There's someone dangerous outside my bathroom door

[Freida]

Door open? Life’s good.
Door closed? Beeeeware. Hell’s coming.

Yep.

 

[knuckles]

@bellbird, is it still bad for you, the bathroom situation?

 

[Mach123]

I was talking to the therapist yesterday about those years in that house. They would get drunk and I'd hear the tone and tenor of their voices change. I knew what that meant.

I was/am so horrified and I can't make it stop.
I think this is being stuck and this feeling runs me.

The sexual things going on were separate but they weren't. It was in that house I knew I was a girl.

He would leave for a few days and go back to his wife and kids. I d go to my mom who was having a drink in the morning and say "we can escape" and she'd say "escape from what?"

I think this feeling is being stuck.
This feeling runs me.

The therapist said yesterday "how about some more EMDR?" This is what we were talking about. She said "it has to be specific," and "do some writing this week."

I think I'll email her this.

 

[blackemerald1]

I ended up liking him, too.

^ I bet you did @Friday :giggle::p: :hilarious::)
When is a towel everr accidentally dropped?????

@bellbird - I think anyone that's been 'trapped' in a place or had perps coming through apparently solid doors/walls/windows - would be feeling the same as you are now about the toilet.

I have my own particular places that are always left open or checked out before I am satisfied I am safe etc., Been doing that for a really long time now.

T says that it's now more of a phobia with me. Probably the whole thing being left untreated allowed it to progress. We've been working on it for a long time with no satisfactory result.

But you've caught it relatively early so yes explore it with T when you are back home and well enough. :)

 

[Mach123]

I know I have a feeling about waiting for my wife to come in the bedroom. (I want her to)

And then there is and feeling about being afraid to open the door.

He used to get drunk and pass out in the chair with the 30 30 loaded in his lap. (Deer rifle)

So the whole door closed thing is a thing for sure.

 

[bellbird]

@bellbird I’ve been meaning to respond to this for long enough I’ve lost a couple different drafts now,

Ditto to you.

Been trying to question why.

In order for the bathroom to be a safe place? There has to be danger outside of it.

I think the logic of your post, and ^ in particular, is too far towards logic-logic, on the Grand Scale O' Logic (GSOL), and it clashed with the PTSD logic of my brain :D .

Because my immediate thought was: but... there *was* danger outside it at one time, therefore there will continue to be until the end of time
and (quitting italics because they were hurting my eyes)
the fact that he hasn't been outside my door for the last [# of days since I left] x [# bathroom trips per day], is merely a consequence of Schrodinger's Abuser and not a guarantee that he won't be outside the very next time I use a bathroom.

@bellbird, is it still bad for you, the bathroom situation?

Hmm. How to answer.

Well, I still can't go to the bathroom, sit down, and y'know, do my business without first feeling the adrenaline rush/heart picks up/chest tightens et al.

I first have to calm myself down, and then we can do what we came there for.

But.
My little self soothe ritual does make me smile.
Like before, I tell myself that I'm ok.

But I also picture all y'alls little avatars outside guarding the door :laugh:
Sometimes the little colourful squares are moving back and forth in front of the door, really fast, to confuse/trip up any danger that might be there. And sometimes they're stacked up like a brick wall, completely blocking the bathroom door.

@Freida 's SD is there too, being such a good and loyal doggo (the only way I can imagine him) and blocking the heck outta the door.

So I guess my answer is yes and no :)
But I suppose that's also the best I can hope for until I can see T in person again, and start actually processing this.

 

[Friday]

:hilarious: I may have to hang this on the door. That’s kind of brilliant.

Dead Link Removed

Dead Link Removed

 

[knuckles]

I follow you @bellbird. Didn't think your past experiences had magically stopped interfering with your present.

The thing is, I was pondering a way to make the bathroom situation less stressful.

Desensitization and counterconditioning.
(it's about dog training, but the concepts are the same regardless of species - and Eileen makes it easy to grasp imo)

If you (generically speaking) can find a way to set this up, it should be possible to bypass the thinking part of your brain and simply start forging new possitive experiences - new neurological pathways.

I have used counterconditioning in a couple of situations myself with success. I'm not sure how you would go about setting it up in your specific situation though.

It might go something like this:
First of; find something that is really reinforcing for you (something edible, a favourite piece of music, personal notes/texts/audio sequence that give you comfort and joy, favorite scents, a short cuddle session or training session with your bird - or whatever makes you happy and cheerful).
Then, approach the bathroom. Don't go past your "threshold", stay where you are still okay. Treat yourself silly and retreat - the retreat in itself might also work as a reinforcer. Do this whenever you feel like it and see if you are able to gradually work yourself into the bathroom - with the door open for starters. Break things down/tweak it to fit, make it easy for yourself to succeed, small steps, and keep rewarding yourself to build those positive connections.

I would like to picture you having someone you trust help you out, so that when you feel ready for it, you could have that person approach the bathroom while you're inside (with an open door for starters and you in the doorway maybe - working your way up to closed/locked door) and give you the reward before retreating again. Building new positive experiences of someone approaching/opening the door - a scenario similar to what you came to fear.
If that is not possible, I would love for the effect of working on it yourself (if you choose to do so at some point) to have enough impact to relieve at least some of the pressure you endure.

Now though this may seem fairly simple, I know it is not the case. At least that's how it is for me - I have had plenty of "should be easy to pull off-plans" using counterconditioning and/or desensitization for various situations, that I never managed to even get started on. So please don't feel any pressure to implement any of the above. That is not my intention.

 

[Freida]

I was just talking to t about this today -- how annoyed I am that I STILL believe that there's a shooter outside the door. I like @knuckles idea of treats to combat it!

@Freida 's SD is there too, being such a good and loyal doggo (the only way I can imagine him) and blocking the heck outta the door.

And hes happy to be there for you! :hug:

I may have to hang this on the door. That’s kind of brilliant.

Must. Have, This. :laugh:

 

[bellbird]

The thing is, I was pondering a way to make the bathroom situation less stressful.

So please don't feel any pressure to implement any of the above. That is not my intention.

No pressure felt, rather a lot of gratitude for your taking time to think about this and sharing your ideas with me.

I will keep this in the back of my toolbox, to try once my surgery recovery has progressed a little more. Maybe bring it to T with me when I return.
Thank you, @knuckles :hug:

And hes happy to be there for you! :hug:

You know, I'm super biased because he helps you so much so of course I'm gonna think he is fabulous, but he's probably my favourite dog that I've never met :laugh: please give him some pats from me :hug:

 

[Freida]

You know, I'm super biased because he helps you so much so of course I'm gonna think he is fabulous, but he's probably my favourite dog that I've never met :laugh: please give him some pats from me :hug:

he says thank you and gives you kisses and waggy tail :laugh: