This Is Not My Life. Not My Truth.

[Deleted member 12723]

Wow! I agree with what Britt said. I am so sorry Britt that they gave you that book. I am so sorry. You are amazing and gifted and strong. I love reading what you have to say. You have so much common sense. Hugs and prayers.

 

[Hashi]

The trouble with therpy is the therapist (by design) holds the power. They diagnose. They pathologize. They decide what is and what is not normal/appropriate. And when we don't agree with the therapist, they then hold the power to label our rebellion as denial, delusion, or dysfunction. There are some therapists who challenge their own power by creating collaborative relationships, but therapy by definition is a one sided trip of power with rules by which I refuse to play.

Lady Vet, I can't entirely agree with you. I assume you're talking partly about deciding a diagnosis of mental illness, such as PTSD or bipolar disorder. I know this can result in a label which could be stigmatising or damaging in some other way, and may not even be correct. My personal experience of psychotherapists, though, is that they're very aware of this and careful about it.

Reading what you wrote, I have to say psychiatrists might come to mind more than others because of their training, approach and expectations. For that reason, and from bad past experiences, I avoid them completely.

There could be a difference in therapy cultures in different countries and, within that, in different situations. I'm in the UK and very wary of NHS therapy - I know there are good NHS therapists, but also not so good. On the other hand I think the private therapy system in the UK has many good therapists, who see themselves as there to support their clients and be of service to them. There also seems to be a healthy cynicism about using labels or over-pathologising. Not all therapists, but many.

Even in my past experiences with bad therapists, the issues weren't usually to do with power trips. Usually, I saw it as being about money rather than heart. Those therapists are easy to spot and avoid, though.

I understand that different systems can be detrimental to the client, and as someone who's suffered in the past from misdiagnosis in the NHS, I sympathise with this.

The advantage of having a terrible NHS and little insurance culture, and therefore now having to pay privately, is being able to choose a good therapist. There are a lot of good ones out there. I'd always advise a great deal of care in picking a therapist, and I'd always recommend therapy if it's an option. Good therapy is life-changing.

 

[Britt.f7]

Gizmo, thank you for your support. It means a great deal coming from you! :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are welcome. Hugs.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

How are you doing today Abstract? You have been on my mind. Hugs.

 

[Abstract]

(((((Sailorgal)))

I pretty much always fight and am determined I guess so maybe that is a good thing. I just often recently have doubts about what the right direction is. If I am making this up then I need to just get on with living. If not then I need treatment and need to accept what is. :confused:

"I am fine" normally means either that I am a perfectly healthy person and just wanting attention, or I am a perfectly healthy person except that I have factitious disorder and make up stories to get attention. Or the other option is that I am not fine and am in fact decidedly crazy. The last option being that I have PTSD and am experiencing some sort of denial-on-speed.

I really haven't found anything that works with being in that mindspace other than talking it out online. That has helped me a lot. I have to say that I have been much better with it which is great. I have different theories about what is happening but the reality is that I don't know.

Dear Abstract, I hope you are able to find a solid Therapist soon who can help you in unleashing these ties that bind. :)

Thank you Sailorgal. You are sweet.


(((Gizmo))))
Thank you. You are sweet. And thanks for asking after me. Not too crazy today thank goodness.


Hi (((Jaret))),
I am sorry you have been accused. It sounds very hurtful. Good for you for removing them.

Never feel bad for not answering as we all do what we can when we can. And when we feel we have something to say or it feels right. It all works out.


((((Safenow))), if OK.
You are right that we all end up abusing ourselves. Isn't it sad? I hate to see it in others. It's always to easy to see from the outside.

Reprogramming is good advice. Thank you! You are wise. I think if I had confirmation from a therapist that this is some sort of denial then I would feel safe fighting the thoughts more strongly. It just feels so logical most of the time. That the PTSD and everything linked is not real.

Thank you for believing in me. That helps a lot. That is very interesting about "bless your heart".


(((quaintpapercut)))) if Ok.

Your not crazy! I feel the same way when my symptoms get very bad. I hope you find someone soon .

Thank you! That helps. I hope you are right. I am glad you have a good therapist.

(((Britt))),
I definitely don't disbelieve in PTSD's validity. I literally go through stages of believing I have lied to professionals about my experiences and therefore do not have it.

I am very sorry that your parents did something so awfully invalidating. It shocks me how often the person who has been wronged is the one that has anger or judgements aimed at them. I am glad you had friends and your grandfather to support you.

I too believe that illness of all types don't define us.

Just a matter of thought, people do not have to believe you. What matters is what you feel and believe for yourself. They don't have to understand you either. What they do have to do is respect you.

You are right of course. If I was a rational person right now I think I could work on that. Even though I have troubles trusting myself I can normally tell that much and therefore know what to work on. This is totally different. This isn't really about anyone else at all I don't think. This is an internal war going on inside me. Everything you say is true and maybe if I get past one or two layers of this craziness I could start working on it at that level.

 

[Sailorgal]

Hugs to you dear Abstract! I would never say we ate crazy! We just have a lot more going on that competes for airtime! Some more dominant than others!

Speaking and writing really does help. It's utilizing our senses together.

Please just don't beat yourself up over it! We are already in our own battle. :)

 

[Tanishq]

Hi (((Jaret))), I am sorry you have been accused. It sounds very hurtful. Good for you for removing them. Never feel bad for not answering as we all do what we can when we can. And when we feel we have something to say or it feels right. It all works out.

:hug:

Dear Abstract,

I don't see you as attention seeker. You sound like a person who wants to pay attention to their problems. Perhaps that makes you feel and look for attention?

 

[MissMacD]

PTSD can bog you down and burn bridges in your life but it doesn't mean that you can't build new ones.

 

[Britt.f7]

I literally go through stages of believing I have lied to professionals about my experiences and therefore do not have it.

Somebody sowed the seeds of doubt in you a long time ago. When I doubt myself about the validity, or whether they really were that bad, I look at how my body responds to things. It definitely does not respond in a way that I want it to.

My mom use to say the craziest things, sometimes very hurtful and definitely degrading to me. For example when I said I didn't like the way my uncle looked at me. Kind of like a construction worker looks at a woman walking by. She told me maybe I would enjoy it more if I didn't get it so much. I was in my late teens, early twenties. Later when I told her about that, she didn't believe she said anything like that. I told her, Mom why would I want to think that you said something like that. She really didn't have anything to say to that.

My parents spent most of my life invalidating me. Sometimes, my closest sister does the same thing. I think that one hurts the most because she was also my witness to things. A betrayal of sorts.

It took me a long time to validate how I feel and what happened to me over the years. It wasn't something that happened over night. There are still times I don't want to believe it, or downplay things. Unfortunately it happened and no amount of telling myself it didn't is going to make it not have happened.

I wish you the strength you are definitely going to need through this journey. Just so you know, through your postings, I have never had the feeling that you were faking anything. It is definitely not what you project.

 

[Tanishq]

My parents spent most of my life invalidating me.

Mine,too.

It would annoy me to see them acting like they are gods and whatever they say is truth.

Britt, I can understand when someone keeps invalidating you, that can lead you to second guessing or doubting in long term. That can very self destructive,too.

 

[Lady Vet]

Lady Vet, I can't entirely agree with you. My personal experience of psychotherapists, though, is that they're very aware of this and careful about it.

Hashi...I am very glad that you have had a more positive experience with therapists (than I have). But a lot of my frustration with the therapy profession is not even so much about my experience as a client, but more about the way I was trained to BE as a therapist. (My grad school program was a family therapy program.) I resisted at all cost to be the kind of therapist I was being trained to be (i.e., the one in charge and control of the therapeutic process). So I completely own my negativity on this issue. :)

My personal saving grace was exposure to postmodern modalities that were collaborative in nature, which is so much more empowering of the client. Unfortunately (for me) exposure to these modalities arrived too late on the scene to prevent me from walking away from the profession. No regrets. :)