Tired Of The Journey

[anni]

I'm sorry Tessa. Maybe the neurological system always will be punched in the head, I don't know. I'm finding myself resenting this exact thing at the moment because those who do that-use their rage this way-really are using it for that purpose. My BIL is fully aware that others are intimidated by his size and temper-will erupt to serve his purposes. The only thing I can say is that after awhile it feels like as shaken and frightened as one becomes you also start to get just plain angry at being so intruded on by these people. I don't know why it's helpful, so far it just has been, that's all.Like you said- get awfully tired of it.

Much hugs, Tessa,

Anni

 

[Tinyflame]

(((((Tessa, anni))))

 

[Tessa]

A doctor wrote in my notes just after going through the floods "Needs deeper insight and strategies into how she can deal with the challenges of life without them throwing her" and needs to learn the art of staying calm and focused in times of stress". Am I not the little woman who stood stong for all my family including my husband through major periods of loss,knocked around by the winds and the rain of the storms however kept going. Am I not the nurse who has 15 minutes notice after mental health discrimination ,to get back to work and spend hours in a small boat trying to drag disabled old ladies off flooded verandahs to safety. was I not the last person standing surrounded by floodwaters making sure everyone was safe. Am I not the person who has coped with countless emergencies and remained calm to save a life. I hurt so much. I really don't get all this stuff. It seems to me again that if you are trying to cope with trauma you are always the person at fault who needs to change.
I drea m of drifting up into the heavens to a Heavenly Father who has unconditional love and just resting safe and not judged in His arms...
My tears are blurring the computer...be careful not to cry or you may be judged...

 

[Tinyflame]

((((((Tessa ))))) :(

 

[James B.]

My feeling is that even a brief bout of suicidal ideation can have a pretty big impact on my self esteem. At a certain point, maybe being humbled again is instructive. But know I tend to beat myself up for stuff like this, and think it is hard to fight off the unwanted negative self-evaluation, and pat myself on the back for reaching out. :)

 

[Tessa]

Lost hope of justice now. After trying for months to stand up against mental health discrimination..the bukkies won. Should I be surprised?? Somehow I had a faint hope in my heart which has now gone out. I made a choice to get up and try to face the world again however sometimes I am triggered and sometimes I fall. Perhaps I can lie on the ground and look up at the stars to guide me from where I have fallen.

 

[Tessa]

Two attempted suicides on the week-end and last night one of my AHWs overdosed. The wordl is so full of pain and very few really care. We are now having an audit on cultural safety in the health dept so just maybe all my suffering caused some reform.

 

[Sazza]

Tess i just want to say i hear your pain, i read the previous post about doctors comments and thought how judgemental, its commetns and things like this that make me dislike professionals who are meant to help you so often judge. No we don't judge yeah right they all do it, anyone that says they don't are lying it makes me mad.

Anyway i am sorry you are suffering so much right now wanting it to end is not a nice place to be but one most of us find ourselves in when things get too much. You won't be judged around here, keep talking and keep sharing i know it must feel like why bother when you are feeling so bad but just reaching out can help lessens thoughts and distract us for a little while.

 

[Tessa]

I have been doing really well lately however feel myself slipping. Very tired and as it nears Christmas,the first in 5 years since the assault that I have taken an interest in,I feel the shadows threatening. My daughter has just broken up(again) and family are not getting on as well as we would like. It is the season of peace and joy,yet so much seems to get in the road.
Reach out and touch somebody's hand....make this world a better place...if you can...

 

[anni]

You always, always do Tessa. Make the world a better place, I mean. I read something the other day which sounds terribly unrealistic but it's true. About how the flutter of a butterflie's wings affect the aircurrent on the other side of the world, how the smallest thing has an effect elsewhere no matter how incremental. I realize that with all your fresh work coming in every day, the new worries also it must often feel as if things have been futile. They just are not and haven't been, bottom line. Allll the good you've done has set in motion more good, to whatever extent and will continue to do so. With your book out there now, every time someone reads it, more wings will be set fluttering, effecting even more change. That's a lot for one person to have acheived on the planet, so perhaps you can allow a gentle Christmas for yourself this year.

I don't mean to get all philosophical as usual. That whole butterflies wings thing just made an awful lot of sense, is the thing.

Hugs, Tessa, and thanks for all the work.

Anni

 

[Tessa]

A stressful week. We were very short staffed a few weeks ago and when we asked for help it was refused. After multiple night call outs of stabbings,suicide attempts and evacuating by air nearly every day and 2 deaths,we were trying to do more and more with less and less.

A visiting doctor decided to have a "learning experience" about one of the old ladies who died and was a friend and relative of the staff. The fact that the funeral was only on Friday was not respected.

It was also not culturally appropriate to discuss this woman like disecting a piece of meat and staff were upset. I kicked myself for crying.

Now one of my Aboriginal staff has just overdosed on her medication as the stress became too much and I shudder to think how absolutlely disrespectful the process has been. When will we ever learn to be sensitive between cultures??

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((Tessa))))))))

Wishing people were afforded basic human respect

:<