Childhood The Stigma Of Child Abuse

[Bragado Jansing]

Hello everyone,

I'm slowly working to get myself into therapy right now, and I feel pretty pathetic about it all.

I was abused as a kid and I feel like I'm some kind-of f*cked up freak/loser because I have all of these crazy problems from it. I've spent so long with these issues that I developed an entire identity and mental framework out of it. I think like, if I recover, then what the hell is life going to look like? I know it'll be completely different, in a better way, but that idea freaks me out a little.

It also makes me sick to my stomach to realize that I've been robbed of nearly half my life because of the scumbags I was born to. Ya know? It's still really hard for me to understand what hell happened to me. But if I want to get better, I realize I have to work through it, understand it, and move on with my life. I would love to finally have a normal life, after so many years struggling to have one.

Has anyone else felt this way? Does any gracious person out there have any experienced advice they could offer for this time in my life?

Thanks!

 

[Bragado Jansing]

I appreciate all the "likes" and everything, whatever those are worth, but does anyone here have anything they can SAY to me??? I thought this place was supposed to be a support group, not a "click like" group. Otherwise I wouldn't have shared this with you all.

 

[mary1979]

I think people are at a loss because you said it all..

And nobody wants to be a downer on you.

Will living with this get easier?
Yes with a lot of determination on your part.

Will it ever go away completely?
I do not know.
I keep retraumatising myself, so haven't allowed me the chance to find that out yet.

I've 'managed' symptoms at times, to the point I can function in life, raise kids, hold a job, have friends and a social life.
Still have yet to pull off a healthy adult relationship.
But I have hope.

Some times I look at others and their 'normal' lives with envy.

But know what?
Some of those same people are THE most vain and superficial a holes you will ever meet.
They are happy simply because happy to them is their fave tv show starting on time, or their latest fave designer shirts in stock and on sale.
They've never suffered, so they are blind to the pain of others
I am glad I am not that kind of happy.
And I'm grateful I have more depth.

We who have suffered most, help heal the world (maybe only the tiniest bit, but still, more than any kardashian and that to me is worth my suffering.

 

[Thinkbig]

Maybe some people don't know what to say...I hear you. I am just starting therapy, voluntarily that is, although I have done alot of research.

I understand what it's like facing the unknown. But I'm thinking anything is better than here. All our ways of surviving eventually stop working like they did when we were little and we have to start looking for new ways to cope if we want to move forward.

Maybe the best advice I have...never never never criticize ourselves for the things we did to survive. I think that's why people talk about going easy on ourself. I learned to keep everyone out and lock myself in. I hated myself more than anyone who abused me ever could. I carried it for years. Letting go isn't just that easy. It's literally trying to pry our own fingers off these beliefs that became engrained into who we are.

Or that's my perspective. My abuse started in diapers until I was 5. I never knew anything different. Change is not for the weak and we are definitely NOT weak!

Thanks for posting. Thanks for reaching out and being honest. Don't stop!

 

[Bragado Jansing]

I think people are at a loss because you said it all..

And nobody wants to be a downer on you.

Wi...

For me my life isn't really worth living with these problems, so I either get them taken care of, or I really don't know. I haven't had anything even resembling a normal life, beyond being able to get an education and work jobs. I've never been able to enjoy sex, haven't had friends in over a decade, I have no family whatsoever, and I'm currently living in total social isolation. I'm going nuts here! On top of that, nobody really gives a crap. A life broken and thrown away by the world, and everyone gets to watch it die before their very eyes.

Finding trauma therapists has been a huge pain in the butt, too. There are so many scam artists, creeps, and downright incompetent therapists out there. In addition to there being so many treatments available, most of them without any evidence supporting them. It's like navigating a jungle to try and find a professional, intelligent, competent therapist who uses the best evidence-based practices out there. I hope I can find one of those.

 

[mary1979]

'Never criticize for what you did to survive'

Agreed. Best advice ever.
Wish someone had explained that to me decades ago.

Wise words.

 

[mary1979]

For me my life isn't really worth living with these problems, so I either get them taken care o...

Have you considered online?
My youngest sister is having some success with her anxiety by being treated online, as she struggles to go out.

How old are you?
Seriously, all of what you describe can be managed.
I can promise you.

Its just no walk in the park, retraining your brain from a lifetime of bad habits is tough.
There's also medication to assist the process, I found them unhelpful (though this was a long time ago, my doctor tells me they've improved, so I'm anxiously waiting assessment to see what they will offer) but many have gained a lot from them.

I was treated 20 years ago with mostly cognitive behaviour therapy..
I was able to heal some things with it.

 

[Kintsugi]

I thought this place was supposed to be a support group, not a "click like" group. Otherwise I wouldn't have shared this with you all.

Sometimes it takes more than twelve hours for a post to garner written responses. I'm sure, given your impatience, people will now feel super motivated to put their time, energy, and heartfelt thought into responding to your very intimate questions in the future. :rolleyes:

 

[Suzetig]

On top of that, nobody really gives a crap. A life broken and thrown away by the world, and everyone gets to watch it die before their very eyes.

I can hear your pain in this, I do really. I wonder if it's worth thinking what people "giving a crap" would look like to you? The reason I say that is because if you don't know what you're looking for, you won't know whether it's reasonable to expect or indeed when you find it.

Finding a good therapist or tear men isn't easy and actually what has really worked for me is a modality not traditionally recognised for treating trauma - in that there isn't a researched evidence base. But it works for me. The thing is, if you go into everything thinking people are incompetent scam artists, that's what you're going to find.

 

[Bragado Jansing]

Finding a good therapist or tear men isn't easy and actually what has really worked for me is a modality not traditionally recognised for treating trauma - in that there isn't a researched evidence base. But it works for me. The thing is, if you go into everything thinking people are incompetent scam artists, that's what you're going to find.

I had a few bad experiences with therapists, so maybe I'm just generalizing here. I still have a lot of room to work with, I guess I'm just being childish about all this. This sucks and nothing's gonna make it not suck. Crappy reality to have to accept, but that's life, and it could be worse, right?

 

[Sideways]

It is a crappy reality. Very crappy. And it's unfair, and you didn't deserve it. And yeah, it could be worse.

Bit it could be better. Things can get better. But you do have to keep trying to get better. You have an illness that you need to recover from (can recover from). So the bad experiences are crappy, but you have to keep looking for the right T. They're out there.

Life changes when we start to heal. Life can get a whole lot better. So don't get stuck here. Keep working at it. It's worth it. You and the potential for your life - they're worth the hard work.

 

[mary1979]

I had a few bad experiences with therapists, so maybe I'm just generalizing here. I still have...

Its alright to feel sorry for yourself at times too.

Its really all on you, now you have control of your own fate, what will it be?
Crap therapists?
I have met those who didn't talk the way I need to be talk to, we didn't connect or whatever.
I have not met one I would call crap though.
It usually comes down to what you expect of them.
They cant fix us for us, they just hand us the tools. Its on you what you do with them.