To Not Exist.


Losing someone to me feels like I'm left to fend for myself in an abusive environment. However, that isn't the case anymore.
Crazy the connections our brains make, that we have to forcibly override with our minds, amirite?

I think the first hurdle is conquering the shame of thinking I don't deserve to be happy
Try changing the concept?

If happy is too hard / seriously tangled up in trauma… or if you struggle with the whole concept of “deserve”, like I do?

- I deserve am Determined to _______ (be my best; be happy whenever I can, where I can, as I can; live life to the fullest; enjoy the hell out of myself at every opportunity; etc.)

- I deserve shall be happy exquisite.

- I shall be exquisite. I shall be fierce. I will take pride in myself, my life, my friends, my choices. I am joy, tempered by hard realities, brutal experience, & the resilience of getting up 8 times after being knocked down 7. I might be on my ass right now, but I’m getting back up, and then? Look out! 😎



New Here
I have pretty strong feelings about SI but like many here it is because I relate so strongly to your outlook. I don’t believe there is a right answer because it’s way too personal. Trying to categorize SI as right or wrong, black or white is inherently flawed imo. There’s an opening scene of Rectify S2 E1 Running with the Bull that makes me cry every time, it so eloquently argues both sides of SI. I recommend it just for a good cry. Personally, it’s very important to me although it’s an effort to not let myself watch it too often. I can spiral pretty dangerously if I let myself.

Ultimately, I don’t think anyone has the right to take or prolong another’s life against their will. It’s too personal. May not be popular but it’s how I feel about it.

You’re not alone in how you feel.