Therapy - How Far Do You Go In?

[Upe]

yes it's helped a lot / therapy, talking, coming to some big illuminations/ realisations.
But there's a point I get to where I feel like I'm losing my grip. Going in deep - it's not like it's news to me, I know my past, but it feels too private to have strangers walking around in there placing their own leanings and judgments upon it all.
some things in my life - the facts sound kind of horrific. But I was there. No denying the wrongness of it all, but it's alwsys more complicated than that.
think I need to stop doing therapy.
I'm not the victim painted white. I'm not the evil perpetrator painted blsck.
I'm alive. I'm hurting like everybody else on the planet.
A therapist is not going to end my suffering with words of what's right or wrong. I wish they could

 

[Isom]

A therapist is not going to end my suffering with words of what's right or wrong.

You're right. However, I hope a therapist has more than talk up their sleeve when working with trauma patients. There's strategies and there's being a witness to the pain you have. It's a choice you have to make about whether you want to get into talking about details and how much details. But I certainly hope if you go there with a therapist, that the only answer you get isn't words about what's right and what's wrong. How are you doing with strategies of dealing with things like flashbacks, panic attacks, nightmares, body memories, or whatever other symptoms you may struggle with? Is your therapist helping with those?

 

[Levozi]

yes it's helped a lot / therapy, talking, coming to some big illuminations/ realisations.
But there's a point I get to where I feel like I'm losing my grip. Going in deep - it's not like it's news to me, I know my past, but it feels too private to have strangers walking around in there placing their own leanings and judgments upon it all.

The therapists aren't judging you. They might be judging the situation, in terms of what you might be experiencing now (and did then).

some things in my life - the facts sound kind of horrific. But I was there. No denying the wrongness of it all, but it's alwsys more complicated than that.

It certainly is more complicated. it involves, and involved at the time of the trauma, everything and everyone around you. It affects how you see yourself and others now.and your relationships now and then. Trauma as a kid can be really tough. The perpetrator is most likely someone they know and trust. If it's family, it can be a love/ hate thing, And a bunch of other things also. Trauma is always complicated.

think I need to stop doing therapy.
I'm not the victim painted white. I'm not the evil perpetrator painted blsck.
I'm alive. I'm hurting like everybody else on the planet.
A therapist is not going to end my suffering with words of what's right or wrong. I wish they could

Good to not see yourself as the victim, or seeing that in black and white. But, you are not responsible for the actions of the perpetrator. Only he/ she is responsible for what he/she did.

It's not the words themselves that heals. The therapist can't heal you. I so wish they could.
A good therapist is a guide to help you work through the trauma and how it impacts you now. It often is necessary to have someone outside the situation to help look at things differently. To get unstuck, so to speak.

One thing that grabbed me is when you said "there always comes a point.." where you stop. Just wondering- are you backing away because going any farther is scaring you? Or something along the lines?

 

[Eti]

the other thing is that therapists do have techniques and tools they will use to help you work through the trauma.

 

[Ecupe]

A therapist is not going to end my suffering with words of what's right or wrong. I wish they could

If that's all that's happening in therapy? I'd quit, too!

I suppose right & wrong might enter into some people's trauma therapy. Maybe it's even a large part of some people's. But right & wrong? Don't sort PTSD. Not by a long shot.

From what you've written it sounds like you're spiking your SUDS in therapy, too high, and haven't learned how to lower it as needed, yet -or manage it so you don't spike it too high in the first place- so you're being driven to meltdown levels in therapy with no recourse? Again, if this were the case, and my therapist wasn't helping me learn to manage my distress? I'd quit, too! Although, in that case, not quit altogether, but fire that therapist and find one who can walk me through this process.

From Link Removed (bold is mine) talking about using & managing our SUDS whilst in therapy. While this particular thread is on exposure therapy, it applies across the board:

Using the Subjective Units of Disturbance (SUDS) scale, which is viewed as a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being the worst), you want to be distressed around the level of 7 - 8 from your one writing episode. DO NOT stop until you have that much distress or you have finished one entire trauma (whichever comes first), though also be mindful to not over extend yourself into a 9 or 10 region, as that area is often critical breakdown.

And another good thread on SUDS if you're not familiar with it (although note the example given of the 1-10 scale is just one possible version of many, and there are several other versions listed in different posts). What Is Your Subjective Units Of Distress (suds) Rating Right Now?

 

[Tazaju]

Using the Subjective Units of Disturbance (SUDS) scale, which is viewed as a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being the worst), you want to be distressed around the level of 7 - 8 from your one writing episode. DO NOT stop until you have that much distress or you have finished one entire trauma (whichever comes first), though also be mindful to not over extend yourself into a 9 or 10 region, as that area is often critical breakdown.

Whoops. Helps to actually add the bold! :facepalm:

 

[Ugur]

words not my own:

"my mind is a dangerous place, I don't like to go there alone"

I think that is what a therapist is, they are a guide through a rough part of town.

 

[Dalefi]

Agree. It is scary to share. But you can go as slowly as you like. You are the boss. Sometimes I think I win "slowest client to trust" award but I see advances and it feels good. Stay with it.

 

[Upe]

"Slowest client to trust"!! I think that sums it up.
Thanks for all this feedback. I was very triggered yesterday - it helped coming here.
Sometimes when I think about my own traumas, it feels like the most traumatic part of it was the bad responses or non responses of others. In some horrible way it made me feel more bound to the perpetrator when I was a child and I think I've repeated that pattern through my life. Nowhere to go. No one to trust.
But when that button gets pushed I still feel it so bad
thectherapist isn't just saying what's right or wrong - maybe she's reminding me it wasn't my fault. It's that old scary feeling.....
I never heard of SUDS!! Yep I think mine went too high, I never know when that's going to happen!!!
Thank you everyone who responded! It really helps not to feel this on my own.
Trust trust trust.
I don't know how to trust )-:
I'm trying!

 

[Gesice]

"Slowest client to trust"!! I think that sums it up.
Thanks for all this feedback. I was very triggered yesterday - it he...

You trusted enough to post here. That's a step.

It's ok to be slow to trust. A lot of us learn the hard way that trust can be violated, because of experiencing the trauma. But, trust can also be safe. Not everyone is out to hurt people.