To Date Or Not To Date?

[Deleted member 541]

@Faeriefire I do believe that it's possible for someone to fall in love very soon after a relationship starts. So he may very well be telling you the truth. Other people need to have a longer time, building a friendship, letting things evolve to something more.

When you say that you didn't "feel the love". Exactly what is it that you feel, or in these cases didn't feel? Just curious.

 

[Pixielicious]

I think you should be focusing on healing and not on dating.

Also, predators don't care if they...

My priority is of course my healing.
But I do think it's unfair to judge a man just because of the job he does.
I know he would never harm me. He doesn't have a criminal record of any kind. Here in the UK we have what's called Claires law' for victims of dv. It gives individuals the right to ask police about a partner's past, the first guy nada convictions, the second guy had speeding offences.

 

[Pixielicious]

@Faeriefire I do believe that it's possible for someone to fall in love very soon af...

I agree with you, I really believe he genuinely loves me.
When I wrote 'I didn't feel the love' I was talking about myself.
I feel guilty for not being able to have the same feelings he has for me. And I don't want to hurt him in any way at all.
I told him all this last night, and he kept saying what he's been saying ever since I dumped him. "I understand etc etc"
I told him that I don't believe I'll ever change my mind, and I can't help it that I am not in love him, again his response was "I love you, yada yada"
I don't feel like he's really listening to me, but is so in love with me that he's in some kind of a dream world thinking that if he hangs around long enough, I'll eventually fall in love with him. I just know it'll never happen. :sorry:

 

[Casey_03]

I don't think anyone is judging him. My point was just that it seems like a red flag for an authority figure working with vulnerable people to be professing love to one of those vulnerable people. Especially after only 6 weeks. If he's an advocate, it seems like it should be obvious to him that that's kinda dangerous territory.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Faeriefire just throwing things out there and not trying to convince you otherwise. Why do you feel that you will never feel otherwise???? Do you feel that you must "feel the love" right away in order for a relationship to work????

 

[Pixielicious]

I

I don't think anyone is judging him. My point was just that it seems like a red flag for an authority...

I do think you are judging him.
Again, just because he's in a job of authority etc, it doesn't mean that he, or any other guy can't fall in love.
As for falling in love itself, it's ridiculous to put a time limit on when and how soon after dating you should or shouldn't say 'I love you'.
If you love somebody you tell them you love them. And the other way round, if you don't.

 

[Pixielicious]

@Faeriefire just throwing things out there and not trying to convince you otherwise....

Yes I do.
I'm a hopeless romantic, but I no longer am a fool, I guard my heart fiercely and have always believed that there is that 'special' someone, somewhere created just for me.
It's just the way I am :(

 

[EveHarrington]

My priority is of course my healing.
But I do think it's unfair to judge a man just because of the...

Did I say I was judging him just because of the job he does?

No.

I was pointing out that your response was a bit naive in that you think that just because he works with cops means he wouldn't put his job in jeopardy and therefore cannot be a predator.

 

[EveHarrington]

Conviction records don't mean everything.

A record that shows convictions means he's done wrong.

A record that shows no convictions doesn't mean he's never done anything wrong. It only means he's never been convicted. He could have friends on the inside. He could be really good at not getting caught. There could have been lack of evidence.

 

[Pixielicious]

Did I say I was judging him just because of the job he does?

No.

I was pointing out that your...

Again, here in the UK we have what's called Claires law, it allows dv victims to go to the police and check up on their partners criminal history, if, they have one. And this guy is clean. No convictions of any kind.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Faeriefire Ahhhhh. The hopeless romantic!! Well, I hope that you eventually find "Mr Right". Just don't pass up a few good frogs for the ever elusive prince in the meantime...... good luck with your search!!,

 

[Pixielicious]

Conviction records don't mean everything.

A record that shows convictions means he's done wrong...

To a point, I do agree with you on this.
But, being paranoid about every guy you meet isn't my cup of tea. And neither is it healthy. Everybody is different and not all men are bad and evil.
Perhaps, I am too trusting, a bit naive but if I started to become paranoid about all the male population in this world I'd go crazy!!
Not all men abuse women.