Therapist Question

[Abstract]

Missantisunshine, I could be wrong but I think that is possibly what Jennifer said to her T.

 

[Jennifer76]

When I asked for my normal hug as we always do at the end of the session. She hugs me and rubs my back for a second. When I asked for that hug she said "I a, to in the mood to hug today". Stemming from her giving an appt time and me saying fine, that time is fine. And then I was upset she did not want to give me a hug and then she said not until I apologize.

And so I said fine, I apologize and she did not like that because I said fine again. And then I was very upset and was crying and after a couple of seconds I said I'm sorry for taking my frustration and my physical pain (from the migraine which is a known thing. She dims the lights and shuts the curtains for me when I come without me even asking) and then after I apologized we hugged and she said take care like she does every week.

Yes, she said she would not want to be my mom and I said I took that as she did not like me and thought I was a bad person. And then she said no then we could not have the relationship that we do and I would not get to help you like I am.

 

[radicalgratitude]

@MissAntiSunshine I am confused. Could you please clarify why you tagged me in the post? I don't think I commented on the boundaries. Maybe my silence on the matter implied that I had? I have a "soft" approach in confrontations. So I was helping Jennifer to see the gray area, because I could sense a lot of black and white thinking. Then later on I commented that I thought the therapist called her "Jenniferk," but I had just come off of a school day and my kids were doing similar things to each other.

In reality, I do think her therapist is doing a great job setting boundaries, and I am hoping that Jennifer sticks with her for that reason. There. I said it. The truth about what I think. Honestly, confrontation scares me so I soften things. My "soft" approach can sometimes give a different impression than what I actually mean.

So, MissAntiSunshine, this brings me back to my question, what about what I wrote makes you think I was thinking that the therapist wasn't doing something properly? I really do want to know, because this is a difficulty I have in everyday life. I fear speaking the truth about what I think and feel. I have been trying to say what I really think on this website, but I think I slipped this time.

 

[cavy]

Jennifer, you are not alone in this. I too am borderline & find it is emotionally tough & like a roller coaster sometimes, confusing but you will get there. Perhaps your therapist "got out of bed the wrong side", had a headache, there is always more than one way of looking at things.

Maybe this isn't the right place for me to get help for borderline questions. I am sorry for bothering you and I hope you can help others in the future.

Please be kind to yourself, many of us here are also borderline & are going through therapy too, some have more insight than others depending on how far along their therapy they are.

when I brought up my transference issues she made the comment that she would not want to be my mother.

Now I have just tried to picture myself with my therapist and how I would feel if she were to say this to me.

1. I feel that this comment about not wanting to be your mother would have sounded extremely harsh & confusing especially if you were feeling upset, vulnerable etc.:confused:
   
2. It is a natural way to feel when you are trying hard to work out what is going on. Even people who aren't borderline might feel slightly offended by it, it is a perfectly natural human emotion.:tup:
   
3. Her comment sounds as if she had reacted like teenager would - looking at it objectively, during the session beforehand do you think that you could have been in "teenager mode"? Let me reassure you I am not judging you - I would have taken it personally myself at point number 3. If you had then that is a perfect example of transference. i.e. someone is angry at me & immediately I pick up on that & I start to feel angry myself!! I call it the Eyore effect, he is sitting on a chair feeling really sad, gets off the chair, leaves his tail behind, someone else sits on the same chair with the tail on it and bingo that person starts to feel really sad too.;)

I find when in therapy it takes me untill nearly the end of the session to really feel pushed to open up - well your session is just about to end right. So what you need to say just comes tumbling out.:eek: That is my experience of it, I did ask my therapist about it and she said it happens quite a lot with some people.

I am confused because she told me in the past she would answer these questions and therapy is where I could bring those borderline personality type questions.

Maybe the session was due to end and she felt that she didn't feel that she could answer the question in the time available as well as leave you feeling safe. Unfortunately it sounds as if she possibly mishandled the situation because no therapist should end a session with you feeling so vulnerable - they have a duty of care. As I wasn't there it would not be helpful for me to make assuptions or judgments.

My advice is, write down what is troubling you about this, exacty how it made you feel at the time, your thoughts, all of them. That sounds scary I know, but if she is a good therapist then she will see that you are trying to understand what is going on & work through the issues in order to move on. It may also help you to understand what is going on in your head and I hope gain some insight into the situation. Go to your next therapy session with it and if you are feeling up to it show it to her. This saves time in getting what we want to say across (valuable time in therapy) so then there is more space to discuss it further. If you feel a bit better after this session then you know that it is working and that maybe she isn't so bad after all. If you don't then find another therapist who specialises in trauma and knows about BPD.

Now hugging, I may be wrong but it is a scientific fact that hugging helps people to trust each other more. I hug my therapist (it took a long time for me to pluck up the courage, if my therapist was a man then no way - past abuse issues - it helps me to continue to trust (borderline people like me can very easily loose trust in someone). In order to be able to work with a therapist you have to gradually build up trust. However, it is very very important not to just rely on the therapist - self soothing, pampering yourself and taking time to let any difficult emotions settle (try not to dwell on whether your relationship is ok or not) & distraction is an important way of putting those feelings into a box figuratively speaking, sealing it up until the next therapy session. If you do decide to write down how you felt then perhaps put this in a box (envelope) to be opened at your next therapy session.

In order to heal & move on, becoming self reliant is an important part of the theraputic process.

Hope this helps, hugs :):hug:

 

[Kintsugi]

@radialgratitude ... I posted that while you were clarifying the typo. About three posts appeared when the page reloaded. Sorry if I offended you. That was all. ;)

Edit: I don't interpret responses as being "soft" or "hard." My response was simply responding to your "wow" and Jennifer simultaneously.

 

[Kintsugi]

I am so, so sorry everyone. Please forgive me for this digression.

@AnD You are a TROLL and a DANGER to these nice earnest people. Get the hell out and tell your little EFT buddies not to target this site. Go back to your little Amway/The Secret hole and don't come back. How dare you mess with this community.

So angry... Sorry everyone... How dare you AnD.

(Go ahead and look up AnD's activity history. :troll: !)

Edit: EFT is a cultic group that poses as a therapy program and hurts its patients with crazy mind-control techniques and dangerous hypnosis models.

 

[radicalgratitude]

No offense taken. I am always trying to improve myself and was looking for feedback. :)

 

[Kintsugi]

@AnD :roflmao: Please keep reporting me. And keep selling your crap simultaneously. It's gonna help your case, really. It will.

Now go away. At least send me inbox messages or leave stuff on my profile if you want to rumble. Leave Jennifer's thread alone. She's trying to get real help. Not crazy cultic programming.

PS if those freaks aren't paying you, time to ask for a raise. You're good.

 

[Kintsugi]

@AnD I thought I was pretty clear that this is disruptive to Jennifer's thread. I'd love to talk more with you about this if you want, before you're banned for promotion of a "cure." Contact me here: [DLMURL]https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/missantisunshine.8613/[/DLMURL], or send me a conversation or, join me in chat, where you are the subject of discussion. :)

Please, if you are the righteous one here to help, stop cluttering Jennifer's space with this unrelated nonsense. I said you were dangerous. You said you are not. The people in this thread don't need to hear more.

I super apologize to everyone on this thread. So sorry Jennifer. Please forgive me. I was only trying to warn you.

 

[Nicolette]

I have banned 'AnD'.

 

[Kintsugi]

I really can't apologize enough Jennifer. I am incredibly sorry. I saw the EFT promotion on here and flipped out. I didn't mean to start a firefight. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I don't want you or anyone in this community to fall prey to such "techniques." Sorry sorry sorry. :(

 

[Nicolette]

Let's get this thread back on topic please otherwise it will be closed. Thank you.