I've never used a chat room to try to help with my PTSD, however my therapist wants to try to channel and prosses my trauma to help me move forward with my life. I have a long history of filling my holes with vices. It feels as though I can be addicted to anything, people, alcohol, ideas, feelings there seems to be no prejudice. I can't control what triggers me, sometimes it seems like the wind blowing will trigger me. My flashbacks have been gone for a while but I have these vivid dreams. I have a hard time on a daily basis trying to make the right choices because I constantly want to self sabotage. Can anyone give me advise, or can you relate, thank you all.
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Sufferer The Walls Constantly Cave In
- Post starter Jenny0h
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Hi @Jenny0h
I can relate - both to the addictive thing and the wind blowing triggering thing - though since being in therapy that has improved tenfold.
There's heaps of good jnformstion here and others who can relate.
Its great you're reaching out!
To be honest. I don't like the Internet, but this is one thing it's good for. Connecting with other sufferers.
Welcome and wishing you much healing!
I can relate - both to the addictive thing and the wind blowing triggering thing - though since being in therapy that has improved tenfold.
There's heaps of good jnformstion here and others who can relate.
Its great you're reaching out!
To be honest. I don't like the Internet, but this is one thing it's good for. Connecting with other sufferers.
Welcome and wishing you much healing!
Friday
Sponsor
Welcome to the forums.
I don't do the addict route exactly, but I tend to get very involved, very fast, in anything I set myself at. Whether or not that's something I actually want to be a part of... Or not. Normal rules just don't seem to apply. I think (looking back), that it's just me kicking into survival-mode. There's no real thought of the future, or what XYZ will mean long term. I want it now. I make it happen. And... Whoops... How the hell did I end up doing this, again? :confused: Right. I wanted A. Made A happen. That lead to B. Which led to CDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRStoooooop! Dammit. Look. Look before you effing leap. Really. It all made sense at the time. It's only in retrospect it all looks kinda sorta insane.
The biggest trick I have to avoid ^^^ that business? Is to wait. The more excited I am about something, the more I just need to shut my mouth, sit on my hands, and not do (or offer to do) whatever it is I want to. For now. If I still want to in a week / month / year? Sure. Go for it. In a sane(r) & (more) rational fashion.
Flying by the seat of my pants just simply works for me... When I don't give a rip about the consequences. I want what I want, when I want it, let's do this. Caring about those consequences? Has led to a whole lot of temperance. Not all the time, by any means, and -quite frankly- I suck at following the rules. Things other people find easy I find incredibly difficult. ((But why??? But why do it that way? That ways schtoooooooopid... Aaaaargh. I effing hate that way!)) So it's very much a work in progress. But, to date, it's the only way that doesn't have me collecting wreckage in my wake like a dang hurricane.
I don't do the addict route exactly, but I tend to get very involved, very fast, in anything I set myself at. Whether or not that's something I actually want to be a part of... Or not. Normal rules just don't seem to apply. I think (looking back), that it's just me kicking into survival-mode. There's no real thought of the future, or what XYZ will mean long term. I want it now. I make it happen. And... Whoops... How the hell did I end up doing this, again? :confused: Right. I wanted A. Made A happen. That lead to B. Which led to CDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRStoooooop! Dammit. Look. Look before you effing leap. Really. It all made sense at the time. It's only in retrospect it all looks kinda sorta insane.
The biggest trick I have to avoid ^^^ that business? Is to wait. The more excited I am about something, the more I just need to shut my mouth, sit on my hands, and not do (or offer to do) whatever it is I want to. For now. If I still want to in a week / month / year? Sure. Go for it. In a sane(r) & (more) rational fashion.
Flying by the seat of my pants just simply works for me... When I don't give a rip about the consequences. I want what I want, when I want it, let's do this. Caring about those consequences? Has led to a whole lot of temperance. Not all the time, by any means, and -quite frankly- I suck at following the rules. Things other people find easy I find incredibly difficult. ((But why??? But why do it that way? That ways schtoooooooopid... Aaaaargh. I effing hate that way!)) So it's very much a work in progress. But, to date, it's the only way that doesn't have me collecting wreckage in my wake like a dang hurricane.
i connect a lot with everyythingg you are saying about ur experience. i have so much shame around my addictions/self harm& sabotaging and find it really hard to talk about, im proud of u for reaching out on here.
a thought just came to me, do u remember the first thing you were obsessed with? im trying to think about that for myself, i wonder if it could bring us closer to the roots of our trauma and coping mechanisms?
i often smoke weed to battle insomnia and stop having bad dreams and nightmares, but it makes me feel like im abandoning the wounded parts of myself even more if i do that, and iv been dependent on it for ten years. i really want to not smoke & start keeping a dream journal and make myself write out even the most awful dreams, but im so scared and am prob self sabotaging there too by not taking action i know might be helpful/insightful. have you ever kept a journal for ur dreams or triggers?
a thought just came to me, do u remember the first thing you were obsessed with? im trying to think about that for myself, i wonder if it could bring us closer to the roots of our trauma and coping mechanisms?
i often smoke weed to battle insomnia and stop having bad dreams and nightmares, but it makes me feel like im abandoning the wounded parts of myself even more if i do that, and iv been dependent on it for ten years. i really want to not smoke & start keeping a dream journal and make myself write out even the most awful dreams, but im so scared and am prob self sabotaging there too by not taking action i know might be helpful/insightful. have you ever kept a journal for ur dreams or triggers?
- Post starter
- #5
Thank you for commenting. Hmmmm first obsession/addiction...i have no idea. My biggest one is attention. I don't necessarily want people always in my life but I always want people to need me and once that initial couple weeks of the new friendship/relationship/whatever else I dispose of the person. I give them just enough information to be intrigued then once they start learning my patterns or routines I drop them like a hot potato. I've been doing that since I was 13. Weed has always caused my anxiety to become worse. The nightmares are hard. I'll be stuck in one sometimes and do things like bang my head on the wall while sleeping to try and wake myself up.
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- Post starter
- #6
Thank you for giving feed back. What you wrote described me exactly. My therapist says that when anything I go through (good/bad) I default to crisis mode because that's the only way I know how to function because it was what was instilled in me at such a young age. I've learned how to be an adult and I can give my friends and family some of the best advice but as soon as I get faced with a challenge, opportunity or struggle I jeapordize everything.
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- Post starter
- #7
Thank you.
Most of me wants to be as "normal" of an adult as the next person but there is such a fear in working through the trauma to process it. I've been in therapy for the better part of 16 years and up until now no therapist has wanted to attack the trauma to move on. I know I did a good job of deal with it by not dealing with it, but reliving all those feelings and images and everything scares the crap out of me. I know it will be good in the long run but all that vulnerability is going to be so hard for me
Most of me wants to be as "normal" of an adult as the next person but there is such a fear in working through the trauma to process it. I've been in therapy for the better part of 16 years and up until now no therapist has wanted to attack the trauma to move on. I know I did a good job of deal with it by not dealing with it, but reliving all those feelings and images and everything scares the crap out of me. I know it will be good in the long run but all that vulnerability is going to be so hard for me
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EveHarrington
VIP Member
I think you'll be able to find lots of support here! :)
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- #9
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