Therapist Wants To Terminate Me As A Patient?

[desiderata310]

I'm getting mixed signals and I've been sort of a mess since Tuesday.

I think that my therapist wants to terminate me as a patient. Several weeks ago we were talking and he said that I didn't really need to be in therapy, that I could go about my life and probably manage pretty well.

Tuesday, he started asking how I felt about moving to one day a week. Honestly, I am not sure I am ready to do that but I also understand that I am not making forward progress now. Then he started talking about the fact that he is going to need to move his office. Even with a white noise generator in the room, the noises from outside and the stomping upstairs and banging that happens in the office next door is VERY triggering for me. I can't sit in his office waiting room because I can still hear the voices from inside when he is in with a client so I sit outside and around the corner

Something happened during session and I stared to go into flashback and he seemed exasperated when I came back.
I think I should write him an email and simply terminate it for him.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I highly suggest actually asking him "do you want to terminate my therapy?"

I've found for me that it's best to ask directly rather than go on what I *think* is behind the phrasing of words. I know, because when I ask, it turns out my interpretation is usually far more negative than what was meant.

In fact, sometimes my therapists have responded with such surprise at how I interpreted things they said that they have apologized profusely and I get to tell them how I prefer they respond to some things.

Best to know for sure rather than react based upon assumption. I know the way I "hear" things in therapy sound very differently after I listen to the recording of it. I almost always experience/hear things far more negatively when they are delivered in therapy than when I listen later.

 

[Justmehere]

Wow, that would leave me confused too!

I think you do need support and therapy, you have been through so much!

Maybe he is not feeling qualified, I'm not so sure. But I do know that he also sounds very very committed to you, and it does sound like some mixed signals.

I would hold off of terminating him just yet. If it is too scary to ask him in person what's going on. I would suggest at least emailing him what has you confused and feeling like you should terminate. There have been a few times I was convinced my therapist was trying to end with me and I asked her what was up (she called it "reality checking" - is a therapeutic thing) and she reassured me and we got back on track.

Don't terminate for him. You deserve him to help you find someone else if needed. But I'm also not sure he does want to terminate - and even if he did, let him do his job and own his own part.

:hug:

 

[desiderata310]

"reality checking"??? What the hell does that mean? how is that therapeutic? I've just spent the last 7 months finally getting to a place where I feel comfortable around this person. If this is some sort of pyscho-bull shit- reverse psychology I am f*cking OUT. I don't play games and I don't deal well with people who play games. Talk straight to me.

Wrote this but not sure I have the balls to actually hit send.

I've been thinking about what you've said over couple of different sessions. It sounds like you want to terminate me as a patient. If that is the case, please feel free to say so.
You spoke a few weeks ago about the fact that I don't need to be in therapy. Tuesday you asked about reducing to one day a week. I heard what you said about not reading between the lines but I've also been around enough to know that means "read between the lines" I get it. I'm not making any progress and I'm the client that can't sit in your office without wanting to climb out of her skin when someone uses the bathroom upstairs.

Thanks.

 

[Justmehere]

Reality checking is where if you feel scared, you check and see if things are safe or dangerous. If you feel like he wants to terminate, reality checking is to check and see if he does want to terminate or not.

It does not mean your reality is not correct. It's not a game. It's simply choosing to check and make sure we are right or not in our fears. It means checking to see if what we read between the lines is actually true or not. Argh. I'm sorry I'm not explaining it well. Forget that term.

He is not playing games, neither am I. If he says don't read between the lines, he means don't read between the lines. But, I know that doesn't change your fears. It is good to let him know how he is coming across to you and let him either confirm if you are right or wrong, rather than just assume he wants to terminate.

I think that's a good email to send. If he is going to terminate you, just as you fear, what do you have to lose? And if he isn't going to terminate you, then he will know where you are at better and be able to reassure you better and stop giving mixed signals.

 

[desiderata310]

I know you aren't playing games. I'm sorry. I'm in an ugly place right now.

 

[Justmehere]

It's all very very ok. No apology needed. I would be feeling upset and mad too if I was in your shoes.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I do this reality check-in as well when I'm getting dissociated, or triggered into re-experiencing the emotions of the past while in a moment in the present.

My PTSD is considered chronic and from multiple traumas since early childhood. What I am feeling and what I tell myself about it today often are often in response to a past trauma rather than fully accurate to my actual present.

I may be feeling unsafe, but am I actually unsafe right now? I may feel like this person say that in a negative tone, but if I ask what is meant, is it possible it is not actually negative? I may feel like that person is delivering an unspoken message, but do I actually have the God-like power to read this person's mind? I may feel like I need to escape and run from this relationship, but is it possible that is just my old pattern and I can trust my adult self now to talk this out?

These are all things I have to remind myself of, far more frequently than I wish at this point in my therapy. But those old neural pathways and responses are deeply embedded in my brain and every time I react like I did before, I carve them deeper. It's only when I can pause, breathe, think, and then respond (rather than react) that I can finally do a different response. This helps me break the trigger-response pattern in therapy and even better, outside in the real world.

Doing this has been very frightening, difficult, distressing, and frustrating. But it has produced wonderful benefits in my actual, real-life today.

 

[desiderata310]

I've sent the email.
Freaked out right now.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug:

 

[desiderata310]

damn it.. just about in tears... He just replied:
I ABSOLUTELY am not trying to terminate you as a client, I promise

 

[KwanYingirl]

Good luck desiderata. The right people make for an easier journey. You asked the question that's all you need for now.