Tired Of The Journey

[Tinyflame]

Oh Dear Tessa, not really words of help for you but (((((Tessa))))), in my heart. :(

 

[Lionheart]

It makes me feel like ending all the misery.

Tessa,
I can relate to your post about wanting to end the misery. I used to pray to die and then cut on myself, abandon myself to the trauma etc. What I didn't realize at that time was, that I didn't really want to die, I just wanted the pain to end and eventually it did. I hope you will find this to be true for you as well. I don't know if you believe in prayer but I would like to include you in my thoughts and prayers and I humbly offer you my support.

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((Tessa)))))

I know NO human 'worth' is nor should be measured by how one handles shopping. Stressful, frustrating, full of hurried stressed people....there are few who truly enjoy that but the rest find it as we do.

You are not alone. You have worth just as you are. You have many who look up to you, and would be traumatized by your loss.

May you find and give yourself comfort today. Radical self-care time when in crisis, but you know this...you've been here before.

Much wishes for relief and a break in the clouds...

 

[Tessa]

Thankyou for your thoughts and prayers. Work health court and anti discrimination hearings coming up in next few weeks as well as caring for my daughter. Major panic attack again today.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Tessa, Bloom and Lionheart are right, rest when you can, prayers, radical self-care, breathing, break it into smaller parts.
You'll get through this.
((((Tessa))))

 

[anni]

Oh, but Tessa, even pre-PTSD I felt the same way about the crowded, manic cities. It doesn't seem to me one can kick oneself for being either the type who thrives there or just plain cannot deal with the entire frantic ball of chaos. I hate it more now, with the PTSD but don't think you can kick yourself for just wishing yourself back in your quiet home.Doesn't mean you're broken and requiring judging, that's all. I'm not sure even God envisioned all that concrete and noise.

I hope you do have a chance to breathe and feel some peace before the court things come up. You know we're praying with you.

God Bless,

Anni

 

[Tessa]

Thankyou for your prayers. We have a small but healthy grandson and my daughter pulled through surgey. We are all so grateful for this tiny miracle.

 

[anni]

Oh my. I am so very happy for you all, and feel humbled by your little miracle across the world there. The news made me cry this morning- welcome kind of good tears Tessa. God Bless you all and thank you SO much for sharing your news.

Do take care- much joy to you.

 

[Tessa]

Still struggling with suicidal thoughts and the nightmares are back. One step after another towards the light.

 

[Tessa]

Sooo.. tired of the journey right now. Had a meltdown at work today and had to take a coffee break. Working cross-culturally can be really draining some days along with supporting students. I wish more people understood PTSD. I feel like an absolute loser. Think I need some care right now.

 

[Lucycat]

I am sorry that you are feeling like that.

It IS a long slow painful journey to recovery. But like with any journey you need a break now and again. Taking a coffee break is spot on. Recharge the batteries, refuel and be ready for the next leg.

It is very difficult to get people to understand PTSD, even those of us who have been diagnosed find it so hard to understand. But you are not a loser. You have strength and you can do this.

take care
Lucy x

 

[Tessa]

Today I quietly told a worker he could not have his child at work with him. He erupted into a rage which left me shaken. The flashbacks of my head getting punched in are going through my mind like a broken movie. I had to finish work however now I am shaking and crying a little. Will I always be abused wherever I go....so tired of the journey.