Things My Therapist Says....

[Kaii]

I have been seeing a new therapist and he has been working on my anxiety. He keeps using reality orientation to show me that just because Sarah was murdered so brutally, that it doesn't mean that it will happen to me as well. He keeps using examples like "Sarah was murdered by someone she knew, not a stranger from the street".

He's trying to get me to see that most people are decent human beings. I hear him talking, I hear the words coming out of his mouth....but the problem is that I don't believe him. I sometimes wonder if I will ever see the world through trusting eyes again?

After my therapy session today, I left his office and there was a woman standing outside on the sidewalk. She stood in the middle and would not move as I passed her. My anxiety ramped up serveral notches and I was very nervous. I watched her like a hawk as I walked past her. I even tilted my head and watched her in my peripheral vision. I hate it when people are behind me.

So much for the lovely therapy session and "not everyone is out to get you" speech.

What will it take for me to trust others again? Words like " no one is going to harm you" are just not enough for me.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think one has to try to 'let' themself believe the words. It is very difficult and takes time.

 

[TLight]

Building a relationship with someone who is trustworthy and experiencing that relationship over a long period of time is really the only thing that can help make us feel safer and able to trust other things about life.

It takes a very long time.

 

[Heather]

Kai - I can only imagine what it must be like for you. I came home today and found my apartment building surrounded my police cars and detectives. They were looking for a fugitive wanted for murder/robbery! It was very scary.

Doesn't come close to what you experienced like comparing apples to lego's but I immediately was in a panic and wanted to move. I'm sorry life seems so scary and unsafe right now.

Know that I'm thinking of you and sending you healing hugs.

Take care of yourself. Heather

 

[KP the nut]

(((Kaii)))

Can I ask how long you have been in therapy? IMHO, it will take an awful long time for you to move from the negative cognition 'everyone is out to get me' to the positive cognition 'no one is going to harm you'.

Words are easy, accepting them takes longer. I've been working on this and v slowly it is happening for me.

Wishing you peace and acceptance
KP

 

[ronin47]

You've probably heard this before, but it takes time. Lots of people get frustrated with therapy because they feel like it's not working or not working fast enough. The key is just to remind yourself of that old cliche "A day at a time, a moment at a time."

You've been through something that is horrific by any standard. There's no way around that. It will take time, a lot of time, to move through and past it. But just remember, you've gotten started. Every day you're moving away from that history, it may be just a tiny bit at a time, but you're moving.

 

[Tinyflame]

What works best for me is to forget- not avoidance but to be more concerned about someone else's welfare or feelings than to think of my own fears/ thoughts (on a moment-by-moment basis).

 

[Froggie]

Dear ((((Kaii)))), how can you start trusting others if you can't have complet trust with yourself ?

What you witnessed is horrible and you are a strenght for Sarah's family ... start with yourself ... trust what your senses perceive ... time will do the rest ... candle burning for you also ...

 

[The Albatross]

I had to desensitize the biggest trigger. For me that meant going to a convenience store at night buying one item and leaving... I did 10 stores a night for 3 nights. I had to risk something to get something.

 

[Reclusive]

I have the same issue. I know I'm going to be okay. I know the house isn't going to burn down every time I leave it. I know I'm a good person. I know all that. They're filed away with all the other facts in my head that I can in no way whatsoever believe. Knowing and Knowing are two different things and I guess it just takes a lot of repetition - kind of brainwashing yourself - to get it to really work. But I don't know, because I haven't gotten there yet.

 

[mamachick]

Getting it in your head and getting it in your heart are two different things. Its like believing on an intellectual level, but he heart is resisting the belief. Maybe your brain can convince your heart.

"Sarah was murdered by someone she knew, not a stranger" If that is true, it reinforces statistics that more murders are by someone they know. Just as more rapes occur that way and not a stranger jumping from the bushes.

Sometimes I write down the facts on a post it or note card like an affirmation. Put them on frig, by toothbrush, etc so that I will see them everyday. I challenge my thinking with them. I also have found very helpful-an affirmation book by date-my favorite is one that is children of alcoholics. The daily messages are about my worth, my peace, my rights-changing thinking from self critical to self care.

I know that for me ptsd is like having a pair of sunglasses on that alters my perception of the world. At its worst, I have looked around and thought of others something like this (You must be stupid to be having a good time and laughing, you dont know how bad the world is, any good is an illusion for fools, how do you continue to go to work and business as usual when things are so awful, these people just dont know because they have not experienced, if they did, they would be or think like me) I call this the ptsd distortion. Changing the lens takes a lot of work and the therapist can guide me but I have to do the work.

If some came in my home they would think I am the nut with all my post its and note cards with thoughts, or lists of things I cant remember, or a dream from the night before, etc. However, the shade in the lens is lightening and I am seeing things or perceiving them just a little closer to those without the lens. Progress is good.

One thing I have discovered is the distortion I have about empowerment- Others have more power than I , they have the ability to harm by x, y, z. I am helpless do a degree. When I was healthier, I believed that I controlled my destiny. Sick I fully believe I was controlled by destiny. The shift did not happen over night, so shifting back wont either. It wont at all if I hold onto my beliefs. We do chose our beliefs and I am choosing something that works better for me.

 

[Tinyflame]

brat, that's very true I think.
I think of several different glasses (different lens colors).

I don't feel I have the 'choices' or 'control' so to speak, that I felt or 'perceived' when I was much healthier, but I don't feel (now) that it means it will be ~'all bad', either.

I'm really happy for you, though. :):tup: