Tired Of Feeling Depressed

[aka]

So the PTSD on top of the regular depression is overwhelming. I am at the point where I don't want to do anything. If I'm home, I want to be out. If I'm out, I want to be home. I am just so miserable in every moment that I always want to be doing the opposite of what I am doing.

I know exactly what you mean I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder along with PTSD and I get the same way. I sometimes get so tired of fighting the depression that I want to give up and do nothing because it seems like an never ending fight I will never win.

I'm having some suicidal thoughts, but nothing that I intend to act on. Just what pops into my mind when things seem this hopeless.

Yep do the same thing on very low days. I really don't consider acting on the idea it's just there in my mind like an never ending floating option that pops into my brain every now and then. The thoughts that really scares me sometimes is when I start thinking of things I have to live for and the reasons are always for other people and not for myself. Not sure if this is normal or not but I find it disturbing just the same.

 

[pandora]

Feeling the same way, even though my life has taken a turn for the better, I am loved and supported but I am tired, lethargic and apathetic...I cannot wait for christmas to be over!

 

[Shellbell]

I feel exactly the same as well. Tired of fighting depression, tired of fighting anxiety, tired of trying to find energy and positivity for everyone else. Tired of saying it's okay, it will get better and knowing it probably won't. Sick of having a head full of memories of abuse, pain and hurt. Constant never ending struggle that I'm not sure I can keep fighting much more.

 

[golden_flower]

I couldn't agree more. I just feel like I don't know what my body/mind needs. I go from one feeling to the next in seconds happy-sad, sickness-hungry, alert-completely exhausted, good day-suicidal. It's like a never ending rollercoaster ride everyday.

I'm so fed up with it. I have come to realise that I'm a good faker with big smiles all day and it's just killing me inside. It must be why I much prefer to be on my own, so I don't have to FAKE being ok, whatever that is....

 

[71nothing]

I have come to realise that I'm a good faker big smiles all day and it's just killing me inside, must be why I much prefer to be on my own so I don't have to FAKE being ok, whatever that is....

You put my thoughts into words and it is exhausting!

 

[Sara1999]

I have come to realise that I'm a good faker with big smiles all day and it's just killing me inside. It must be why I much prefer to be on my own, so I don't have to FAKE being ok, whatever that is....

I agree. I put on the fake smile and act like everything is ok. With strangers/acquaintences, it is because I feel like it is none of their business, and I don't want them to think they need to help. With family/close friends, it is because they worry about me enough and I feel bad making them stress out even more. Lately, I have not been able to hide it so well. Even people I see only occasionally ask me if I am ok or tell me that I look terrible (in a much nicer way than it sounds). But I still aim for the fake smile. It is easier that way.

 

[Changing4Best]

I've been physically sick with Lyme Disease since 1985 (from tick bites, a bacterial infection, that because it went undiagnosed for so long is incurable). It causes depression and mood swings, but I also have Bi-Polar, so I have a double whammie! I more often stay in the higher ranges of the Bi-Polar, maybe from some medicine they give me, but anyway, I am not feeling well recently due to a sinus infection on top of all this.

My neighbors, both smokers, died from this sinus infection that tured into pneumonia [sp?] during the last month. The wife was my age (mid to late 50s) and the husband was maybe 5-10 yrs older. One other lady down the hall had it too, but she has COPD, so it is not surprising that she ended up in the hospital with it. None the less, adding to my depression, feel like doing nothing, tired beyond belief feeling, I am a bit shook up by all this! I guess understandably so. At least I am not a smoker, thank God! So you could say the odds are in my favor, as the other 3 were or are in the case of the survivor, even though she has the COPD.

Anyone have any suggestions on what might pick me up a bit and help me to feel better and more like ME? It is cold out, winter here, so going out for walks, my usual way during other seasons, if kind of out, unless it is a warmer day.

 

[dms]

I'm depressed too. I take Wellbutin in the am, Prozac at night and Xanax as needed. I smile and try to look great in public because I'm a big faker too. I overeat and over spend to fill the empty voids in my life. I use to travel a lot but I can't afford it now and (couldn't really afford it then, but I had a husband a few yrs. ago) I'm bored with it. I tend to fall in love with unavailable men or end up with men who want to take care of me, that I don't love. I have a co-dependent personality. That's probably why I got attached to a man with PTSD. I thought I could love him through it haha..

 

[Changing4Best]

I take Geodon, also oxcarbazepine and a lot of other meds for my various physical ills. Some of my other meds may be psych meds too, I am not sure. My psychiatrist prescribes gabapentin, but I think that is for my numbness/nerve pain or at least that is what the first dr. that prescribed it for gave it to me for. The pain and numbness are from the Lyme Disease I have.

THankfully I have a dog, she is for my PTSD and I have a prescription for her and she is registered as a Service dog too, so she goes EVERYWHERE with me. THe only place they don't allow her is in the hospital and ambulences.

 

[KatB]

It's kinda raw.. even though I've had PTSD most of my life.. the diagnosis is new and the therapy for it is too. In this moment I feel emotionally exhausted and frustrated.

Hey, I get what you are saying, 100%. I've been feeling that way for a very longggggggg time. It's gonna take a while for us to get better in controlling our ptsd. I understand.

 

[Fia]

Everything you all said fits in on how I sometimes feels. But much less, touch wood since EMDR and starting to practice meditation. Had a bad day today and meditated for hours, It takes time for me to switch of but its worth it and to be in a place with no thoughts at all is so incredible nice as depression is so much about thoughts that just spins around and around and around. When I'm like that I play a lot with the idea of killing myself as I find it very soothing to know that there is always a way out. Sometimes these thoughts will break the mood and I will feel better. My ptsd affects my hormones which affects my moods so its mostly connected to my periods, which doesn't make it any better as it used to be over 2 weeks every month but at least I would know in the back of my head that it would end, at least for a while.

I'm so relived its not like that any more.

Hang in there. It WILL pass.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am sick of being depressed and choking on it. I have started a daily gratitude list. I want to be more positive. I want to accept that I have to live with this rollercoaster called ptsd. I want to move on with what is left with my life. I am so weary of grieving over the wasted years. I want to enjoy what I can now. I know I need help and I cannot do this alone, but I want to start living no matter how crappy I feel.