Tie A Knot

[Zanuz]

I have been cut off by my sufferer, a friend. And tonight I am SO fed up with ptsd. Does ptsd make you SUCK as a human? Seriously. My 21 yr old stepson was MURDERED last night, shot and killed. And my sufferer is so cold she won't even acknowledge my text message.

My sufferer is one who isolates for LONG LONG periods during times of great change and stress (like months or years even), but my God, how hard is a hug symbol, a sad face, anything that acknowledges my loss?! Is it really that hard to break your silence? To overcome whatever caused you to isolate for just two seconds to acknowledge someone's tragedy? Can't you be Christian and have ptsd?

 

[Zanuz]

Oh yes and the reference is tie a knot and hang on. I promised I would not give up on her but I am about at my limit of being ignored and putting up with someone never there for me at all. I know she is in crisis but I only wanted to be acknowledged at all.

 

[Jagama]

I can understand and respect that you are very upset and angry, because of what has happened so very recently, and I'm sorry that this has happened.

If you have gone your whole life being told that you've said the wrong thing, and you have been told that saying the wrong thing is the reason you deserve to be abused, then yes, breaking silence can be that hard. It can be even harder when you love somebody and you know that they need you to say the 'right thing', and you don't believe that you are capable of doing that.

If somebody is in crises, then its as real as having a physical illness - its not put on, so it can't be switched off.

 

[Zanuz]

Thank you. I asked that this thread be removed. I was so upset, only hours after being told. And I really wasn't thinking that I might be a trigger for others. My sufferer does not have the issue you spoke of, her trauma does not stem from abuse. And in this particular instance I guess I understand somewhat. Even my cousin who does not have ptsd told me, when I initiated a FB conversation with her, that she had read but just didn't know what to say, it was so tragic and horrible. So if she can't, I guess my sufferer should get a pass on this one.

 

[Fohiw]

You don't know me, but I send my love to you and your family Zanuz.

 

[Ufi]

I dunno... I dunno. It isn't rocket science, what to say to someone under those conditions. "I'm so sorry... that's the worst ever. Is there anything I can do?" Or at the very least, "God how awful. Know I'm here for you."

I'm a sufferer. I'm ashamed to admit I've been lax at the exact wrong time too. Me, I was unable to get email or pm's from my own forum. And one of my members had cancer, wasn't doing well. Her daughter joined my board, got in touch with me. This went on for a couple of months and then I triggered and poofed for 2 weeks. To my utter horror, when I finally went and got my PMs, there were a bunch of frantic ones from the daughter. Her mom wanted to speak to me (first time ever,) her mom was fading fast. And the last PM? Her mom had passed. No one on the entire board even knew: that PM had sat in my inbox for 4 days. To think she needed me - I wasn't there - and now I'll never know why because she's gone.

Dang PTSD. I feel so very awful about that, yet I'm fully aware it will likely happen again (the poofing, that is.)

Your sufferer is a different story though. She knew about your loss and didn't respond - I can't get past that, myself. I admit I know diddley about PTSD, although I did research it. Best article I've ever read is the one by the site owner here. If you haven't read it, you should. It's in the Articles section (she says from her vast 24 hour knowledge of this site.)

I am so, so very sorry for your loss. What a godawful shock that had to have been... I can't even begin to imagine. ((((you)))) Sufferer or no, in my not very well educated on PTSD opinion, you need to take care of yourself right now. If you're not being supported by someone, call a friend, family member - or be smart and post here. I bet a bunch will support you. I sure do - even though I'm more useless that the proverbial tits on a bull.

 

[Isek]

So sorry for your loss. What a shock. I don't believe that even in my worst moments of crisis I was that bad that I couldn't acknowledge someone elses suffering, but I'm not your friend so I don't know what they are going through really, or how bad it is for them...but still...I can totally understand your reaction to their total lack of heart here.

 

[Mulusa]

Not always possible to reposed to others no matter how much they need your support. On my hard days, I can barely cope with my own stuff, I really really CANNOT cope with anyone else's - it's not personal, and it's not even selfish - it is just what it is. And if I want to get better, I always have to put myself first, hard or cold as it might seem to another person.

First rule in an airplane emergency, put your own oxygen mask on first.

It might also be that haring of your tragic situation may have severely triggered her and she is unable to respond, as she is in her own crisis. Again, not personal, NOT about you, and not 'selfish' - just merely the reaction of someone traumatized already.

I hope you got the support you needed at the time and now - it's an awful thing that happened to you (murder of your step son).

 

[Zanuz]

Thank you all for the support. And I never told my sufferer any circumstances about my stepson's death, only that he died suddenly. But I am pretty certain that someone else did. And very angry that it was beyond my control. And that this person knew enough about her past that they should have known better than tell her stuff like that.