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Tired Of The Journey

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Panic attacks,suicidal thoughts,nightmares and flashbacks as well as stomach upsets...not much fun. I stayed with my son for a week however I felt like a displaced person.
 
Tessa - you're a mother to so many 'stolen children'...

I hope you get that - and know you are a hero in my eyes.

x
 
I'm just gonna elaborate a little bit on this for you Tessa (and this is FOR TESSA). Most people in Australia - they don't understand. They dont know that there are Aboriginals stuck out there living in pretty much 3rd world conditions. With life expectancies that are so short in a modern country it's rather insulting. They don't know. They'll never know without people like you out there fighting the real fight. Sorry if I'm getting empassioned, but yes, it pisses me off. It pisses me off that people don't know. There is a lot of meaning behind the words 'I'm sorry'. I admire you.
 
Living out of a suitcase even in a family member's home will do that. One more thing to knock one out of whatever comfort zone was managed with at least our own home and bed.

I hope it was at least peaceful for you in some way. Continued prayers for you, Tessa.
 
Superjen,thankyou for your thoughts which are,indeed,correct. It is this constant fight for justice and equality working beside these people which leads to my bullying. We have Aboriginal health workers who are well trained and skilled however they are never considered as worthwhile respected members of my health team. Too often we are governed by managers who are European authoratarian focused and can't understand the cultural differences.
My lawyer has asked me to copile a timeline and evidence of the bullying and it has taken days of pain and sick shock to compile...a form of exposure therapy I suppose.
 
All I can say is - I wish I was the judge for your case. Because I would absolutely rule in your favour. But win, lose - can't say. All I can say is I really really admire you. Can't even put into words how brave I think you are.
 
I have been feeling better. No more suicidal thoughts and tapering off with the crisis line psychologist. I have worked through the past trauma of bullying and filed it all in order in a box.
However today I crashed and am feeling worthless again. My daughter has had a threatened miscarriage and I think it is the trigger of having 3 months of the same when I was having her. I feel so shut out by my children.
 
I don't know why our heads do the whole worthless thing in such a knee jerk fashion. It's always when we can least afford to feel that way. I hope you at least are able to objectively see some of your value through the eyes of those you care for, like they see you. I know we can't accept that as us, since of course there's nothing good anywhere. I know. I'm not a great one to speak since have a pretty warped image I do not look at myself. You do have actual people who no doubt see you very clearly. People there you helped because you see them as worthy of it virtue of being alive on the planet. Which they of course are. How many step up and do what you do? I don't think I COULD, with the best intentions in the world. The image we have of ourselves is awful, that's all. I just hope maybe the worthless label you've internalized can be budged a bit. It isn't real.

Sorry so long. You tend to not post long entries so did not mean to, either, but oh my, 'worthless' is not something which could be connected with you. I know telling your head that is a whole different subject.

Still praying for your daughter. I don't know what the dynamics are with your family, since feel shut out, so will say a prayer for peace there, also.
 
I am feeling strong again and want to return to work however they are blocking me.How I wish I could make them walk in PTSD shoes and see that we are worthwhile human beings with talenta and compassion and who deserve support as we survive our traumas.
 
Our people will continue to die in despair alone and unheard. If we lose our care in our professions our work wil become cold and heartless. Despite my difficulties I am determined to not lose care....
 
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