Relationships in todays society suck enough as it is. Want the recipe for making it worse?
Add pre-existing anxiety, recent separation from the military, sexual assault, PTSD, trust issues, and emotional detachment that begs to be noticed. Mix all of that together with a dating generation so fixated on social media and you've got disaster. Alas, I am a young reasonably pretty girl with a passion for fitness. I feel like I am the epitome of what most want on the outside and its typically the inside that pushes men away. Since going out to new places is hard for me nowadays, I tried to turn to online dating. What a terrible idea that has seemed to be! The thing is, I am good alone. Everyone always says "Alexis, maybe you just need more time to yourself", but I am tired of being single. I have so much love just begging to pour out of me and no one to give it to. My first online suiter used me. After a few dates he would beat around the bush about whether we were "official" or not and used my sexual assault as a segway to convince me that sex with him was perfectly okay by saying things passive aggressively like "I thought you're getting better, guess not". Now, I am 100% honest about my past and mental condition. For the most part I am an open book. Being that I am a writer I am a very deep person with a soft spot for people that has always led to being taken advantage of. People are just so unaccepting of the part of me that is plagued with mental instability that they ignore me when I tell them about my situation and act as though I never said a word. Back to the user guy, after about 4 months I got the courage to drop him. The next guy was quiet and shy with his act together. I thought this might be the answer. Now that I am a changed person, maybe I need someone less outgoing. I was way, way, way wrong. I need someone who is going to help me continue to pick myself up and get out there and not keep me grounded in one place (the couch). He called me crazy after our 5th date because I explained to him that I was thinking that. Calling someone that has this disorder crazy is like stabbing them with a knife. I'm at the point where I feel like PTSD is so etched in my DNA that it attracts the worst of the worst men in my direction and I wonder when on Earth (or if ever) I will find someone who understands or at least tries to.
Add pre-existing anxiety, recent separation from the military, sexual assault, PTSD, trust issues, and emotional detachment that begs to be noticed. Mix all of that together with a dating generation so fixated on social media and you've got disaster. Alas, I am a young reasonably pretty girl with a passion for fitness. I feel like I am the epitome of what most want on the outside and its typically the inside that pushes men away. Since going out to new places is hard for me nowadays, I tried to turn to online dating. What a terrible idea that has seemed to be! The thing is, I am good alone. Everyone always says "Alexis, maybe you just need more time to yourself", but I am tired of being single. I have so much love just begging to pour out of me and no one to give it to. My first online suiter used me. After a few dates he would beat around the bush about whether we were "official" or not and used my sexual assault as a segway to convince me that sex with him was perfectly okay by saying things passive aggressively like "I thought you're getting better, guess not". Now, I am 100% honest about my past and mental condition. For the most part I am an open book. Being that I am a writer I am a very deep person with a soft spot for people that has always led to being taken advantage of. People are just so unaccepting of the part of me that is plagued with mental instability that they ignore me when I tell them about my situation and act as though I never said a word. Back to the user guy, after about 4 months I got the courage to drop him. The next guy was quiet and shy with his act together. I thought this might be the answer. Now that I am a changed person, maybe I need someone less outgoing. I was way, way, way wrong. I need someone who is going to help me continue to pick myself up and get out there and not keep me grounded in one place (the couch). He called me crazy after our 5th date because I explained to him that I was thinking that. Calling someone that has this disorder crazy is like stabbing them with a knife. I'm at the point where I feel like PTSD is so etched in my DNA that it attracts the worst of the worst men in my direction and I wonder when on Earth (or if ever) I will find someone who understands or at least tries to.
