EveHarrington
VIP Member
Ok can you re-read what I said?
You're not understanding it at all.
In your mind, do all bad people and predators have convictions?
(I hate to shatter this notion, but in reality most predators don't have records.)
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To Date Or Not To Date?
- Post starter Pixielicious
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Ok can you re-read what I said?
You're not understanding it at all.
In your mind, do all bad people and predators have convictions?
(I hate to shatter this notion, but in reality most predators don't have records.)
EveHarrington
VIP Member
Ok you aren't understanding anything that I say.
You have very black/white thinking. This is clear in this whole thread.
- Post starter
- #27
Pixielicious
Gold Member
Thank you!!
I can't help it that I'm a hopeless romantic, I love, love. I believe in love. :clown:
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S
Sciencelover
i agree...it does seem odd that he wouldn't take things slower and be more informed about how to approach domestic violence victims specifically.
He could indeed be in love, and that could be a rare thing for him. That said, he could also have some kind of personality disorder. If he's not really hearing you and fixated on some idealistic version of the relationship, he's lost in his own projections. That's kinda immature to begin with.
It is POSSIBLE that he does make a habit of preying on fragile people, whether conscious or not. He could have a savior complex.
As for you not being in love, that's a very personal thing. I struggle with that as well because I have perfectly good guys ask me out but I don't feel anything, and then when someone really complicated and beautiful comes along, that tends to feel like love (but is detrimental and flares my trauma responses big time).
I'm getting to the point where I want to be with someone who's intelligent, stable, a good listener, empathetic, strong, loving and generally happy on his own. I no longer want to play with fire, interacting with others who also have major traumas.
I think that love can grow sometimes, but you can't force it if he really doesn't light you up at all...
He could indeed be in love, and that could be a rare thing for him. That said, he could also have some kind of personality disorder. If he's not really hearing you and fixated on some idealistic version of the relationship, he's lost in his own projections. That's kinda immature to begin with.
It is POSSIBLE that he does make a habit of preying on fragile people, whether conscious or not. He could have a savior complex.
As for you not being in love, that's a very personal thing. I struggle with that as well because I have perfectly good guys ask me out but I don't feel anything, and then when someone really complicated and beautiful comes along, that tends to feel like love (but is detrimental and flares my trauma responses big time).
I'm getting to the point where I want to be with someone who's intelligent, stable, a good listener, empathetic, strong, loving and generally happy on his own. I no longer want to play with fire, interacting with others who also have major traumas.
I think that love can grow sometimes, but you can't force it if he really doesn't light you up at all...
EveHarrington
VIP Member
Black/white------
If you don't blindly trust everyone, you must be paranoid and think every guy is an abuser.
Nope!
There is a happy medium.
If you don't blindly trust everyone, you must be paranoid and think every guy is an abuser.
Nope!
There is a happy medium.
- Post starter
- #30
Pixielicious
Gold Member
Now, this is where I do agree with you.
Yes, some of the slimy pigs who hurt women are very, very clever at not getting caught, and walking away free without convictions. :tup:
D
Deleted member 541
@Faeriefire You are so correct when you say that not all men abuse women and being parinoid isn't healthy. Being cautious is healthy, being parinoid isn't.........
- Post starter
- #32
Pixielicious
Gold Member
S
It's just that, If I started to think badly, be suspicious of every guy I meet or know, my relationship with my own sons would be horrid. And that's why I don't do it.
I've actually met women who are so paranoid about men and their intentions, that their relationship with their own son/s became non existent.
The point I was trying to make was, that's it's wrong to group all men as abusers, like I have seen it done in real life.
As for trusting... I believe in the good of everyone I meet first and foremost. I trust until I'm given a reason to not trust.
Perhaps I am foolish because I do this but I would rather be foolish than become a paranoid bitter old hag who see all men as abusers. (I'm referring to the women I've met in real life)
I apologise, I didn't mean to sound like I was accusing you personally of being paranoid.
It's just that, If I started to think badly, be suspicious of every guy I meet or know, my relationship with my own sons would be horrid. And that's why I don't do it.
I've actually met women who are so paranoid about men and their intentions, that their relationship with their own son/s became non existent.
The point I was trying to make was, that's it's wrong to group all men as abusers, like I have seen it done in real life.
As for trusting... I believe in the good of everyone I meet first and foremost. I trust until I'm given a reason to not trust.
Perhaps I am foolish because I do this but I would rather be foolish than become a paranoid bitter old hag who see all men as abusers. (I'm referring to the women I've met in real life)
I never said that his job should prevent him from falling in love. I don't even know where you got that idea, or the idea that saying something "seems like" a red flag means I am judging him. i don't know the guy. Hence why I said "seems like." You asked for advice, I gave you my impression as an objective observer. Nowhere did I judge him. I think perhaps you do have feelings for the guy if you are getting defensive about skepticism regarding his behavior.
- Post starter
- #34
Pixielicious
Gold Member
Yes, thank you.
Despite my head being in the clouds when it comes to romance, I am extremely cautious and wary....I've met some really paranoid women in real life that hate men, and think that all men want to hurt women.
Women like that make me feel sick, I call them nazi-feminists lol
- Post starter
- #35
Pixielicious
Gold Member
Nawwww, the only feelings I do have for him, is a friendship type of feeling......But of course I am going to defend him, because he is a good man.
- Post starter
- #36
Pixielicious
Gold Member
Yes, you are correct, I do indeed have a very black/white way of thinking.
It's very hard for me to go into the middle way of thinking.
However for me personally, I make my opinions based on factual analysis, I believe in wrong and right and try to weight up all options before I decide on an opinion.
It's not wrong, or right, to think the way I do.
It's just the way I am.
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