Relationship The Start Of "future" Talks

[Deleted member 27524]

So I'm pretty excited as me and my sufferer had a general talk yesterday about living together. I think he was surprised to hear that I didn't expect a storybook relationship. He explained that he thought good communication was the key to making it work and he said it would just take some adjustment for him as he's been single thirteen years. I told him I knew he'd have bad days, nights, weeks, months and days he couldn't touch me or maybe nights he wouldn't sleep in the same bed as me. Days that he was normal with everyone but me. Maybe silly but we discussed a code word. It's very hard to think that I may possibly walk up to hug him and be shunned away so we said maybe just one word he'd say to me that I'd know he's struggling and then I'd back off and let him come to me when he's ready. That for me is much better than possibly just being turned away from when I'm trying to be affectionate to him. I know him well enough to know that he'd never wanna hurt me by being cold when he was overwhelmed and just didn't mean to be.

It made him feel good when I voiced some things I expected that came with living with him almost like I already have been and he was relieved.

In general my vet is a very loving man. He's affectionate to me a lot and he likes his share of it too. Even now at long distance we are at a point that when he's struggling he will contact me daily even if just for a few minutes and I think how hard that must be for him but he still pushes through. Yesterday he even used the word "love". He didn't say he loved me but as we discussed in a prior post talk is cheap and he does prove his feelings to me daily but for him to even use the "L" word in the reference that he did is huge for him. Never heard him say that in these last three years we've been in each other's lives.

We are growing as a couple and I realized the other night he told me something and immediately I knew he let me in a little deeper and showed me a piece of the hell that he lives. I felt humbled that he shared it with me. In fact I'm really glad we had our recent convo because I think now he feels such relief to know that I understand it will be bumpy but I'm not going into it blinded. Communicating is definitely the key and it's something were actually getting really good at.

 

[queen]

Communicating is definitely the key and it's something were actually getting really good at.

That's awesome! It's nice to see forward progress in relationships because reading these posts helps me see hope and light and possibility. Communication is something that my guy struggles with a lot. He knows he does, and he tells me how hard it is to open up, especially about relationships and emotions. I'm reminding myself to be patient, give him time and space, and hopefully he'll see that it's okay to be a little more vulnerable. So many times it seems like two steps forward, three steps back.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

Yes, I agree! D and I have really been through it in these last three years.If you'd told me back then this big 6'4 straight faced fireman would ever talk to me in baby talk I'd have told you when pigs fly. He's amazing and well worth the wait to gain his trust. Heck he's coming in this weekend to take me shopping and I said "aww you don't have to do that, I'm not with you for the money. I really wanted to go see the Christmas lights." He said "I know your not here for my money and we can go shopping, to the lights, go eat, take a walk..anything you wanna do." He owns a few cabins in Colorado and he was talking about how beautiful it is at Christmas there and he said "I'll take you there, you'll see." So definite progress on the future.

I think he was so used to being used for his looks, or being a fireman: business owner and definitely his money that he assumed no one would ever just love him for him and not what he could do for them. To me he's just my snuggly and nothin else matters. He's never told me he loves me but I did however get an "I'm crazy over you" just a few days ago! That was the best :) good luck!

 

[queen]

If you'd told me back then this big 6'4 straight faced fireman would ever talk to me in baby talk I'd have told you when pigs fly.

To me he's just my snuggly and nothin else matters.

^^^^^ This!! I love it! That is definitely progress..... Reading this, I was trying to imagine my guy talking to me in baby talk. Or tolerating me calling him my snuggly. It's literally making me laugh out loud. I remember one time, after spending the night at his place, I texted him and said that when he's sleeping, he's so sweet and cuddly and vulnerable. His reply was "Oh god." Hahahahaha..... Apparently anything's possible. Thanks for sharing that!