Did she need to have known anything about your transportation realities in the first place?
She kept asking why I decided to not do the group that I initially contacted the clinic to do and was sticking with only individual therapy. I had asked she cancel my spot in the group. 1.) She sent paperwork that required a year commitment... but she then waived that year commitment. 2.) I can’t do the transportation right now, but I could in 1-3 months and I’ll reconsider then.
My insurance sometimes covers transport in limited circumstances so she jumped at contacting insurance and on and on.
You also might consider either getting a cheap, pay-for-minutes burner phone and using that number for medical. Consider it your professional phone. I believe you can disable texting on those. You can also limit voicemail messages.
This is a good idea. I actually already have a free google voice number. I only know if someone calls if I check that account. Doesn’t ring to my phone.
It got difficult to even ignore the texts and messages because she kept changing times of appointments and format of appointments all to do what she thought would solve the transport issue and thus I’d be able to do group.
It’s a little complex because she is the person I pled my case to in order to convince them to do a single case agreement with insurance. It was a ton of paperwork just to see someone for an intake that they had never seen. So she had info about me and was working with insurance case manager already. So when I mentioned no, can’t do group right now... she just jumped at it being another insurance case manager should solve this and find options or they can do xyz or whatever.
I was really pretty baffled. I had discussed with the therapist the treatment plan of individual only for now and the therapist was ok with it. We scheduled and I thought that would be that. But it was complete treatment plan changes even by the admin assistant saying she could cancel individual so if I could do only one appointment, I’d do group.
I ignored many texts, turn off the alerts (few people actually alert to my phone) ... but when she would do things like start changing treatment plans and set up phone calls with insurance that’s when I’d engage and say stop... please stop changing treatment plans and appointment times and contacting insurance to solve transport. Stop. I had it worked out. Leave it alone.
She has credentials in social work in another state but not my state, and does most of the clinic coordination remotely but is sometimes in the office in person... I don’t know I don’t understand her role anymore. She was trying to be a lot more than what I thought her role was in scheduling appointments.
I had told the therapist about it at the second appointment that it was too much contact and confusion between sessions she said I could schedule through the online portal. Yeah. I did. I told her this but didn’t press it further at the second appointment because I didn’t want to make a stink yet.
Then between appointment 2-3... I mean it was hours after I left the 2nd session that I got the paperwork for group and explained thanks but no thanks not doing group yet.
She asked why and I get tired of saying “I can’t get into it.” I could have said, “please contact the therapist to discuss further.”
But yet when I don’t give info to healthcare clinics request the historic pattern has been they get angry that I’m not showing I’m willing to work with them.
It’s part of why I get stressed out with questions I don’t want to answer. I have said I’m not able to answer right now and refused to explain many times and had care dumped because I don’t explain enough:
Just a few weeks ago I set a clear boundary without explaining to an admin assistant / office manager somewhere else and they actually physically prevented me from leaving and even instructed staff to stand in front of my friend’s car and prevented her from driving off. I kept stating, “it is time for me to leave now, no I’m not able to stay and talk, I’m leaving now. Please move out of the way.” I don’t even know what they wanted to talk about. I owed nothing, and they confirmed that and it was time for me to go. My friend and I had to contact police to have police explain to them they had to let us leave and had no legal grounds to stop us. My friend wanted to press charges... I told her to do anything she felt appropriate... we were both scared bad... both of us have PTSD... she said I handled it extremely well. I honestly handled it sort of like I would a customer or 2 year old throwing a tantrum. But why did they do this? Because I said no to staying and talking?! I can’t physically trap people myself to force them to talk without it being a crime...
All the paperwork was done, no money owed, time was up. And for some dumb reason they thought they could prevent me from leaving?! Why does this happen to me?! My friend has worked in a health care related role, was there just to pick me up and tried to tell me many times she’s see this crap wirh others but not anyone handle it so calmly, it’s not my fault... but what even?! Where do people think false imprisonment is ok because someone says no can’t talk?! I wonder if it’s the service dog or mild heating impairment that turns on the “let’s be a parent” effect because she can’t make adult choices... most people have no idea I have any issues and assume I’m a dog trainer but in healthcare they know the disability...
I told this therapist about this incident at the second session and make it clear I won’t be able to do pushing. That will be a massive trigger. I have no space for that. I told her this after she pushed a few times in that session where I said no I can’t get into that trauma a few times. It was only when I broke down sobbing in session two and made it clear “no is enough and needs to mean something” that she backed down and apologized and said yeah, I have to feel safe.
I don’t know how to handle questions I don’t alwant to answer with health care providers generally. I do it with the public about my service dog and etc just fine. I don’t know what to do when a health care provider escalates the questioning or starts critiquing and threatening to end or change care...
Right now, I don’t think I should go back even if there was any value. 1 moment of pushing and I think I’d be flooded with too many years of pushing might and I think I’d quickly get to “I f*cking said no back the f*ck down” really fast. That’s not productive.
Someone I know in business used to have signs up in his office that said “what about no don’t you understand?” and “no is a complete sentence.”
Except... health care providers then try to pathologize it...the whole savior complex thing kicks in to save me from my own no. I give easy “nah, can’t do that thanks anyhow...” and that’s not acceptable in healthcare. It works elsewhere.
This clinic is supposed to be a great trauma clinic. They have tremendous compassion. I don’t expect to feel safe anywhere. They know I don’t feel safe with them. I said no. It didn’t matter. They couldn’t even talk about how to rebuild or build trust and the therpaist said I need to always remember that even when others don’t do what I would like I’m responsible to solve my own problems and it’s my choice to return or not. Which felt like a slap in the face as the response to asking her “how do we move forward when I’m pretty terrified of how my no doesn’t mean anything here? Or anywhere? How do I say yes when really any yes or no is meaningless to your clinic?”
Part of me thinks maybe I can show up for the next session as a video session. All I have to do is shut the screen when it’s too much. Done. I don’t have to sit there or navigate leaving or be scared about crazy stopping me from leaving happening. I could just see what she does.
I was never in danger at this clinic. It was all an annoyance. That’s all it should be. But I am so pissed off I said no and it meant nothing.
