May I make a suggestion.......why not make the first step being finding an avatar that reflects how you want to be? Then when you come here you are not starting by looking a picture representing you which illustrates a person being stuck, sad and gloomy? I mean this in the most respectful way.......you can only change your situation and each little thing helps.
It's why this is my avatar. A woman phoenix that rises from the ashes and pain to become strong, fierce, free.