These are all such good posts. I hope mine makes sense because it's hard to cover it all, and without referencing.
I really like Thomas Merton. I read something he said recently: when someone makes their mind up to do something, and rolls over in bed and goes back to sleep, is he unmotivated? Lazy? Insincere? Uncommitted? Maybe- but likely he's just exhausted, leave it at that. It's our human nature to add more explanation and blame than is neither necessary, and definitely not at all helpful.
A few months ago I also started to look in to Compassion Focused Therapy for ptsd (Dr. Paul Gibson). I believe he said many people who have lacked self compassion use, (not necessarily his word- I can't remember) self-battery and perfectionism, because the fear of making a mistake (or preventing one) leads to less fear.
In his approach, people need to learn self-compassion, (and sometimes compassion for others, too). Then lots can become possible.
Then there are other things like, how do you define, for eg, 'getting dressed;? Does it have to include better clothing; make-up; nails; hair, or a 'particular' regimen? And therefore even the thought of the whole process is overwhelming? (Which is procrastination and overwhelm- not laziness). Or it can even involve triggers. Or something else.
One way to flip it, is to say, if now you have some support, some chance to have been off work to recover- well that is wonderful. You don't need the guilt. And anyone who loves you and is helping with that- it's something they can give. And for your part, 'the' motivation is for others (maybe for them as well and they feel good about that, to give to you?), and so it's not the 'only motivation' it is a 'great' motivation. And go from there. Breaking it down in to realistic smaller goals, and not beating yourself up for what isn't perfection.
Human beings are very very complex. If we save the energy from running ourselves down we will be happier and more capable of giving to others, too. Even if we give 'love'. We are human beings, not human doings. And today is all we've got.
And as @scout86 said, if we were able to draw self-healthy conclusions without any help or understanding why they aren't, of course we would. But that's not laziness, that's learning, even what is fear-loaded in overcoming.
And as @Mach123 said, I agree, whether someone else heaps on shame and abuse or we do it ourselves, to ourselves, we are left with bad consequences, and lots of despair.
Where would you be left, or how would you be left feeling, and what would you choose to do, if you stopped blaming yourself, for a few days or a week or 2? Would you find the blame is serving a purpose, or it's foreign to replace it with anything neutral? If it's me, I'm at a loss without knowing what else to replace it with, or replacing it with other's (non-abusive, encouraging, hopeful) words.
ETA- I do remember, because there are exercises with kindness meditatation (Re: CFT- modified- due to the obvious difficulties with self-kindness), where this Dr. Gibson says, what if you fall asleep (during)? (He says), 'Well then you need the rest'. I do recall he said he created it for people who weren't getting where they wanted to be with CBT, etc- the thoughts could be identified but people who couldn't 'believe' it all had the same quality or characteristic of lack of self-compassion (which, btw, is not their fault).
I really like Thomas Merton. I read something he said recently: when someone makes their mind up to do something, and rolls over in bed and goes back to sleep, is he unmotivated? Lazy? Insincere? Uncommitted? Maybe- but likely he's just exhausted, leave it at that. It's our human nature to add more explanation and blame than is neither necessary, and definitely not at all helpful.
A few months ago I also started to look in to Compassion Focused Therapy for ptsd (Dr. Paul Gibson). I believe he said many people who have lacked self compassion use, (not necessarily his word- I can't remember) self-battery and perfectionism, because the fear of making a mistake (or preventing one) leads to less fear.
In his approach, people need to learn self-compassion, (and sometimes compassion for others, too). Then lots can become possible.
Then there are other things like, how do you define, for eg, 'getting dressed;? Does it have to include better clothing; make-up; nails; hair, or a 'particular' regimen? And therefore even the thought of the whole process is overwhelming? (Which is procrastination and overwhelm- not laziness). Or it can even involve triggers. Or something else.
One way to flip it, is to say, if now you have some support, some chance to have been off work to recover- well that is wonderful. You don't need the guilt. And anyone who loves you and is helping with that- it's something they can give. And for your part, 'the' motivation is for others (maybe for them as well and they feel good about that, to give to you?), and so it's not the 'only motivation' it is a 'great' motivation. And go from there. Breaking it down in to realistic smaller goals, and not beating yourself up for what isn't perfection.
Human beings are very very complex. If we save the energy from running ourselves down we will be happier and more capable of giving to others, too. Even if we give 'love'. We are human beings, not human doings. And today is all we've got.
And as @scout86 said, if we were able to draw self-healthy conclusions without any help or understanding why they aren't, of course we would. But that's not laziness, that's learning, even what is fear-loaded in overcoming.
And as @Mach123 said, I agree, whether someone else heaps on shame and abuse or we do it ourselves, to ourselves, we are left with bad consequences, and lots of despair.
Where would you be left, or how would you be left feeling, and what would you choose to do, if you stopped blaming yourself, for a few days or a week or 2? Would you find the blame is serving a purpose, or it's foreign to replace it with anything neutral? If it's me, I'm at a loss without knowing what else to replace it with, or replacing it with other's (non-abusive, encouraging, hopeful) words.
ETA- I do remember, because there are exercises with kindness meditatation (Re: CFT- modified- due to the obvious difficulties with self-kindness), where this Dr. Gibson says, what if you fall asleep (during)? (He says), 'Well then you need the rest'. I do recall he said he created it for people who weren't getting where they wanted to be with CBT, etc- the thoughts could be identified but people who couldn't 'believe' it all had the same quality or characteristic of lack of self-compassion (which, btw, is not their fault).
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