Relationship This Is The First Time He Made Me Cry

[journey31]

He's stationed on the other side of the country. I texted him telling him I missed him.
His response was why. I told him because I wanted to be near him. He didn't respond. So, I said I feel like it doesn't bother you.

He called. Asked "what doesn't bother me".
Told him the distance. He said "it doesn't. I've been deployed twice. I don't miss anyone. I'd just get depressed and sit and mope all day".
I told him I wasn't moping, I just wanted to see him. Then he told me he'd call me back.

Normally, I would avoid someone after a comment like this, until I felt I could talk clearly. Definitely the next day at least. With PTSD will that backfire?

He told me he missed me all the time while he was deployed. That was before we even met. I met him through a military support program. We met in person when he got home in January. We've been talking a year. Haven't seen him since April 3. We talk every day.

I love him. I don't want to lose him. He has talked about marriage. We've planned our future. He wants to adopt my daughter. I just don't know what to do or how to handle this.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

I wish I could help, or at least give you a hug.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Space can be a good thing. When they get in 'one of those moods' you can't reason or argue with them. In fact, being too attentive can irritate them and make it worse. If he said he'd call you back, I'd let him be the one who did the calling. Maybe he needs a few days to cool off and realize he hurt your feelings. Plus you need a few days to calm down... things can escalate quickly over something small and petty when the PTSD beast is showing it's @ss. It really takes learning a new way to communicate, and even disagree or handle arguments. I'm in that learning phase too, so I feel your pain Journey.

 

[journey31]

He did call back. At 6 am (3 his time). Then explained his entire schedule for the next day. On voicemail. I didn't answer. I really can't act like everything is fine. Ignoring him is immature.

I was thinking about sending him an email, telling him that he hurt me. I really don't understand how he doesn't miss me. Its like if he felt half of what I do for him, there'd be no way he couldn't.

 

[amethist]

Hi journey31

Not sure if the is accurate or not, but I am sure I read somewhere that those deployed sometimes shut of all those who they have left back home. this is because they are struggling to be out there as it is, and being reminded constantly who they have left behind, put them off the job they are out there to do.

It is as hard for them being out there as it is for those they have left behind. So this is just one way of how some of them cope with it .

 

[journey31]

He's home now though. I can understand shutting down during deployment, but he's home.
He showed more emotion while he was deployed then he does now.

When I flew to spend his leave at his moms, he called telling me he missed me and wanted me to come back before my connecting flight even left. I had a voicemail from him within an hour of me getting to the airport. Now he says it doesn't bother him. He's been drinking a lot lately too. That's not normal for him.

 

[amethist]

Sorry I miss read your post.

 

[journey31]

It's ok. He mentioned his deployments, but why keep the same when you're home? He could at least spare my feelings and say he misses me too. Sometimes he's too honest.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Sometimes PTSD doesn't make sense to us sufferers. And that just makes it all the more frustrating and confusing to try to explain it to the supporters. And you're there wondering and worrying and wondering again. He might need to isolate and he might need space. BUT he definitely can be a little more clear.

You might tell him outright that what he said hurt your feelings. It's ok for you to have boundaries. And I'd follow that up with some self care. He might not always be able to communicate or be considerate with his wording but that means you have to do what you need to take care of yourself. If he's struggling you can't fix it. But you can take care of your needs. That's so important.

Something to keep in mind is that bad behavior isn't always PTSD. Sometimes it has to do with symptoms and sometimes it doesn't. In either case you are your first priority. That doesn't mean you don't support him. It means you support you too.

 

[journey31]

I'm assuming it's PTSD because he said he purposely doesn't miss people so he doesn't get depressed. I do want to tell him he hurt me, but at the same time I don't even want to answer when he calls.

 

[journey31]

Doesn't really matter anymore. He just broke up with me. He said when we're together it feels like a family, but when we're apart it feels like we're just friends.

 

[nursenurse]

I'm sorry :(