There Has To Be Another Alternative

[Cavegirl]

Fell for him... Now I find out he is not only not single like he said, but LIVES with his gf. He says he just was lonely and wanted to be my friend. Lied to me about being interested in me because he didn't think I'd be his friend otherwise.

I know that I shouldn't be affected by others actions towards me. That my sense of self should be strong enough on its own. But I am devastated. He treated me with with such care, and patience, and respect. i don't even know how to survive this. I let him in and I find out he never wanted me. I feel so foolish.

I feel like I'm teetering on the edge. I've been blocking people pretending to like me just to get sex for so long it never occurred to me someone would pretend to like me but only want friendship.

My counselor is worthless, and I literally feel like I have nobody to talk to. Reached out to my 2 friends and got, wow that sucks, cut him off. That was it. I've done that already, but how do I live?

I already have to block out si's fairly regularly but all night i kept waking up overwhelmed seeing no way out of this pain.

How many times can someone be hurt and still go on? I have finals next week and need to study, but why bother?

I just needed to vent. I'm grateful for a place I can talk about si's without people acting like I'm a ticking time bomb

Any suggestions as to how you pick yourself back up would be welcomed.

 

[Friday]

I'm curious why you would believe him that he lied to you about being interested in you and all he wanted was a friendship... After being caught lying to you about having a girlfriend.

Seriously, don't pick the one part that is -theoretically- bad about you to believe.

Were there good parts about him? Certainly.
But you're not the bad guy in this scenario.
You're not the one who was lying or cheating. He was.

No-no-no... It's not like that! I was never interested in you...
...Is just his back pedaling / tap dance / blame shifting.
More lies. On top of lies. Trying to save his own ass.

You did good in this scenario. You found out he was a snake, and you cut him off. I really wish doing the right thing felt good more often. But just because it doesn't feel good? Doesn't make it the wrong thing to have done. & it doesn't make it your fault.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

I've had something similar happen-----I had a friend who came on very strong. I later learned that he didn't want more, had no intentions for more. I was dumbfounded as he acted like he liked me more than any guy before. To this day I can't figure out if that was just a line.

When I get knocked down I go into hibernation mode of sorts where I focus on myself and shut the rest of the world out. I take care of myself, do special things for myself.

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 541]

I had a guy do this to me many yrs ago. But unlike you, I didn't blame myself. I put the blame right where it belonged, squarely with him. When I found out that he was living with his girlfriend, I called him and confronted him with it. He tried to lie to me and told me that she wasn't his girlfriend and that she just lived there. I was so pissed that I told him I was going to contact her and tell her just what a shit he really was. I did, and it was empowering, and I learned that I didn't always have to be the one to take the blame. She ended up marring the ass, and I'm sure he still cheats on her, but she got what she got.... And I got satisfaction!!!!!

You are self imposing the blame with this situation, instead of placing the blame where it needs to be. Really rethink things and try to fully understand what's going on and why you "think" that you are to blame, when clearly you are not.

 

[Cavegirl]

I'm curious why you would believe him that he lied to you about being interested in you and...

Thank you so much for your comments. I felt my eyes pop open wide reading it. You're right... Why only believe the negative comment from the liar?

 

[Cavegirl]

I almost texted him this evening. I actually had it typed out before I came to my senses. I never delete old text threads etc. but tonight I deleted every single trace of him out of my phone. It feels empowering. I no longer have to worry about if I should write him, etc. it's no longer an option.

It popped in my head today that on a scale of 1 to N**** (guy I loved last year that wanted only to be my fwb) this guy is just a blip. I survived the loss of N**** I know I can survive this.

I've really been working hard today telling the ugly thoughts that creep in to stop. As soon as I recognize them I say stop. It appears to be helping a little.