The Rage Is Sneaking In Again...

[OldDoorGunner]

OldDoorGunner, PTSD is the least known emotional scarring there is. The knowledge from people that work with it, is just now building up.
It's been a "If we ignore it it goes away" thing for so long.
Imagine a therapist, fresh out of school or even long time working. Great on whatever but they never saw and did what we experienced.
It's the least known one and often experts just don't know wtff to do with it.

dutchiedelta, I agree with you. But what I was trying to tell DrBlack is he has RIGHTS in dealing with the VA. If he does not like what his therapist is doing, he can ask for a new therapist. If the drugs he is given don't work, make him sick or makes his PTSD worst he has the right to change them. Some of the therapist/docs want total control and thats BS and I will not put up with it......

I have beed dealing with the Beast for over 40 years, plus the pain it has caused during that time.(adding to the PTSD) The VA has been working on PTSD since ? 1982 and according to a new DOD & VA report just released on PTSD and what good they have done.....Thay can not prove any improvment at all in curing PTSD!!! None..........In another report that was just released on in patient care for PTSD, was dismal at best....

I think a lot of us old guys & gals know the answer to PTSD. It can not be cured!!! We can learn how to live with it, learn what it is, learn to control it (some better than others) but we will never be cured of it......

DOD & VA back in 1982 said we can cure PTSD! Since that point in time, that is what they have been trying to do, find a cured. Not saying that was wrong, but at some point (after all these years) the answer should be.......It's incurable!!! We deal with other things in our bodies that are incurable. So why not PTSD?

We do have some good tools in dealing with the Beast, that have come from them looking for a cure. CBT, teaching us what it is, drugs, a lot of what we have today helps us to learn how to live with it. For me, acceptance works best. Even CPT is helping a few and it was the latest and greatest (cure) coming from the VA. I have lost count have many cures the VA has come out with. Some do help a little, but cure? No......

J R

 

[Deleted member 43454]

DrBlack, are you dealing with a VA Hospital, CBOC or a Vet Center? Only having 2 counseling appointments, before sending you to an anxiety group, does not sound right to me. If he did that with me I would have told him NO!!! I would have done it nicely, told him I am not ready for that.

OldDoorGunner, I'm dealing with the VA Hospital. It's like a branch department a little further up the road from the main VA for all the mental health stuff I suppose. I suppose acceptance is what I struggle with. But I'm 25... what am I going to do if I can't get tolerable to the point of working? I have to do something. I know I have the beast. This Venlafaxine seems to be working so I'm going with it for now.

 

[dutchiedelta]

I think a lot of us old guys & gals know the answer to PTSD. It can not be cured!!! We can learn how to live with it, learn what it is, learn to control it (some better than others) but we will never be cured of it......



J R

Man oh man, it pushes all my red buttons when someone tells me it can be cured.
Medical people, well meaning friends who googled....
But you can be cured, it says so on the internet if you follow this guy's programme...

A lot of people learn to live with it but there ain't no cure. It's a life sentence.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

OldDoorGunner, I'm dealing with the VA Hospital. It's like a branch department a little further up the road from the main VA for all the mental health stuff I suppose. I suppose acceptance is what I struggle with. But I'm 25... what am I going to do if I can't get tolerable to the point of working? I have to do something. I know I have the beast. This Venlafaxine seems to be working so I'm going with it for now.

I know it's hard brother, I was once 25 and at that time did not know I had the Beast. Here are some things you should know.

Since I had PTSD I could not hold a job very long, (this went on for years) I did not pay a lot into SS. That means I have no SSDI because I did not pay in enought and PTSD at the time was not a disability. (It's a catch 22 for me, because I was older) However if I was younger like you are today and got a disability for PTSD I would have been eligible for SSDI. So....what I am trying to say here is you should be able to get SSDI after your get a VA disability for PTSD. (I think the VA helps with this)

Now lets look at VA's Individual Unemployability (TDIU or IU) What this means is you can not hold a job because of the PTSD.....This is what I put on my claim for IU; FlashBacks, nightmares, lost of sleep, anxiety and panic attacks. How could one hold a job, when dealing with all this? The VA agreed and I got my IU for 30%, so that put me at 100%

The hard part for you is you age. You want to work and that brother is not a bad thing at all. I wanted to work, but things just did not work out for me at the time, how could they? So you should be thinking what's best for you? Working or not working? Trying to work can add to your anxiety and maybe panic attacks (A Heavy Shit Load) that in turn feeds the Beast. With time, it becomes a vicious cycle, that will make it a lot worst. There is nothing wrong with being 100% disabled at 25. You put all on the line, so you earned it.......

As to the acceptance, yes it's hard a first. But does get easier with time. Start with some easy ones, like when you turn on the light switch, you accept that the light will come on. ;) I accepted totally that I had PTSD and a light in my mind turned on....I accepted that as fact, so now it's no big deal I have the Beast. That is now behind me and I can now move forward in learning how to live with the Beast.

J R

 

[Sarg]

I have lost count have many cures the VA has come out with

Bout one a year, JR. They kill a few Veterans experimenting on us and then do the crawdad shuffle and admit it doesn't do a damn thing (if they will even admit it). Risperadone is just one of many. My VA shrink put me on it, I looked it up on the drugs.com and they looked like the body count on D-Day. Not to mention growing tits on little kids. Ambulance chasers are going wild.

It's like this giant grain of sand stuck in their craw. They would give billions of taxpayer money to find a cure.

Oh, and good advice, JR!

Sarg

 

[Deleted member 43454]

I just wanna say that I'm glad I found this forum. The experience you guys have helps a lot. Even though at times it can be a lot of information to digest. I'd be in a real shitty spot if I hadn't come here. You all are awesome. And I thank you for your advice J.R.
I got a little problem where I over-think things a lot so it can take me some time to respond every now and again.

This psychologist I got I don't feel really grasps what I'm trying to say because I can't describe it well enough. When I get there it's like oh you are frustrated? That's because you have goals so it's a good thing you want to get better. I'm like yea... no shit. I brought up a few points to him about stress and how I'm going to be able to manage later on. He keeps insisting I stick with this group therapy and it's incredibly awkward when even the other vets in the room are taking notice to your behavior. My mind drifts so easy now.

I feel this sense of judgement in this womans eye's as she sits across the table from me assessing behavior I guess. A fear. I dislike that a great deal. I can't even make eye contact for very long when someones explaining things to me because I don't want them to see my eyes I suppose. I don't want to scare the shit out of people. Anyway this sly f*cker is totally rushing me through, he's already trying to set me up with quitting smoking now after two group appointments lol. After I blatantly explained during the group that I didn't feel I was anywhere close to ready for that yet.

I have a lot of thinking to do... as usual.
Thanks again.

 

[Grizzly]

I overthink things too. I think it must be a part of the beast. I'm told at work I always over analyze. Quitting smoking is a good thing for everyone. Maybe for someone with PTSD it's not. Not until you fully develop your own coping mechanisms. Like all the guys more experienced here say. One day at a time. Maybe one thing at a time. I don't know. I have definitely learned a lot about this and myself in a short time though by being here.

 

[Sarg]

Mine is picking a therapy session apart into a million pieces. "Did she mean that I...." . "Should I have told her two or...". You'll drive yourself crazy doing that shit. I don't care how much you mind you Ps and Qs, how much you rehearse, how much you plan, life don't run on our frequency. Murphey's Law, Bad luck, and plain old shit creek seems to follow us around all the time.

The secret is to rise above, and I ain't preachin'. You did what the "average" kid didn't, you wore a uniform they were afraid of and you did more in a year or two than four civilians could do in a life time. So, hold your head up. Push through this crap. You did your country a big one! People can't look down on you, they gotta look up.

I do it too. And I can't, for the life of me know why. We run ourselves down. That's wrong thinking. Just wrong.

Sarg

 

[Grizzly]

The secret is to rise above, and I ain't preachin'. You did what the "average" kid didn't, you wore a uniform they were afraid of and you did more in a year or two than four civilians could do in a life time. So, hold your head up. Push through this crap. You did your country a big one! People can't look down on you, they gotta look up.

I do it too. And I can't, for the life of me know why. We run ourselves down. That's wrong thinking. Just wrong.

Sarg

I've never thought of it in that direction. And you're right.

 

[reddevil1111]

I agree about the running ourselves down. I feel like I let others down getting PTSD. Its hard to explain to others who don't seem to care.

In the long run there is NO ONE who cares that you have PTSD. NO ONE. your loved ones put up with it due to love. But no person I have ever run into does not roll their eyes when PTSD comes up. No matter who it is.

I grew up with no love. Seriously. I didn't get hugged till I was 25. A woman hugged me in a church. That was my first time someone honestly gave a shit. I thought hard about that. I seem to pick people that are decent to be in my life. I choose bad women to date/marry. I think it comes from the childhood.

Stopping smoking when first getting into treatment for PTSD. WOW that would be a lot to do. On the other hand it could help you to focus and provide distraction from the bad shit. Seriously I would never think to try it. But quitting is good for you.

There is a lot of guilt associated with PTSD. Guilt for living when others have not. Guilt for being injured with no visible wounds. I had gotten wounded. I still feel that way. My scars are not that visible so its easily dismissed. Sometimes I find myself wishing I was missing a limb just so people would stop looking at me like there was nothing wrong...shit!

 

[Friday]

Ha. If I'd tried to quit smoking back when I was new I'd have lost my everlovin mind. Wait.

Confession: I "quit" smoking 2 years ago. Cough. Blush. Cough. By, errrrrrrr, um, switching to mints. Nicotine mints. Which, um, ahhhhh... Yeah. I still suck on. 2 years later. Taking in more nicotine than back when I was chainsmoking. Like dip without needing to spit. I have no plan on quitting the mints. (Never did). The only reason I quit smoking was to give myself an element of control over my divorce (if I make this suck worse than it already does, then it's my fault, then If it's my fault I can fix it, because it's not totally out of my control). Although now I like the sneak-aspect that I can "smoke" without anyone knowing it. LOL. It's taken me back to the days you could smoke anywhere. Or even when you could still smoke in bars.

 

[Sarg]

3 packs a day, Pall Malls, have looked down at ashtrays with three burning at a time. Bar, beer, cigs and country music. E-haw! One of these days, I'm going to sit down and try to count the ways I've tried to destroy myself. That is why I am so blown away with these e-cigs. I figured one day. I haven't had a cigarette in 5-6 weeks. That's why I whisper it, don't want myself to know!

I am still hooked on the nicotine, but now have a way to slowly decrease the concentration of it. I was spending $300 every two weeks on cigs. I spend $15-20/wk. now? Yeah, that'll work. Not selling the things, just telling you guys what's out there.

Yeah, I've known folks that use the gum for years. Hey, it's still better than getting all that smoke in your lungs.

Sarg