The Up Coming Season, I Don't Think I Can Do It.

[Fadeaway]

It is bad every year, but I don't think I can go through it again. I already had a panic on the train when someone pointed out they were starting to put up lights around town. Now after seeing decoration in the store I have been a wreck all day, with the pain in my chest I don't have a word for. It just makes me want to reach in my chest and claw out all the ache.

It's just starting and I can't endure another moment of it already! Too much pain associated with this time of year. I don't have a television, so I can avoid all that, but it is hard to avoid online, although I still have some control there. What I can't avoid it trips out to the store, therapy and medical appointments. If I could, I would just lock myself in my house until January.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. Fall..Winter..The holidays....oh GAWD! :/

 

[hodge]

Fadeaway, I hear you. I have multiple bad anniversaries in November. I always hated winter anyway, now I have more reasons to hate it. Can you try, again I imagine, to deal with this in therapy? I'm so sorry you're going through this, hon. I hope it helps a little to know you are not alone in this. :hug:s

 

[Fadeaway]

I have talked to my therapist about it in the past, I'll bring it up in session this week. Trauma anniversary's on a day where everyone is celebrating just seems to make it all the more difficult.

I wish we could all just hang out on some sunny beach together and wait for this time to pass.

 

[hodge]

Yes, talk to your T about it, Fadeaway. Not everyone celebrates. It's a difficult day for me, too. I'm with you on the sunny beach thing. Maybe on that day, we can lie down in our respective beds and imagine having a nice time together on a sunny beach.

 

[Fadeaway]

I like that idea, thank you for making me smile.

 

[hodge]

I'm so glad, Fadeaway :-) We can have our sunglasses on, lounge on beach chairs, have a cocktail, maybe take a swim

 

[laurainalameda]

I pretty much ignore it. Hanukkah doesn't have much of a decorating burden. I personally believe presents are for children, as adults have income and can buy or save for what they want. So I buy presents for my kids, buy candles for the menorah, make some latkes (potato pancakes,;traditional), and call it done. No cards, no presents for adults, nothing else.

Extremely different than my family of origin which was Jewish and Christian and everything had to be perfect or mother went insane with endless photos where we were berated for not smiling properly, not being excited enough, thankful enough...usual narciccistc crap.

Before I married I volunteered in a soup kitchen on christmas, just to offer me perspective. Once I finished nursing school I always worked christmas. Now I am disabled and I have the traditional Jewish Christmas of Chinese food and a movie.

I view the store displays as though I am an anthropologist studying an odd and unknown culture. What could it all mean? Why so shiny? Many questions whose absurdity amuse me. Laura

 

[sun seeker]

Now after seeing decoration in the store I have been a wreck all day, with the pain in my chest I don't have a word for. It just makes me want to reach in my chest and claw out all the ache.

Me too. Sorry, I don't know what to say.

 

[Fadeaway]

The thought of wanting a family is sending me spiraling. Everyone takes it for granted that everyone must have one. I have never known the feeling of being APART of a family. I want to vomit due to wanting that so much, but you can't create family if you don't have one.

This time of the year is the worst for having that shoved into your face. The fact that there is nothing I can to to change the fact that I will never have the experience of celebrating a holiday with family. I can't even look back on memories because I never have experienced that. Take in to the fact that all my miscarriages and the kidnapping of my kids happened every time I was going to celebrate for the first time....

 

[sun seeker]

The thought of wanting a family is sending me spiraling. Everyone takes it for granted that everyone must have one.

I don't. :(

I'm so sorry. Just wanted to say I hear you and I do get it. It's so very painful. Makes me want to either run away or hibernate.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I don't speak with any of my abusive family and don't bother with the "festivities" with the one person I have left in my life. So I'd join you all on the beach if you'll have me ;) :cool: bah humbug. :p