This One’s For The Guys (but Gals Can Chime In Too) . . .

[DMerish]

Ok so I get slammed for saying this BUT you can't reverse MILLIONS of years of evolution!

I always love your simple summations, Solara! Yea, it's a dance. Trouble is I'm old; he's old (in our 60's). I think, as guys get older they tend to get a bit stogy in their ways/not want to try so hard. I mean, when you think about all the rejection they do g o through with women, it can get old and not too savory of a pastime. Trouble is, I've got the heart of a child, lots of spirit, and want to play - not play games that is, I just want to get into the sandbox with a buddy and have fun! Anyhoo, I'm not going to worry 'bout this. If he's cautious / wants to do the slow dance for a while, okay. He can make the next few moves, but I'm not waiting around for long.

@bell - Yea, I let a bit hang out because I'm direct, I was nervous, and I've forgotten the dance. I don't think this guy is playing "games" - He definitely was not "cool" - He did show a good bit of his hand, but I think, overall, he's just a more cautious/methodical type of person, probably nervous too, and also not being sure how to dance.

I could relate to "I acted just how I would want someone to act when they met and really liked me." I really get that. But you know what? That is what I think I want. In my reality, if someone did act that way, I'd wonder what was wrong with them (liking me so much, so quickly) and I'd run away real fast!!! :wideeyed:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I get the young at heart thing. It's HARD to find people like this. I'm in my 30's and it seems like I'm so far behind the curve, but it's not just that. Guys my age either have kids or want something too serious too soon.

I hate to put it in these terms, but yes, my PTSD has excluded the possibility of children. There is ONE sound that sends shocks of physical anxiety through my body and that is the shriek of a young child. How do I explain this to anyone without looking like a total arse? As bad as my mental anxiety is, it's the physical anxiety that has the power to keep me awake for days at a time. Sorry, needed to vent.

It isn't easy at any age. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up?

 

[DMerish]

@Solara - I think it's hard to find a favorable match in general. Those that do, especially folks with PTSD, are very fortunate.

I know what you mean about guys in their 30s either having or wanting children. As you might recall, I have three sons ranging from 30 to 40; all familiar with PTSD due to vocation, friends and family. The two eldest were interested in having their own children, and intent on making it a reality by their late 30s. The youngest (although he enjoys being around children when they're "good") doesn't want children - I think due to the shriek factor. He has a wonderful GF that doesn't want children either (don't know why/doesn't matter). My point is, people want/don't want children for a variety of reasons, and it doesn't have anything to do with being an arse. So, hun, let that one go . . .

 

[Britt.f7]

When I stopped looking, decided to just go on, I met the man I now spend my life with. There were no games, and no dance. It was what it was when we met and went out to dinner(in between jobs I might add). I had already been married once and there was enough game playing there.

Good for you getting out and giving it a chance! I'm not sure I would know what to do at this point. I guess I chose to just be myself on my last date, and he chose not to run.

 

[DMerish]

Well, not much response from the guys, eh? I guess that's typical. Besides, the one reply from Lost Pup (a male) was good and sensible, and I adopted his suggested attitude. And I'm even beginning to have a bit of fun with it. My only complaint is that it's a bit time consuming . . . On, well, it is what it is.

Appreciated your reply, Lost Pup, a lot ;) Thank you!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

That felt a bit condescending. Maybe just my perception, I don't know?

 

[DMerish]

@Solara - Which part?

 

[Dendrite]

I only just saw this, as I only browse the forums as I get a bit of time. Hope its working out for you. I'm sure there are plenty of guys here that just care for women and are keen to have a nice chat. :)

I found with my wife that just being friends initially was lovely. Over time, my wife and I just gradually got to know each other and became very close. I don't have a lot of close friends but two others are women and we have known each other for decades. They are just dear people and easy to chat to.

 

[GuiltyGhost]

“Love leaped out in front of us like a murderer in an alley leaping out of nowhere, and struck us both at once. As lightning strikes, as a Finnish knife strikes!”
― Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita

One never knows, although it does sound dangerous ;)

 

[Tinyflame]

Hee, well let''s just say 'murdering the selfish parts'. :) :laugh: