To Remember or Not to Remember - Are Memories Essential to the Healing Process?

[AmazonBelle]

I remember a lot of details from childhood and since. There are also some blank spots. I remember enough things to keep me working in therapy for the rest of my life. I've been advised by therapists that I don't need to dig to deep for anything.

The importance of remembering for me seems to be in explaining why I react, think and behave in the strange ways that I do. When I want to change something in the now, I have to seperate out today's reality from the trauma of the past. Sometimes knowledge isn't enough to change, but sometimes a single thought can change my perspective.

 

[Awakening]

WorkingThruIt (Great name BTW) you have started a most interesting thread.

I constantly research this issue. Personally I have struggles with my own memory, and I know family members who do. I'm also aware of the damage that unqualified working from home 'counsellors' can do by planting memories and the subsequent effect on families.

It is extremely frustrating to not have a concrete memory, for sure. But what I am doing is trying to deal with what I do know, rather then what I don't. Sometimes I think I distract myself with the 'what I don't know' to avoid dealing with the 'what I do know'.

Nicolette, I was not aware of your own personal trauma, and I'm sorry you have had this experience. Thank you for sharing.

 

[sunnydaze]

remember not necessary

I recently asked my therapist if it would be better to try and remember my abuse. He said the brain has a way of blocking out the trauma so we don't remember and it is best left alone. Maybe, mentally it could really tear us apart. Move forward!
sunnydaze

 

[mightsurvive]

Hi
I blocked out all memories for 12 years and then suddenly they came back bit by bit within the space of a couple of months. I hate knowing what happened but i know that seeing as i do know, ignoring them isnt going to help me recover. There are still a couple of hazy bits. I know roughly waht happened with these but no details and not what order in. I want to know about every little detail even though i know i will hate it. Does that make sense? I just think that for me i would rather know and deal with it (no matter how hard) so that i can start to heal. I worry that if i dont remember all of the hazy bits then, if i do heal, that later in life they will come back and i will have to start all over again with the healing. Just my personal opinions and worries but it is different for all of us.

 

[pandora]

Working in CBT and writing and listening to the trauma over and over....definately lessened my symptoms.so I beleive that this works...at least it did for me.

 

[dljwhitewolf]

Before I got my really bad flashbacks, (yes I remembered alot, just not the all of it.) I kept telling doctors and staff that it was something they said and something they did I need to remember.
Well the flood gates finally opened and wouldn't shut again for what seemed like an eternity.
Now I know what they said and what they did, but I would never want to remember all of the flashbacks, Lord hear me now!!!!!!!! Never.
My mind remembers what I did to change myself due to the trauma, and when one comes that I don't feel I need to go thru, I will avoid the processing of it, trying to make it not as powerful. Sometimes I have luck, most times I don't, but I truly believe you don't need to remember ever single detail. Why would I want to, I know they were sick,
but if part of my defenses was strengthened by what they did, I can work on me, like getting closer to others, when I really just want to live on a deserted island alone.