Therapist Comment - Need Advice

[brokenchild]

I copied some of this from my journal.

(MAY TRIGGER)

I saw a therapist last week. He's an MSW (Master of Social Work). I was kind of turned off by the end of session as he said "Thoughts are just thoughts. We can choose whether or not we believe them." Um, excuse me. I was beaten and raped for eating or drinking when I wasn't allowed to/didn't deserve to. I had to ask to shower and use the bathroom and wasn't allowed to if they didn't want me to. I would be punished if I ate, drank, went to the bathroom, showered, etc. without permission. Those thoughts were beaten into me and it's more than just "choosing" to not believe them. I KNOW their irrational, but I still obey them, just like I was taught.

(END TRIGGER)

I obviously need to bring this up with him, but I don't know what to say. Any ideas? I don't see him again until August 30th.

 

[Nicolette]

My comment would be to agree that thoughts are just thoughts yes, but programming, brain washing and training are in-ground practices which simply don't just enter your mind......they have been a way of life for a long time. If you do something for more than 21 days is it proven that it can then become a habit (used mainly to promote motivational activities such as exercise) so, that being the case, how does he define that you struggling with habits (abuse training in your case) are simply thoughts?

 

[FlameTachiku]

Although thoughts are just thoughts they can have much power over each of us for different reasons. What is good about thoughts is that we each can do something to alter there effects over us, until one day we can know and accept that they are "just thoughts". However altering our thoughts is not magical thinking but instead the work done to alter the effects of painful and harmful thought patterns. We can change the power that we believe thoughts have over us. When we do, we can only then say they are "just thoughts" until then we are like victims accepting their power over us. We need tools to change thoughts until we each are one day are able to experience thoughts as thoughts. That is why we work together to help achieve living in a place where we have power over dysfuctional thoughts. No easy task for sure!

 

[TLight]

The guy obviously doesn't get what you went through. I like the above advice. If he doesn't get it then, then think about finding someone who does.

 

[kers]

I wouldn't dismiss him out of hand, but I would tell him that you found the comment dismissive and see how he responds. My therapist and I work with that very phrase often, but we've looked at the trauma in depth and built up a lot of trust, and recognizing that thoughts are not necessarily reality is an aspect of trauma healing. But if my therapist had said that to me early in treatment, ooh, I would've been upset.

 

[brokenchild]

Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone. I just woke up from a nap and wasn't expecting so many suggestions.

I like the word "dismissive" as that's exactly what it felt like. And considering it was the very first session, it left me not wanting to go back again.

It is very ingrained as I've been dealing with these thoughts for most of my life now and can't really remember a time when I didn't try to "earn" food, water, etc. It's always been "You can eat/drink/use the bathroom/shower/etc. when you finish/do X."

Considering that my insurance will only pay for twelve 20-30 minutes treatments over a year unless they pre-approve more, I may not be getting much therapy anyway. Granted, I still struggle with believing I deserve help and I don't deserve to suffer like I do.

I'm not good with assertiveness so even bringing this up is going to be really hard for me. I hope I can do it.

 

[Dalager]

Hi brokenchild

How did it go with your T??
I think it is a bit sad that your T landed that comment, when your T almost for sure ment it well.
I can say from expirience that you sometimes evaluete your patient a bit better the couple of first treatments. Some are harder then others.

Dalager

 

[brokenchild]

He gave a rather long answer but he does seem to understand that thoughts can be hard-wired into the brain and new connections have to be made in order for the behaviors to change. He also talked about how the brain can assign certain attributes to a thought, such as "This thought is sad/happy/bad" and also can decide how much it believes a though. I guess we're going to work on changing how much I believe the thoughts so there is room for other thoughts and beliefs to form.



So, that made me feel a little more confident in his abilities.

 

[Iam]

I am glad that you have more confidence in your T now BrokenChild. Learning to trust him is a very important part of your healing. I am so glad you had the courage to tell him how you felt about his comment. Sharing how you react to what he says or asks you to do gives him great insight as to what you need to work on.

CBT, cognitive behavior therapy, is a common technique used with PTSD sufferers. It involves changing negative thought patterns that have been programmed into us thru abuse. Replacing negative, untrue, thoughts with positive true ones. It is a process and takes time but will be well worth it in the long run. There is a great CBT book called the "Feel Good Handbook" by DAvid Burns. I loaned mine to someone and it was never given back so am thinking of buying it again just because I would like to refer to it from time to time.

Good luck BC....you are on the right track!

 

[brokenchild]

CBT has never seemed to work for me. When I was in-patient for anorexia we had CBT and DBT groups and they just didn't seem to do much for me. Granted, they weren't trauma related. Time will tell how it works for me this time around I guess.