Then the unimaginable happens...

[Punky143]

I don't think this life could get any worse or lower but it has. If dealing with or perhaps not, the disassociation has been at an all time high and flashbacks are excruciating. It was Halloween and one of us, struck a person despite being overcausious that children are out everywhere. Everyone is ok. That's what they told me. But I have to say, and I can't put into words how sad, and guilty and horrified I am. So, I lay in my bed making sure I'm not seen in public. I can't fathom the thought of being out there, around others when nothing really is predictable. Therefore, it makes everything unsafe. Before this, we already were at a low point trying to function knowing another huge event is soon to begin. And its going to get ugly. But now I walk around with an enormous guilt and sadness that no one or rx will ever take that away.

 

[Ironlady]

I don't think this life could get any worse or lower but it has. If dealing with or perhaps not, the d...

Sitting with you... *hand on shoulder* So sorry for how you are feeling.. :(

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((Punky143)))
I just to say that I am sorry you are struggling so much.
Our situations and issues aren't the same... but I know that if I could, I would stay in bed, and never go out.

Living is just SO HARD these days....my heart and brain won't shut down. I NEED them to!

We can't give up, no matter how hard it is.
It's just the truth...

I hope it gets better soon!

 

[Punky143]

Thank u. U as well. I have so much self hatred right now that I'd rather keep to myself then to burden others. And it is burdening too with huge issues. I'm not going to allow myself to build a relationship only for the person to back out and ultimately leave. Been there, done that and it sucks. Thank u for ur kind word's.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

We can be your "safe place to fall"...you can say anything here...and we will cheer you on...and understand your sorrows. Either way....you are welcome here! I know self-hate ALL too well. It's a huge, heavy weight that threatens to crush us...
Don't give up...(((Punky143)))

 

[Knak]

I don't think this life could get any worse or lower but it has. If dealing with or perhaps not, the d...

EMDR is a therapy that could help quickly. I do know the self hate but met enough loving people who help overcome it to see reality, but not always.

I think of a mother who pressed the accelerator instead of backing up and killed her 3 y.o. child. I worked in the emergency room and can hear her scream learning she was dead. Can't imagine overcoming that. I know it's possible. I know EMDR works.

 

[Punky143]

EMDR was briefly done on me but was stopped and I was told I think because my memory is so far gone that I wasn't ready.
Right now, we're working on my dysregulated temperament acute symptoms. My old habits I guess you can call them are back in full motion. And it makes me mad. Mad because this has been my entire life. And I've reached the point that this will be my way of life. I'm hardwired. I must stop now because I'm disassociating and going away