Through The Mud And Toward The Sun, The Lotus Blossoms

[KwanYingirl]

 

[KwanYingirl]

Spent a good deal of time watching and rewatching Tara Brach Learning to respond not react. In a nutshell 1) please don't believe my thoughts 2) please let me just come into presence 3) please let me love.

Then I decided to research her demonstration of the limbic system and prefrontal cortex. Well, it is quite the revelation. The amygdala mediates emotion, the prefrontal cortex mediates a return to baseline when amygdala goes off. When we are stuck in a loop of heightened emotions as in reliving trauma, the prefrontal cortex doesn't come to the rescue UNLESS it is deconditioned. That's where MINDFULNESS practice saves the day. If I can just pause even 5 seconds but a minute and five seconds would be best, then I can prevent myself from flipping out. There is a ton of research on this. I thought about posting an article but choose to hide in my diary instead.

Reflecting on last weeks Shaman session. I was more relaxed and it was very mindblowing. She takes me to lower world to check in on my soul and the four year old. She is very happy being with the Indigenous folk. Shaman approached her. She was shy and didn't talk. I was sitting with wolf staring straight ahead. I do not want to see her. The Shaman explains that she asked her if I am her and she said yes. The child came to me and sat and held my hand. She was so small. I am crying because she is just a child and I abandoned her. She asked Shaman if she could go and she said yes.

Then suddenly the Shaman said a ten year old girl is coming towards us with fairies. I see her but don't know who she is. She talked to the Shaman. She is not very friendly and just wants to go live with the fairies. The Shaman said that's fine. Then she brought me back.

She has not retrieved parts of a traumatized person such as me. She feels honored that I am trusting her. I saw her at my office tonight and reported that I feel melancholy. That is common when the soul is being pieced back together. What is important for me to understand is that there may be more children down there. My souls was fragmented. There may be a child assiciated with each piece. She will have to find the missing children, and what I have to understand is that they are safe and, for now, where they are content.

What if they won't return to me? I've known that they were all split off from me, and I always assumed it was me that sent them away. My Shaman says they left to survive. This is going to take time. I am finally ready to integrate however I am afraid they won't come back. Melancholy.

Last night I journeyed before bedtime. I have slept through the night since last weeks session and I've had no nightmares. Last night I just wanted to find the four year old but I fell asleep. Lower world is so peaceful. There is nothing to fear here. If a mountain lion shows up-no problem-he's just there to help. All the animal spirits work together. I think I'll take Annie with me the next time I journey.

Well. Work is busy. I decided to raise my prices. I won't charge my young clients more if they're in school or college. I need to get a personal trainer. I need to workout but ack! I can't get motivated. Plus, my health insurance changed and my copays are a lot higher than they used to be.
Namaste

 

[shimmerz]

I find it really interesting reading about your journeying, KYG. It is fascinating, isn't it? I have many experiences of getting to my young self and didn't feel melancholy so much as an awe at the things these split off children did to survive. It took some time before I could recognize them as 'me'. Enjoy your journeying and please let us know as you feel comfortable, how these experiences come to you.

I wish I had thought to diary at the time. :hug:

 

[KwanYingirl]

Too tired to journey tonight

 

[KwanYingirl]

Ordered three pairs of Merrell sandals from Zappos. I have an addiction to shoes. Seriously, if I find a shoe that is comfortable, I buy it in several colors. Merrell makes really comfy sandals -and now that it's April, it's time to wear them. I try to go as long as possible without wearing socks. I've had a phobia about getting a pedicure because I don't trust that the instruments are sanitized to my standards. One of my clients told me there's a great place in Portland so I'm going to give it a try. My heels are so dry and cracked every winter.

Melancholy is less today. I was busy at work and got to do a small surgery which is always interesting. I'm going to read about the Palladians that my Shaman called on to stitch together my soul. Apparently, they are thought by some to be the source of the way in which the pyramids were built.

 

[shimmerz]

My heels are so dry and cracked every winter.

Try apple cider vinegar spritz with a coconut oil rub after the ACV dries. Then socks. Works wonders on my feet!

I'm going to read about the Palladians that my Shaman called on to stitch together my soul

It's really interesting (or I find it to be) how different groups have different 'guides' that they call upon. Mine used totem animals and guardian angels. I have also heard of those who believe in higher beings such as the Palladians being involved. I tell you, 10 years ago I would have laughed had anyone had a crystal ball and told me that I would be journeying with a Shaman or calling on my power animals.

Nice that your melancholy is retreating into the background.

 

[seedling]

10 years ago I would have laughed

Yeah, maybe me too :) Now that I've had to do whatever it takes to heal, the possibilities are limitless. Been to the other side and back!

 

[shimmerz]

:meh: Just another day....in paradise. :cool:

 

[KwanYingirl]

I went to Portland to see a local musician. She was performing for a small group at the studio of a violin maker. She's super creative and uses electronic loops and percussion to add depth to her songs. She plays her violin like a guitar and switches back and forth between that and using her bow.

At the end of April my daughter closes on her first house. I'll be spending my days off helping her getting off wallpaper and then painting. She wants me to landscape the house which is an honor that she asked. It's a quaint New England cape and it screams for lilacs and hydrangeas and peonys. It will be a lot of work. It's a good distraction.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have a huge problem with intrusive memories. They pass through my mind/body at random times. I have tried to think of a trigger when it happens, but seriously, they just pop into my mind. I try to keep my mind occupied or numbed in hopes of avoiding them. They drive me nuts.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

A flower for you @KwanYingirl. Your shamanic journey is wonderful. Wolf is one of my friends and helpers.

Link Removed

 

[KwanYingirl]

So pretty @Changeling is it a lotus? Looks to be.