bonogirl79
New Here
I started seeing a therapist a month or so ago. My issue has been communication problems in my 6-year relationship and the possibility that we're realizing it might not last much longer. The sessions with my therapist have included me having to make a list of negative events in my life, many of which were traumas associated with the ending of friendships and relationships and being bullied in school, and I lost the ability to trust people along the way. It may have even been something I was born with, and I'm also a very anxious person. Me thinking I might lose my long-term boyfriend has exacerbated that. So we were going to try EMDR this week.
However, in last week's session, I talked about the issues with my boyfriend generally (he's not a bad person; our communication styles both need work -- I've become moody, emotional and distant, and those are things I don't like about myself and want to fix). My therapist began saying that maybe HE'S just an a*hole, that maybe I have a right to be moody, and then she started raising her voice louder and louder, saying that I should just tell him that he's the one with the problem, that I have a g*dam right to be moody and he better just f'ing deal with it, etc. -- she started swearing really badly and almost shouting, telling me what I should say. When this interaction was happening, I initially went into shock that she was talking that way, and I said that no, that's not the issue, I'm here because I want to learn why I'm being moody and stop doing it. I don't like myself when I'm doing it. She looked at me and continued telling me what I should say to him, and that's when she started yelling. I started talking loudly over her and said "This between you and I isn't working. I don't need the swearing. I don't need to feel this way. I'm not here for this." My heart was pounding with anxiety, I felt attacked by how she was talking to me.
She stopped, got semi-calm, and said that she was testing me to see how I would react to having those sorts of negative emotions and words pouring at me, because she wants me to be prepared for the overwhelming emotions I might feel during EMDR. She said she was happy that I had spoken up and told her that I felt she was being disrepectful, because many people just sit there and say nothing. I understood that she wanted to see if I was ready for EMDR, and I felt better but still shaken.
As the days have passed since then, I've gotten unsure if I feel safe being emotional with her. I still feel anxious thinking of last week. I don't know her that well; we haven't done much talk therapy; she pretty much immediately understood what my issues were, and that was comforting. I've seen a number of therapists who never got me. And I really think EMDR is what I need, and she apparently does an "intense," faster EMDR that will get the root of my issues.
My question is: her behavior to get a rise out me and test my emotional strength -- is that something a therapist sometimes does to see if someone is ready for EMDR? Do you think her reasons for doing it are valid?
Part of me doesn't want to see her, part of me hopes this type of EMDR might work (we haven't had an actual session of it yet), and I don't want to be a quitter without giving it a chance. But I'm just not sure if I feel totally safe and able to expose my deepest insecurities. She's an older lady, a bit absent-minded when she talks, and she's also said a few things that have made me feel a little bad about myself, like when I asked her what happens during EMDR, she said "I don't usually explain this to my patients, but I'll make an exception for my Lisa" (that's me). That statement made me feel a little bad about myself for asking, like she was not treating me as an adult.
Overall, do you think her behavior is acceptable, and would you proceed with having EMDR with her?
However, in last week's session, I talked about the issues with my boyfriend generally (he's not a bad person; our communication styles both need work -- I've become moody, emotional and distant, and those are things I don't like about myself and want to fix). My therapist began saying that maybe HE'S just an a*hole, that maybe I have a right to be moody, and then she started raising her voice louder and louder, saying that I should just tell him that he's the one with the problem, that I have a g*dam right to be moody and he better just f'ing deal with it, etc. -- she started swearing really badly and almost shouting, telling me what I should say. When this interaction was happening, I initially went into shock that she was talking that way, and I said that no, that's not the issue, I'm here because I want to learn why I'm being moody and stop doing it. I don't like myself when I'm doing it. She looked at me and continued telling me what I should say to him, and that's when she started yelling. I started talking loudly over her and said "This between you and I isn't working. I don't need the swearing. I don't need to feel this way. I'm not here for this." My heart was pounding with anxiety, I felt attacked by how she was talking to me.
She stopped, got semi-calm, and said that she was testing me to see how I would react to having those sorts of negative emotions and words pouring at me, because she wants me to be prepared for the overwhelming emotions I might feel during EMDR. She said she was happy that I had spoken up and told her that I felt she was being disrepectful, because many people just sit there and say nothing. I understood that she wanted to see if I was ready for EMDR, and I felt better but still shaken.
As the days have passed since then, I've gotten unsure if I feel safe being emotional with her. I still feel anxious thinking of last week. I don't know her that well; we haven't done much talk therapy; she pretty much immediately understood what my issues were, and that was comforting. I've seen a number of therapists who never got me. And I really think EMDR is what I need, and she apparently does an "intense," faster EMDR that will get the root of my issues.
My question is: her behavior to get a rise out me and test my emotional strength -- is that something a therapist sometimes does to see if someone is ready for EMDR? Do you think her reasons for doing it are valid?
Part of me doesn't want to see her, part of me hopes this type of EMDR might work (we haven't had an actual session of it yet), and I don't want to be a quitter without giving it a chance. But I'm just not sure if I feel totally safe and able to expose my deepest insecurities. She's an older lady, a bit absent-minded when she talks, and she's also said a few things that have made me feel a little bad about myself, like when I asked her what happens during EMDR, she said "I don't usually explain this to my patients, but I'll make an exception for my Lisa" (that's me). That statement made me feel a little bad about myself for asking, like she was not treating me as an adult.
Overall, do you think her behavior is acceptable, and would you proceed with having EMDR with her?
