "he" has remained arrogant and intimidating. Far from "remorse".
I thought about how another one (whom I haven't seen since around the incident) seemed himself embarassed and ashamed. He never did apologize. However I don't think my perception was wrong in feeling like he was VERY remorseful. It just made me wonder had I ever seen him after a longer time had passed if he might have apologized. Then I wondered if anyone here had someone "truly, sincerely apologize"

This might just be a unique case, as he although did participate, even at the time he looked like a "deer caught in headlights" Like he only acted out of fear of what would be said to him or done to him, had he not.

I honestly felt and still do feel sorry for him. This might sound a bit odd. I have always viewed "just him" as also a kind of victim. Had he ever asked my forgiveness I believe I would have given it. Not sure if this makes any sense. I guess I was just kind of wondering if anyone had ever felt "pity" for someone that had taken part in such a hurtful action towards them. Maybe I'm just really crazy.

 

[Lucycat]

I don't think that's crazy at all.

I had to work through my feelings of feeling sorry for my abuser being in jail, because it's my evidence that sent him there... I just could not get that HE created that evidence!! Sounds so daft now, but I had to have an EMDR session to get that through my (very) thick skull:oops:

 

[WonderingWhy]

I know, it does seem odd to me, but I feltthat way during, right after, and still to this day.
Logically even if he did not want to; HE clearly had a choice and could have walked away. For whatever reason he chose not to walk away and chose to participate. I certainly had NO choice. I won't say that I have no anger towards him, but I do still have this sense or feeling of him being a victim of sorts.

Maybe one day I can sort through my confusion of it all. right now I am getting a headache and a bit anxious with some flashbacks just discussing this. Take care.

 

[Nyx]

I don't think it's crazy either. If you felt that, it must have been there. I can't say I feel pity for any of them, but I would understand why you would. These are very different circumstances and I don't think there are "standards" for how we feel about our abusers. So please don't consider yourself crazy, it's really good to analyze.

 

[Nyx]

Maybe one day I can sort through my confusion of it all. right now I am getting a headache and a bit anxious with some flashbacks just discussing this. Take care.

Please relax and take it easy on yourself, okay? Give yourself time to calm down. :hug: