Things Are Never Going To Get Better

[FindingMyself88]

I am in a bad place tonight. I am so tired of fighting so dang hard and things never getting better. Or if I do get a small break of peace, it only gets worse after it ends than it was before. I try so dang hard. I'm persistent in therapy, I'm trying to finish school, I'm trying to find a job. I NEED another service dog, but I can't afford one without a job. But I can't function enough to work more than a few hours. I try to find part time work- but I get turned down. My parents think I am being lazy because I can barely function. Or they say I am wasting my time doing things that I use as coping skills. They think I shouldn't get another dog, that I should just use Bristol despite the fact that she is not fit for public access.

I'm just so tired of trying.

 

[The Albatross]

Either you got motivation to initiate change or you stay the same. The pain of one over the other is a hell of a motivator isn't it. If you can barely function get to functional first before you load on all the other stuff. When you can barely function gal that's the priority. Service dog, well that would be a blessing... but what are you going to do in the meantime? Hopefully you'll be investing in you.

 

[The Albatross]

Life is hard. Life is harder with adversity or PTSD or mental illness. Switch your focus to school and a job. You have a dog... you're going to school, determine to finish and get the job and then get the service dog you want/need/desire.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Im trying- thats the thing! But its not working. I try so damn hard.

 

[The Albatross]

Define "working" please.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Im applying for all the jobs that I think I could manage to function in at least part time. I keep getting turned down or not hearing back even after contacting. I am mentoring under another dog trainer, but right now she can't pay me because she just started up her business after quitting petsmart. Im back in school taking one class- but struggling with it. yes Bristol helps at home, but I have no help in public. I go and see my T every time we have an appointment, I do all we talk about doing. It helps for a bit, but doesnt last. I am on the medications my doctor has me on. I am trying!

 

[The Albatross]

Does it mean you are unable to do your classes? You are unable to function on your own without a service dog? Because you've done that already. Is it hard, hell yeah it's hard, but hey that's a general consensus/

 

[The Albatross]

Okay so you're disappointed cuz you're getting turned down for jobs. You seen Gizmo's diary? She needs a job too.

 

[The Albatross]

Perspective gal... perspective rules the mental/emotional landscape. Check yours. Awfulizing is a maladaptive thinking pattern.

 

[FindingMyself88]

its not just that. I know I'm not the only one.

 

[Neverthesame]

Maybe this isn't what you are having an issue with but. I am seeing someone trying very hard to impress.

If your coping strategies are working for you, great. That is what they are for. You. If someone else thinks your lazy, thats unfortunate, but too damn bad for them.

Finding work is hard, keep trying, someone will hire you. Try to remember that you weren't hired because they didn't think you would fit at that company. In other words, you didn't want to work there anyway.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Its hard when its the parents you live with and they throw it in your face that they are the ones supporting you.