General Things To Know When Dealing With PTSD (As a Carer)

[Saphy]

• Someone whose trauma came from violence like war may actually find comfort in watching war movies or playing war games...weird I know

So I've thought about this a lot before I found this forum. I realized even PTSD which stems from sexual abuse can cause someone to become hypersexual or promiscuous. Although it seems counter-intuitive, there is a method to this madness.

Essentially, when a PTSD victim indulges in something traumatic in this way, it is a way of self-healing. When this occurs, do not think that the PTSD victim is being hypocritical. In fact, it is quite the contrary. The PTSD victim is trying to compensate for the lack of control they once felt in their past. There is a direct way to confront and to control a situation when it occurs in forms of video games, posters, pictures and movies. There is a way to exit which comforts the PTSD victim. I think this is really reassuring. Imagine that you had to climb across a tightrope. I think you would feel a lot more comfortable and calm if the rope was a foot from the ground instead of a hundred feet from the ground. This is what I feel when I confront situations that could deal with my trauma.

However, it is important to realize when this type of confrontation is healthy and when it isn't. When these events lead to crisis and an increase in suicidal thoughts, it isn't healthy and needs to be stopped. Often, a PTSD victim will respond to guilt and disappointment (with themselves) with self-destruction. This need not be manifested physically and can commonly be exhibited as emotional numbness. I hope this helps in your understanding of PTSD. Thanks for reading.

(To Nicolette: Just wanted to explain that point since it seems confusing but if you'd like me to move this to another part of the forum I wouldn't mind since it isn't in the list format. Sorry about that and thanks for making such a helpful reference.)

 

[Nicolette]

Interesting and valuable insight Saphy. I think it's fine here as it still falls under "Thing to know when dealing with PTSD" :)

 

[melody]

Because we love you unconditionally :inlove:

And for that, you are truly amazing!

 

[leweyoz]

I realise this thread is quite old but thought I'd add some. Lots of great points made. I agree that the good stress isn't always thought of as a problem.

- lack of sleep
- weight gain. (can cause extra stress as they are not happy with the increase etc
- As mentioned very jumpy, Thunder which was once loved is now cause for great distress.
- Easily offended.
- Lack of cencentration.
- Inability to drive in any kind of traffic, only drives local now.
- Try not to over congratulate or bolster their spirits. It places them on a pedestal that they feel thy can't maintain. We think we're being positive and lifting their self esteem, but it can have an oppisite effect.
- Someone asked what should they do? My hubby says he just needs to know I care and that he is loved. Idon't have to "do" anything else.

 

[Sandra]

That can be true Leweyoz about self esteem. I have this friend who is always thinking and talking so negative about himself. He wants to be in a relationship but I personally don't think he is ready. He is 51 and only had one relationship in his life. And it was her that left him. That marriage only lasted one and a half years. We can talk about anything and I have spoken my mind on this. And telling him he has to stop having a negative mindset. But he just isn't listening to me. He still keeps talking bad about himself. It's gotten so I don't say much anymore since he isn't listening to me. He is talking to a lady lately that he met from the net but no idea if this will pan out. And if this person picks up on his negative mindset that just might make them run away from him. But I will always be there for him to listen to him if that happens.

 

[leweyoz]

You're a good friend Sandra to be there for him.

 

[Sandra]

As he has been there for me too Leweyoz.

He doesn't have ptsd but obviously has a low self esteem. Well I tried to help him. But it's him that has to do the changing of himself.

 

[JHBarron]

Oh no ..
I wasn't aware that texting thoughts were harmful. And I've done that before. No wonder he never replies. I, too, am constantly learning each and everyday. This forum is very educating.

I think I missed this - Why is that a no - no? admittedly I did this over the last 2 years since my friend came home. I thought by texting was giving him space and letting him know someone cares for him. Thanks for responding. I know I am seeing a very old thread.

 

[Nicolette]

Why is that a no - no? admittedly I did this over the last 2 years since my friend came home. I thought by texting was giving him space and letting him know someone cares for him.

JHB, while to a normal healthy person, who says they need space, texting would sort of be considered nice if it was just "I'm thinking of you" but it's still an intrusion even though well intentioned. Most people would say that was nice and you were being a good friend.

To a person who has PTSD, who is overloaded and wants isolation, a text is a no-no as it is not giving them space in their eyes. Space usually means NO contact and they can't take any more contact - more so with people who mean something to them.

I see it first hand here... if Anthony is unwell a get a text he cringes and doesn't even get up to see who sent the message, worse if the phone rings. The only thing is he will check if I am at work as we have an understanding however if he is unwell I will do my utmost not to text or call. I will miss his daily 'I love you call' and will feel down but it's better than pushing him right away.

While letting someone know you care is lovely - to a PTSD Sufferer wanting space - showing you care is actually not making any contact (as hard as that may be) as that is what they need and what they are asking for. There is no cryptic message and they want you to call - it's really clear and if you don't get that pretty quickly you could turn some time out into something disastrous....seriously.

 

[amethist]

JHB, just to add what Nicolette has already said above.

My husband refuses to answer the phone most days, because it annoys him when some cold caller rings trying to sell something. So even if someone calls to speak to him, if he is not well and I am not in he will just let it ring.

We have an answer phone, so if it is important they can leave a message and I will pick it up when I get back. If I call for a good reason, we have a code, which means he will then answer it on the third consecutive time of ringing.

If they are trying to deal with what ever is going on in their head at that time, the last thing they need is someone else putting extra stress in there. Knowing you care is one thing, pushing the fact home day after day is a definite no no.

So a request for no contact is exactly that, No Contact.

 

[Nicolette]

My husband refuses to answer the phone most days, because it annoys him when some cold caller rings trying to sell something. So even if someone calls to speak to him, if he is not well and I am not in he will just let it ring.

We have an answer phone, so if it is important they can leave a message and I will pick it up when I get back.

Anthony simply refuses to answer the home phone, and we have an answering machine, so his dad now knows to start leaving a message and the phone will be picked up by Anthony if home and well.

Sometimes when Anthony doesn't hear his mobile and I ring the home phone, I too have to start leaving a message as he wont even get up to see the caller ID.

 

[Anna]

Answering machines are the best invention known to man after the washing machine. I answered the phone to a cold caller once. I told them exactly what I thought and I don't want to buy their s***. I exploded, they were so annoying, trying to sell me stuff I don't need.

A good idea is caller ID. Then you can see if it is family or friends who are calling. If it says caller unknown just let the machine pick up.