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Sufferer This is the first support group I’ve tried…

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sunlight7

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Hi everyone! I really don’t know where to start. This is my first time trying a support group however, I’ve been in and out of therapy most of my whole life. I have ADHD, dyslexia and PTSD. I finally decided to go back to therapy specifically to address my abuse from my ex partner and how PTSD affects my every day life.

My ex is a viloent alcoholic, drug user, and addicted to gambling as well as a narcissist. They really know how to love bomb. He was very mentally and emotionally abusive towards me and towards the end of our relationship it was getting physical. How I left is something I wish I could be more proud of but that’s a story for another day.

I go to a therapist now that specializes in PTSD and how to cope, it’s been hard having to talk about it. I typically avoid talking about any of it, I hate even saying his name.

I am an agoraphobic, I wasn’t always. I do work from home so during the day I really don’t have control over it but I’ve pretty much isolated myself except from my family which is my mom and my dad. I still talk to a few friends but that’s only through phone or text.

I came here looking for understanding or something I’m not quite sure yet what that is. I don’t know, it’s like you can talk to someone and tell them what you’ve been through but I think it’s different when the person’s been through it too so here I am.
 
Welcome to the forum! You can find lots of information and resources as well as friendly and compassionate members.

The staff is excellent at managing any questions or concerns and I can say wholeheartedly that I have been helped in ways that I can't adequately express.

I’ve been a member for 10 + years and have made lasting connections with more than a few members.

I hope you will be blessed as I have been blessed! You have found a super special place indeed!💜
AKJ
 
Welcome, @sunlight7!

I do work from home so during the day I really don’t have control over it but I’ve pretty much isolated myself except from my family which is my mom and my dad. I still talk to a few friends but that’s only through phone or text.
This is me exactly! I started working from home about a year ago, and absolutely hate to go out. That's new for me, too. I talk to my mom, who is 88, several times a day, but that's pretty much it. I don't talk on the phone with anyone else. I did find it helpful to do some small things with other people (for a short time). I am involved with a pagan group near me, but I struggle with social interaction.
 
Welcome, @sunlight7!


This is me exactly! I started working from home about a year ago, and absolutely hate to go out. That's new for me, too. I talk to my mom, who is 88, several times a day, but that's pretty much it. I don't talk on the phone with anyone else. I did find it helpful to do some small things with other people (for a short time). I am involved with a pagan group near me, but I struggle with social interaction.
I struggle with social interactions as well. My anxiety goes through the roof especially with new people.
 
it’s hard for me to open up, but then once I do, it’s like floodgates.

Recently within the last month my anxiety has been worse (and it’s already very bad, I can’t leave the house bad) I think it’s because with my therapist I’m going through that time in my life with my ex with her.

I try to express to my parents who I live with because I’m too afraid to live on my own about my triggers and I did the best I could to explain to them what triggers are, how they make you feel, why I have them.

Anyway they got offended because they thought that I was basically saying they were the ones causing me to be triggered all the time. when in actuality, I was trying to say these are my triggers (like loud noises), and because I am around you the most, you sometimes do them (for example drop something) and I made sure to say anybody could cause a trigger for me it’s not the person who is the trigger (in this case) it’s a sound or tone of voice, etc. I kept saying that it wasn’t them that Causes them, they just happen

and anyone could cause one. I mean a loud noise triggers me because my ex used to punch holes in the wall… through the wall actually and someone could simply drop some thing loud and it’s a trigger but anyway, I felt like I was being tag teamed and gaslighted (earlier in the conversation my mom and said you’re talking about your triggers to much) and I told her later in the conversation I was hurt that she said that and she said I didn’t say that (she was tired and hurting). And then my dad (when he’s upset he can say some hurtful things nothing that would constitute abuse, but it still stings like you said you’re in our house do you’re a guest and were used to do my things a certain way, I’ve lived off and on in this house since I was seven and I felt like then do I even have a home) **he wrote me a letter the next day apologizing for that and said this would always be my home** got involved and I started to hyperventilate I felt like I was having a heart attack, that I couldn’t breathe. I never suffered a panic attack that badly before that I can remember, I have blocked memories from my time with my ex.

My parents are good supportive people and there were a lot of circumstances that night where we were all tired and emotional and immediately when I start having my panic attack it’s like a flip switch and they went to parent mode comfort mode, so I just wanted to put that out there because they are really good people.

I probably sound like a whiny kid or something but that was my experience trying to talk about my triggers. I did not bring my triggers m up that night. I was anxious. My mother asked me what was going on and that’s how it got started.

I actually had a therapy appointment the next day and I talk to her about it and she told me that it was probably a good thing that they saw that happen because they probably really didn’t understand how badly my anxiety was until then and even my mom said the same thing. I mean they were ready to take me to the emergency room.

Sorry for writing a novel it’s hard because sometimes I think I’m just overthinking this and it’s my fault that I’m getting anxious and that I had a panic attack . I have this ping pong game in my head about stuff like this all the time. Maybe someone out there can relate I don’t know, but I’m happy to report.


**** I made some edits I didn’t get to the time limit quick enough and I don’t know how to delete a message. ***
 
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I made some edits I didn’t get to the time limit quick enough and I don’t know how to delete a message.
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Reading all these posts on here, gives me hope and a sense of community. I’m not great at this whole writing thing, not trying to use it as a crutch, but I tend to avoid reading and writing when I can, dyslexia is a bitch. Please be patient with my posts, I have a hard time putting into words what I’m trying to say, I do the best that I can. It’s something I struggle with every day. Thankfully I work in a field with numbers.

Some days I think what did I do to deserve the abuse I endured and having ADHD, dyslexia, PTSD, hypothyroidism and rosacea. The last three being diagnosed within a year of each other. I tell myself life could be worse and it can and then, like now I wanna throw myself a pity party. Some of y’all can relate I’m sure, I feel guilty for being upset That I have these diagnoses; when I know people have it worse. Anyone else have that feeling?

Ive been active on here a lot today, I’m happy to have found this place. Also, I haven’t been able to get an appointment with my therapist for a couple weeks cause she’s on vacation and/or it could be my ADHD hyperfixation. I don’t try to dissect which one it is anymore. It’s one of them and that’s enough for me or a mix of all three.

I do have a serious question. Even if it’s been a few years since you've cut all possible ties and haven’t spoken to your abusive ex. are you still scared they’re out there somewhere and they’re going to find you?
 
I do have a serious question. Even if it’s been a few years since you've cut all possible ties and haven’t spoken to your abusive ex. are you still scared they’re out there somewhere and they’re going to find you?
I don’t know about an abusive ex… but a decade after my abusive father died I was still having nightmares about him.
 
Welcome!

I hope you like it here. I’ve found a lot of support here over the last few years (even though I sometimes post variations of the same problem repeatedly, lol. People are patient with me.)

I hope you find this to be a supportive place. One thing that I actually like (love?) is that people will be honest, even though it can sometimes sting. This is why I sometimes don’t respond right away (or at all), as I am still trying to practice not being so reactive and just taking in what is said to me (just in case you think I’m ignoring you, I assure you I am not, as I do check my alerts and read responses). I’ve been on other sites (ahem the one with the “subs”) and I got banned for saying to someone that it sounds like they need extra support as 2X a week therapy wasn’t helping them enough so maybe they should look into a day program. The sub ban was for “giving medical advice” I kid you not. I don’t know how anyone gets any real help over there, lol. At least here it’s small enough that you can get to know people a bit and recognize user names.

Anyway, I hope you are able to find support here. Oh, and just remember to take what helps and ignore the rest. (I still try to take in things even if I initially think it’s bad advice, because sometimes I just have that reaction to advice that’s actually good.)
 
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