Thoughts On Going To A Hospital?

[Emiko]

Hello. I am new to these forums, so please forgive me if I am posting in the wrong place.

I have suffered with depression and schizophrenia for many years. My schizophrenia isn't extremely crippling, however I admit that my depression is.

I have a negative addiction to pain, and I feel as though any ability to cause pain to myself, whether accidental or not, should be prevented the best it can be, as well as me hurting others. I have suicidal thoughts daily, heck maybe even hourly, and it isn't simply "I want to kill myself." It's "I'm going to kill myself." I have prepared everything for it, and it scares me. I feel it's important that I go to a hospital, however I don't know how long I'll be staying there if I do get sent, or hardly anything about it. I have a appointment with my psychiatrist on Tuesday. Should I tell him I think I need to go? I'm afraid he will simply take me off my meds, but he's a good doctor to me, so who knows.

I can no longer care for myself, I have to be forced by my mother to do everything. If it weren't for her, I'd simply be in bed all day, every day. Which I'd prefer. But I cannot care for myself on my own, and I'm sure that's not good.

May anyone tell me what it's like, how's the best way to go, do you personally think I should, etc? Also I don't have a car so I can't exactly drive there myself. Any help would be appreciated, thank you!

 

[InsideAWord]

If you say anything about intending to harm yourself, you will be hospitalized.

 

[Promicarus]

My heart goes out to you.

It's so difficult to assess whether anyone should be hospitalized, though, often even when knowing the individual personally, much less anonymously on a forum.

I think the most significant point you mentioned is that you really feel as though you should be hospitalized, because you feel there's a very real and even likely possibility that you will commit suicide if you do not.

That says it all, to me. I hope you'll be honest with your doctor about exactly that.

It's also very difficult to give any predictions regarding what hospitalization will be like. The vary so widely from one facility to another...and different statefs have different laws regarding hospitalizations, as well as regulations which determine conditions.

If I were you, I would use what energy you have to look into what hospital you'd likely to be entering, as well as other available facilities, and even whether you might have your choice of them. Try to plan ahead. I know that's difficult when you're depressed. But I'd honestly have to tell you that it's better than just going in blind.

But if you do feel as urgently as you seem to, that you are an immediate danger to yourself, and in danger of committing suicide--
then it doesn't matter in the least what kind of hospital it is, or what it's going to be like. You should be hospitalized if you have real reason to suspect that you're in danger of committing suicide. Period.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad, and have been for such a long time. But there is hope. Please remember that. Many do not only improve dramatically even after receiving diagnoses such as yours, and being as severely affected for an extended period...and go on to later to lead fulfilling and productive lives. It might be hard to imagine now, but it's true. I've lived in that place, myself, and can testify to just that.

Please care for yourself, and remember there are others here, and elsewhere, who care for you

 

[Lionheart]

My experience with hospitalization for suicidal feelings is that I spent 72 hours in the hospital one time and 10 days another time, so it is difficult to predict the length of a stay. However, I did get a chance to rest, to have my medications adjusted, and time to think about what was making me feel so bad.

I found out that I didn't really want to die, I just wanted my emotional pain to stop. During group therapy and individual therapy, I discovered how I could release myself from those unhappy feelings and it worked out well.

I believe that if you are seriously contemplating harming yourself in any manner that it is best to call an ambulance and let them take you to the hospital for what I like to think of as a "mini-vacation". You can work on helping yourself out of your depression and get some rest as well. My doctor added Abilify which has really been very helpful for my depression and I no longer have suicidal feelings.

Also I want to add that I have a younger brother that struggles with schizophrenia and if he was feeling suicidal I would want for him to go to the hospital for medication management and to keep himself safe from harm. So, this is what I recommend for you as well.

Please keep us updated as to your progress and please don't harm yourself...you deserve a chance to be happy and healthy!!!

Sincerely,
Lionheart777

 

[Deleted member 1860]

If you say anything about intending to harm yourself, you will be hospitalized.

It's not so cut and dry so please don't make blanket statements to scare people, thus preventing them from reaching out for help.

If you say you want to hurt yourself or kill yourself and intend to act on it, then you should go to the hospital and a therapist or psychiatrist is legally responsible if they don't act to keep you safe.

However, if one can sign a safety contract and agree to stay safe in the midst of self harm thoughts, a therapist won't automatically commit you. (I've made this promise a number of times.)

It sounds like it is hospitalization time for you if you are to the point of knowing you will hurt yourself. Your doctor won't just stop your meds and send you on your merry way if you tell him what you told us. (Well, at least he shouldn't...)

I urge you to go inpatient. Are you aware of any trauma units in your area?

 

[Promicarus]

@[DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/solara.1860/"]Solara[/DLMURL]

Your doctor won't just stop your meds and send you on your merry way if you tell him what you told us. (Well, at least he shouldn't...)

Very good point. And one I was remiss in not addressing, myself, in my previous post. Just to second Solara's point--There's absolutely no reason to expect that your Dr. would stop your meds as a result of your telling him you are actively suicidal, with a plan to carry it out, and imminent fear that you will do so. To do so would be an actionable professional malfeasance--formal malpractice. And if your Dr. did so (1 in a million chance), you'd be well rid of him/her, anyway. So that should be right out, as a concern, my opinion.

However, if one can sign a safety contract and agree to stay safe in the midst of self harm thoughts, a therapist won't automatically commit you. (I've made this promise a number of times.)

I agree. While I've never signed one, I'm familiar with the safety-contract-as-accepted-protocol.

Hopefully you have improved since your post, or will improve...but it sounded to me as though you were at that time regularly frightened that you would act to suicide even though you were consciously aware of it as contrary to your own best interests.

I believe this is an important distinction...as such implies lack of the necessary control upon which such a safety contract is by its nature reliant.

If your feelings have not changed from the time of your post, I hope you will be honest as honest about them with your Dr. as you have been here, and that you will do so urgently.

 

[InsideAWord]

It's not so cut and dry so please don't make blanket statements to scare people, thus preventing them from reaching out for help.

Sorry, but this is what I was always told in my therapy sessions. I'm not trying "to scare" people. Why the hell would I do that to other sufferers? I was repeating what has been told to me countless times, especially since OP's original concern is that the psych would simply ignore her request to seek hospitalization and take her off the meds. I was actually trying to reassure her that if she told the psych about her active suicidal thoughts, then she would most likely find the hospitalization that she's looking for... not "to scare" her.

 

[Promicarus]

I get your point. I don't think you were telling her that "to" scare her.

I think we might be getting innocently bunched up in a question of semantics

Unless I miss my guess, Solara may have instead intended to write "statements WHICH scare people"...rather than "TO scare people"

I don't know, of course. But I doubt many would have thought that your intention was to actually scare people. Just a thought.

 

[cherryblossom]

Should I tell him I think I need to go?

Absolutely. You really need to speak to your Doctor about how you are feeling. I disagree with InsideAWord, I don't think you would automatically be hospitalised. As Solara has pointed out, there are other ways, that might be more suitable. I don't know where you live, but there will be different guidelines and treatment options depending where in the world you live.

Talk to your Doctor, tell him how you are feeling, and your concerns. Ask him about hospitalisation, and what it would involve. I'm sure between you, you will come up with a treatment plan that is right for you. I can see no reason for him to stop your medications abruptly, because this would likely cause you to be more unstable. You have said he is a good doctor to you, let him help you by telling him exactly how life is for you.

I'm sure there are other threads on the forum about hospitalisation - try a search for them - it might give you more idea what to expect, and how the process works.

 

[InsideAWord]

Sorry for any confusion. I've never been hospitalized (knock I wood) and it's something that I, personally, want to avoid. I was always under the impression, ever since I started therapy, that if you make a mention of one of the three hurts, then you will be hospitalized. I didn't mean to be abrasive or make a blanket statement -- I'm sorry. Maybe it's because I was in such bad shape after my trauma that that was just the case for me.

Either way, good luck, emiko.

 

[cherryblossom]

if you make a mention of one of the three hurts, then you will be hospitalized

I'm just curious now, what is 'one of the three hurts'?

 

[InsideAWord]

The three hurts
1.) If you plan to hurt yourself
2.) If someone is hurting you
3.) If you plan to hurt someone else.