Poll Did your csa abuser also experience csa?

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

My abuser watched porn and made me watch it before molesting me. He was also a kid and I don't think he was sexually abused by a person but the internet encouraged him, it's what I call an "abuserless crime" (like how you can have a victimless crime) because the abuser in this situation would be the internet which can't be blamed as it isn't a person, his parents (who did not directly assault him) are to blame. I also consider myself in the same position because my abuser did not know what abuse or discipline meant and his consequences were only just catching up to him, so it would be like blaming someone for taking a medication they weren't told the side effects for. He doesn't remember any of it, so based off what I remember, he wasn't sexually abused but had obvious ADHD and a very difficult home life.

very similar situation here. but mine was the same age as me, and it’s only a best guess he was exposed to porn but I share the same feelings. parents’ responsibility, kid perps are victims too, if not of actual abuse then neglectful parenting. tough situation but I’m glad you have your head around this aspect. makes it easier to heal.

poor parenting around the internet has a lot to answer for.

 

[iforgivebayley]

@iforgivebayley thats awesome you are considering ways to make the Internet safer.


My dad’s dad raped his sister for much of her childhood. When my grandpa and grandma married she had a 4yo daughter and Grandpa adopted her, Lolita style. He did it under the guise of being an enlightened Bohemian who was sexually free and a naturist.

Yuck! Very skewed perception of both family and sex from your dad's dad then. You know, I was looking into Buddhism and went to a meditation session in the summer but had really strong intrusive thoughts about being gang raped and had to exit everyone there was lovely and a woman helped me get grounded afterwards, but there are definitely a few oversexed new age Bohemians out there in the aether. It's tough. I read another one of your posts talking about the unfamiliarity of healthy relationships and I can only relate it to this which is slightly different. Being told something is "natural" and "safe" when it's clearly not makes another thing described as such seem dangerous and immediately my guard's gonna go up. In regards to actual precepts about enlightenment, your grandpa (if I can call him that) was far off. The actual path to that kind of life involves detachment, respect and a whole lot of reflection, he was the furthest from 'sexually free' !! On a more down-to-earth note, that should never have happened to you or your family and I'm sorry it did. You're doing a tremendous job at figuring things out and putting things in their more appropriate places

 

[iforgivebayley]

very similar situation here. but mine was the same age as me, and it’s only a best guess he was exposed to porn but I share the same feelings. parents’ responsibility, kid perps are victims too, if not of actual abuse then neglectful parenting. tough situation but I’m glad you have your head around this aspect. makes it easier to heal.

poor parenting around the internet has a lot to answer for.

Much more to answer for than it does :-( justice is pretty impossible, the only option for me is to forgive without it feeling like submission, which is tricky and inconsistent but honest. I'm wishing nothing but the best for you, it's not often I hear about similar experiences that've resulted in PTSD or similar symptoms

 

[anthony]

I am asking not as a way to excuse it, but just to understand. It seems relevant. I mean, I know it’s kind of well known. Also, maybe they didn’t experience csa but they experienced other kinds of abuse? Idk where I’m going with this. I think it’s part of trying to *see* the structure?

I think this is an excellent poll. Very relevant to cyclic abuse.

 

[Rose White]

Thanks @anthony !