Therapist's New Office

[Biz]

My psych will be in a new office starting this week. I've been seeing her for a little over a year; we have a session in the new space on Thursday. So much anxiety for so many reasons, which bothers me because I think for most people this wouldn't be a big deal. I'm considering emailing her about this stuff but it seems excessive and I feel nitpicky and I don't like emailing or calling in between because I want her to have her time (she has an open email/call policy and frequently encourages me to consider using it).

• It's a home office and I have weird boundary issues. I need my boundaries to be SO far away that they are visible from space. I start being distant, rude, weird if they're not... The other week I tried to say something about this with her, "I can't even call you on the phone (she has an open calling policy between sessions), and you want me to come to your house?" She said the door/divider between house space and office is still being installed and there will be a curtain up for one sessions until the contractor is finished. She specifically emailed about this to check in and see if I wanted to cancel, which is awesome but then I said I wanted to come more than I cared because I was emotionally losing it midweek and now I'm okay and thinking of cancelling. Thing is, if I cancel or don't try the space, I might end up avoiding so much that I won't be able to get over it. I think I have to go for this reason.
• The waiting room.... She said it's just a small waiting space and I should show up closer to my appointment time 2-3 minutes early rather than overly early. (I have a tendency to be 15-20 min. early because I don't want to be late). Firstly, I've never been 2-3 minutes early anywhere in my life. I can't; I'm either 15 early or I'm late. Second, it makes me feel a bit more warmed up to sit in her space and calm/prepare myself to speak. Third, I don't like being in close proximity to other people, and encountering her other clients in a medium-sized waiting room is one thing; it's large enough that the space makes me feel okay if someone walks out before my appointment starts, but being close..... I'm going to try to not be early but I would not be okay with being late.
• The bathroom.... She said her one complaint about the space is that the bathroom won't be conveniently located and clients will have to walk through the house a bit. This is like one of my biggest concerns. Her office is an hour's drive from my new work. I ALWAYS go to the bathroom before/after sessions. I feel SO weird about the idea of being in her house, I can't walk through. Also, I feel really awkward about talking about this with her.
• Seating positions... She had moved furniture this week so we used a different office with her old furniture in it. It was manageable, but- she normally sits next to me on the couch (really on the other end, not close because close would freak me out). She sat across from me at first. And then I got really awkward, stopped conversation, shut down her talking, and kept making comments about the excess of eye contact and feeling stared at (one day I'll be the kind of communicator who can tell someone what I need). She picked up on the cues and came and sat next to me on the couch. From there it went better.

So.... what would you do?? :)

 

[desiderata310]

Oi! You are so not alone.
When my therapist moved his office, you would have thought the world had come to an end. At the same time, he moved two blocks from his office and I see his vehicle all the time. I'm afraid to go down the street he lives on.

So.. I am also an early bird. This has caused more issues with the new place than either one of us thought possible. What I've wound up doing is factoring in some things to make it a little easier on me.
1. I stop and grab a coffee. It's a little thing that means the world. Well worth the 2.50 to have that warmth to hang on to
2. I pee before I get there (at the coffee shop, of course)
3. If I were you I would wait in your car for as long as you could stand it. Try to time it so that you are entering as the other person is leaving. If it's really just too much, ask her if she would text you when it's time.
finally GO. seriously. Go. With an eye to "this is almost like what it will be like when the door is installed"
It seems that trauma folk have a bit of trouble with change. She's going to understand. If it's just terrible, cut the meeting short. If she's picking up on cues like needing to move to the sofa then she will understand this.
Also, It's cool that she did that. I would freak smooth out if mine moved closer to me. Instead, he left me a blank corner to look at and his dog. I NEVER make eye contact.

 

[KwanYingirl]

ACK!!! I had the same situation. I was very uncomfortable in her house. Plus it was old and musky smell and she left her appointment book open on the coffee table as well as checks and cash people had left for their co pays. I canned her. There were no boundaries at all.

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

My T moved offices about 6 months or so ago. Her previous office was small and quiet for the most part. She moved into a big building that has a lot of people in and out and can be very noisy. I am agoraphobic and going to therapy is one of the only two places I go each week.

She told me as soon as she could that she was moving offices and we talked about it a bit during our sessions. When she moved she met me at the door to the new building and walked with me to her new office as well as walked me out afterwards. In fact she still does a modified version of that even now.

I don't sit in the waiting area. I am usually 15 minutes early myself and I sit in my car until 2-3 minutes before my session time. We text when we are both ready and we meet up to walk to her office together.

If she encourages you to call or email between sessions, take advantage of that. Take some time to email her your concerns (or even email her what you wrote here). Writing can be an easier method of talking when it feels like too much to say in person. It sounds like she knows you well and is trying to make this change a little less painful for you. Perhaps you could ask her to meet you outside for this first session and see if she will give you a tour of her office, waiting area and restroom.

Change can be so difficult. Hopefully once you get there and talk to her it will feel less daunting. Often the process of waiting is the worst part because it gives us too much time to think about it.

I wish you peace as you deal with the change.

 

[desiderata310]

OH! that's a good point!
That was another thing my therapist did for me when he moved. He gave me the address the DAY he knew for certain that he had the space so that I could check it out. Repeatedly (I am a circler) and once he started moving in, he emailed me to describe it ("it has two doors, Desi!" "is one a closet?!" "NO It goes outside, so you have TWO escape routes!") and he encouraged me to stop by and take a look and gave me a couple of times that I could stop by and peek in. It made my first couple of sessions less painful than they could have been.

Yay me and being triggered by EVERYTHING.

 

[Joan]

You are not overreacting...I am going through this exact thing this week as well on Tuesday. setting/environment is a really tough thing with most of us with PTSD...have to have an escape....have to face the door...wall behind back,,,,I love what unraveling! said about texting with both parties are ready to avoid awkwardness and being uncomfortable in a n area that is not really a waiting room and also with communication ahead of time about concerns and possible ways to make it better.

Take care of yourself, especially on Thursday...don't beat yourself up for feeling how you feel.

 

[Friday]

What I would do... (In painstaking detail). Not saying what I think you should do, but what I've done in similar circumstance:

Day 1 - Arrive 2-3 hours early or come a day or two early. Drive in circles a bit. Find a good cafe or coffee shop nearby. Ideally, find a series of them, and choose the best. Order, read a book, chill. This has now become my waiting room / staging area.

Day 2 - Arrive 30 minutes early. Swing by "my" cafe. Use the bathroom, order a drink &/or food to go. Generally this means I'll still be 15+ min early. Sit in my car and eat / read / etc. go in.

Day 3 - Arrive 1-2 hours early. Hang out in "my" cafe. Determine whether I like waiting here, or in my car, better.

Day 4 onward- Whichever I like better? Do that. I've done both in the past. One usually feels better than the other.

On all days... Hit up "my" cafe on the way out, as well. I like bracketing things, and it also helps cement my territory as mine.

 

[Biz]

I got off early from work that day so I could be early for the appointment and did the coffee shop thing you suggested @FridayJones. I guess it was okay. I've been so anxious this week so I was just overwhelmed most of the time but I don't think it's the office. Although, I did have this moment where I almost thought about not getting out of my car and driving away because she asked me to just walk in through the front door without knocking (later she explained it's because it would disturb the dogs) but I was not having that. I was late because I was talking myself up to walk through the door.