Therapist... Who Should I See?

[Hashi]

If you're going to send an email, I'd suggest asking questions. The kind of questions you would have for any potential therapist, including what their training and experience is in working with clients with trauma and PTSD.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Your answers may have fit the criteria for 'further followup' - where students are contacted to ensure they have access to and awareness of services. If you don't need the info, you can just ignore it and not respond. That's perfectly ok, too.

We do have some students who aren't aware that their student insurance can be used for a non-university therapist if given a referral from our clinic staff. I was able to receive treatment in the late 80's that way. My problems were considered too complex for just seeing one of the counselors on campus. I saw her and an addictions counselor and got outpatient treatment, which my school insurance covered, thankfully.

 

[Samantha_38]

Sent a message...wow my heart is still pounding! This is what I sent:

"Sending just this message is terrifying for me, so definitely not ready for face-to-face of any sort. I don't really know what to say or ask. Do you have training/experience with people who have PTSD/Trauma? I guess that's all I have because I really don't know what else I'm supposed to be saying."

It seems so dumb, but I really didn't know what else to say. I didn't really feel like introducing myself. Like he already knows I'm a college student. I mean being a college student is probably the only "normal" thing about me, everything else just gets "messy" so to speak. I couldn't really be like, "Hi, I'm Samantha, here's my life story...19 pages later...how do I fix ALL of that??" One, I'm sure that'd have scared him away, and two, it most definitely would have given me a heart attack.

That was a huge leap for me! Just about having an anxiety attack, and I didn't even say anything. I mean the messages are anonymous, so I could still stop replying and no one would be any wiser. Thanks everyone for giving me the great idea for the above question, because it's the only thing I had to say, so if it wasn't for all of you, I'd have said nothing.

 

[Barconian]

You are doing fine Samantha! Every little step you make is an improvement from where you were :)

 

[Abstract]

You did exactly the right thing. You asked what is important. That is the crux of it. If they have someone to help you who is knowledgeable of PTSD and trauma. I totally understand this level of fear with getting into therapy.

 

[WillyKat]

You did everything just right. You reached out, and that is a gigantic step. If you think it's appropriate, I'd reward yourself with some chocolate, ice cream, or frozen yogurt, or whatever you think best.

 

[Samantha_38]

@WillyKat - I did have some strawberry cheese cake last night. So we'll count that. I'm having extreme issues keeping food in my stomach though because of a concussion I sustained during winter break, so too much would not be good. Amazingly it did stay in last night though. My body's way of rewarding itself I guess.

I'm feeling much better about the message today, although sleeping was exceptionally difficult last night. Not that sleep is ever that easy for me. I'm actually kind of, do I dare say excited?, to get a message back. It's an odd emotion.

 

[WillyKat]

Good for you. Remember to breathe; it will help deal with the excitement, which will help with the sleep.

 

[Samantha_38]

Got a reply. He said "of course" he has experience with trauma and PTSD. Sounds like a weird way to put it. He said he understands why I'd be nervous about talking and asked if I feel comfortable sharing "a little" about my trauma. What's a little? This is all 24 years of my life, I feel like a little is still a novel. And I'm not sure I do feel "comfortable". Is it supposed to feel comfortable? I mean I feel like if I'm waiting for it to feel comfortable, I'll be waiting forever. I've told other people anonymously, or at least somewhat anonymously. I mean people here know my first name, I don't even think he knows that. So I don't know why this is a big deal. I mean I've told two people face-to-face.

I'm going back and forth with myself, "Why would this matter, it's not like he has any clue who I am..." other part of my brain, "Don't tell ANY one ANY thing, EVER!" Then my stomach says, "I don't like this either!" My heart agrees with my stomach, the rest of my body decides its exhausted and eventually everything that was disagreeing follows suit and agrees to be exhausted. So then I'm really tired and have no answers, but hey at least my body agrees with itself.

 

[Abstract]

Samantha, that is an odd response. There is no of course about it and those that specialise in trauma are a small percentage of the whole.

You need to think what you can manage and what is a priority for you but I would ask a couple of more pointed questions. If my brain allowed me to of course! I would probably start off saying to please not take offence but what specific trauma qualification does he have, how many people has he treated for PTSD and when. I would also ask how many years of experience he has and what his general training is and what is his way of approaching treatment of PTSD?

Don't tell ANY one ANY thing, EVER!" Then my stomach says, "I don't like this either!" My heart agrees with my stomach

I could have written that. That is how it usually is with discussing anything related to this stuff let alone naming trauma.

Could you do it a little indirectly? Such as "incidents that happened to me between the ages of * and *". Alternatively you could say you would rather not say before you have had a few more discussions.

 

[Samantha_38]

let alone naming trauma.

I hate naming it. I don't even like the word, "rape". Like it's just a terrible word, it sounds terrible. At least to me. I hear it and my stomach is already doing flips while my heart rate increases exponentially. I don't even like typing it here. I mean I don't think I have literally ever told it to anyone and used that word. I get to the point where people would use that word, and I shut down. I stumble over any other words I try to say, and actually lose my voice. Like physically, my throat feels like its closing and I can't talk. Even typing it I get the throat closing feeling. When I told my family doctor, he asked and I nodded because I literally couldn't speak. The abuse from my dad, other words people use for things, don't seem to be as difficult for me to say. That word though, I can't handle it.

I might try the questions. I may just say some vague stuff about what I went through. I kind of did that on here when trying to clear things about who I was after the whole craziness of my first couple days on the site. So I could just kind of say what I did then. I don't know right now. I think I'm as far in as I can allow myself right now. Which is exactly why I would have so many problems going to see someone face to face. I mean I literally messaged one question, and now I'm done talking for awhile. Not that I don't doubt that some therapy sessions definitely go like this, but I can't handle awkward silences either.

 

[Barconian]

What's a little?

A little is not very much... Reply and tell him a little @Samatha_38 Then eat more cheese cake