@Zoogal ... I'm a bit late to the thread, but wanted to let you know you're not crazy or stupid. What you're experiencing is part of negative conditioning ("I was planning to leave, but then I was put on a drug and I stopped...").
Three decades of being medically forced into consent, and years later I'm still wary. So no, you're not crazy and you're not stupid -- you're just mindful of what happened and not wanting to risk endangering yourself like that again.
Your health is a team effort, but in the end you're the decider. And part of being the decider is asking questions people don't always like answering honestly (or honestly advising they don't have the answer), while doing your own research. This is a difficult lesson to work with, but a lot of people would be in far worse situations if they didn't listen to the voice in the back of their heads.
And it sounds like you're starting to hear it too. It's alright. What happened, happened... but today is a new day, clean slate, and you're still the decider.
How do you want to pursue this goal for success, Captain? :hug: