Today Is The Day

[FindingMyself88]

Thanks everyone! So the meeting went okay. I decided against sharing about my PTSD with him. I have a long enough list of health issues (head trauma, hip issues, diabetes, gastro issues, blood pressure issues) that it was explainable without the PTSD. I just told him that my doctor felt that even returning to work part time right now would put too much strain on my body as working at Chick Fil A, I would be constantly moving, lifting, stooping, etc. Not to mention the responsibilities of being a manager. I told him that school was even having to be lowered to part time right now. He said he understood and that if I got to where I could come back, they would be glad… I gave him back my store keys and told him I would stay in touch.

The thing is if I get my service dog this year, I will be looking for a job that I can take my dog with me, as I feel this will enable me to cope better. But that is not right now and at least the meeting is over with.

Thank y'all again for the support, this is a totally new aspect for me to do whats right for me and it feels very weird. However my T really thinks this will give me time to do some things to encourage myself. She says I am too hard on myself and that I need to allow myself to enjoy life. I love going on nature walks, so as the weather gets better I will start doing that more.

 

[HelenB]

I am so glad to hear it went well. Well done. You deserve it and I hope you really can find the time to look after yourself and find the time for the things you enjoy too, as that is such a big part of healing too and is so much what is needed.
God Bless
Helen

 

[M4gg1e]

It's 2.21am here in Ireland and I've just signed up to the PTSD Forum. Amazingly I could almost echo word for word what I've read as I'm in almost exactly the same situation. I know for my own good I need to leave a job I have loved for over 16 years but am at a critical stage in my life where I really need to take "me" seriously.

Without going into too much detail, I'm a victim (hate that word) of abuse both sexually, mentally and emotionally. My sister and I are also adult sufferers of continued emotional abuse by our mother. I've coped (probably like you) for years and years being the pro-active confident "can-manage-anything" wife and mother but now I've just imploded. No confidence, scared to tell anyone what's really going on and don't even want to leave the house. It seemed to have happened overnight. I woke up one day and just couldn't fake it any more.

Knowing that leaving my job will give me more time to heal, help me to find myself again and aid in my not being under any more unnecessary pressure is pushing me toward "feeling" I have the right to hand in my notice but having to meet with the Principal of the school where I work and tell her is terrifying me. I feel guilty, I feel like it's letting everyone down, I feel fake, a voice in my head is saying "what the hell is wrong with you, you love your job" ( which believe me I have done, each and every year but now it's something I just can't face). I suppose a feeling you might share with me is that I don't feel I have the right to feel like I do.... I feel I don't have the right to have broken down, to be so incredibly depressed, to be so unhappy, so listless, so lacking in enthusiasm. I don't WANT to be any of these things, and neither do you but.... that's where I'm at. Not everyone understands and that sucks.

When you are diagnosed with a physical disease, people are concerned and think you brave to battle through medication and healing. When you're depressed, everyone wants you (in the kindness possible way, head to the side, half smiling and mmmmming) to snap out of it. Anyway, I'm rambling.

The day I have to talk to my school Principal I'm going to (i) have a long shower (ii) put on clothes that I like (iii) take time to dry my hair the way I want to (iv) put on some make-up (v) have a good breakfast then (vi) maybe make some notes about what I want to say and (vii) get my sister or my husband to drive me to the school (don't want to go alone) and take deep breaths, keep telling myself I'm important and that where I'm at in my life MATTERS..... then go for it. I hope this helps Finding Myself 88 xx

 

[Barconian]

The sky was blue today :)