Tired Of The Journey

[Deleted member 5760]

Tessa,

The best thank you that you can ever give me is getting through the day - which you did x

 

[Tessa]

Today I feel exhausted from crying. My staff found out about my daughter who is missing and surrounded me with support. I just hope I don't get the dreaded phonecall from police.

 

[curiouser]

Tessa, sending prayers, good vibes, and ((hugs)) out to you, I hope everything turns out ok with your daughter.

 

[Tessa]

Anger has given way to depression and pain. All my muscles are sore and I feel the ugly grey swirls of depession curling..encompasing.

At least my daughter has been found...riding around in a road train full of cattle.Maybe she is really a "country girl". I will now have to deal with the fallout of her quitting her course and vacating our unit.

The constant pain is making me cry and I don't want to be a sook...

 

[Tessa]

The depression and suicidal thoughts are easing a bit so I guess I'm on the way up again. I am so thankful for the support and care I received here. It pulled me through a bad patch.

This morning I can focus on work and helping to save a baby with pneumonia. It is a good feeling to see them improve with treatment.

 

[MizzASG]

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better and back to work!

*high five*

 

[Tessa]

The roller coaster plunges..down and down. I feel so unsafe.Whenever I try to establish boundaries they are challenged. I wish I had not been bullied all my life..it is so hard to break the cycle.

 

[Tessa]

Still having a tough time. Talked to my psychologist about the rough bits. I will stop seeing him as insurance money has run out and I am tired of the battles with red tape.

Both my sons did not help my struggles on the week-end. They are usually so helpful. I was having svere panic attacks and tried to explain but I was told it was too much information. The other son had a few rums and when we talked about avnniversaries of trauma he told me over and over that it was ridiculous. I went to bed traumatized and crying and the word ridiculous went round and round in my head until I contemplated climbing the windmill and hanging.

 

[Artista]

So hard. I can understand the isolation can be all around us. The incapability to understand from others we love really intensifies that feeling. I am pulling for you! It is not easy. Is there no one in your circle near you who could empathize. Your sons must not be able to feel they can help at times and makes it tough to listen. You may need a friend/support person to be able to look you in the eyes and just be there without judgement. It isn't up to us to convince others... only ourselves. Be strong in self, but I do hope you can find a person to help support you. Especially if you can't see your therapist. Is there any community group that handles this near you? I don't know your resource possibilities or how limited you may be. It does seem like a mountain of rocks we are under. Hope the light keeps glimmering to reach for. Find the smallest of joys and keep looking for good.... that's my wish for you. You sound incredibly brave. You have an incredible job helping those who can't help themselves and it seems you find some strength and hope in this gift you give!

Thank goodness for this site. Makes the lack of understanding in daily life bearable in the strengths we see/find here and the hope of how others have survived and keep on!

Take care please. Some days it is best to climb out of ourselves and get a more peaceful view. If I find out exactly how to do this... I'll let you all in on it! I'm looking too for a way out!

 

[Tessa]

Thankyou Artista for your kind words and insights..I did appreciate them. I had a talk to one of my sons and we agreed that this site gives the best support as we talk to others who can understand where we are at.

I have been preoccupied wth physical pain. We were mustering on the week-end and a big cow charged me and trod on my foot breaking 2 bones. Now I am mastering crutches and trying to accept help from others..which I find hard to do.

Hugs
Tessa

 

[a3a2]

Oh, Tessa, sending you hugs and praying for you. Perhaps it is time for you to consider a serious break. Your suicide would benefit no one and would further traumatize an already traumatized area. Do whatever it takes to get help, Tessa. For you. For those you love and serve. Even Jesus took time to get away.

 

[Tessa]

So very tired of the journey right now....numb inside. My reading for today reminded me that sorrow lasts for a night but joy comes in the morning if we endure.