Today Sucked.

[Jimmy1]

lmao. I never actually look at people profiles much as to where they are etc. That is why I usually ask where they are in this world and how far along on the treatment they are.
My comments stand no matter what sex the person with PTSD is.

I will change the comment from a better man than me to a better person than me.
I don't know how you work with PTSD

Thanks for the laugh.

Jimmy

 

[Mockingbird13]

Razor - I knew you were a woman.... you didnt catch me off guard - I remember being stationed at Camp Geiger in North Carolina and being 1 of 5 women on the whole base....... ahh those were the days. LOL

Hope youre having a better day ...

 

[Steph_F]

Crap! ((great big forgive me I'm a dumb ass big HUG)) :D

 

[Razorback]

:)

It's cool. I can always use a good laugh.

 

[deborah l. boylan]

Razorback,
Boy! Does your situation sound so familiar! Work and PTSD doesn't usually work. In my experience, those who are still in the military or retired tend to gravitate towards high pressure positions. Not a good combination, as I have found out the hard way, with PTSD. I've been, and still am some days, right where you are. Please continue with the counseling. It takes time and you will never be the way you were, but it can help you to learn how to manage the days when the world is coming down on you. Not being able to do the work that used to bring you so much satisfaction is frustrating and adds to the guilt load that you already have. Been there, done that! Take care of yourself. People, even those in the military, don't always understand what PTSD is and how it affects people. Hope things get better for you and your stress load gets lighter!

 

[Brian Jones]

People, even those in the military, don't always understand what PTSD is and how it affects people.

Amen! Most have no idea... And I wouldn't wish it on any of them.

 

[Razorback]

Thanks, Deborah. I believe you to be right about counseling and time. The counselor I've been talking to for the past week thinks that my work is more than enough for anyone, let alone someone who may be facing PTSD issues. She very kindly chastises me about putting work and others needs before my own. I hope to one day find more of a balance. Like you said, Deborah, I want to learn to manage those days when the world seems to be coming apart at the seams.

I can't begin to stress how amazing my boss has been through this. At first I had trouble communicating with her about what was going on, but she has stuck with me and through both of us trying we have really moved forward. She has offered me support and wants me to understand that I have a job for so long as I want it. She just wants me to be honest with myself and her if/when the job is causing more harm to me than help.

I don't know what I've done to deserve such caring, concerned, and supportive people in my life but I am thankful for everyone of them. That includes all of you.

Thanks.

 

[Razorback]

Some days, it seems like things are looking up and other days it seems like it is a fast trip down. I've seen the counselor a couple of times that is here on campus. Our last meeting was on Monday and was after the whole drama of my boss and co-worker confronting me about their concerns. The weekend was pretty harsh. I seemed to bounce all over the place emotionally. I struggled a lot with just considering to put an end to everything. I made it through the weekend and when the counselor asked on Monday I struggled but I honestly told her what was going on. There was some hard conversation. In the end I consented to turning over my bullets to my pistol to the counselor "for safekeeping". I also said I wouldn't drink any alcohol.

She keeps telling me that the first part, the initial part, is the hardest part. Honestly, I just don't want to be here. I really don't want to be at this point in life. I feel like I'm screwing everything up and am letting everyone down. Though I didn't act on anything this weekend, I think it has shown me that I can't trust myself or be as sure of myself as I have been.

I'm really just trying to make sense of some of the stuff going on and my feelings about it.

Ah hell, my body is starting to crash from lack of sleep. I wish it was next week already.

P.S. No hot water again, so no relaxing bath!

 

[deborah l. boylan]

Thank God you gave her the bullets to your gun! As much as you don't want to be here right now and want the pain to stop, please call someone before you take such a drastic step. We've all been where you are and know the feelings of guilt and helplessness. You can get through this time in your life. I won't sugar coat it and say that it will be easy, but you can do it. You've already started by reaching out here on this forum and seeing a counselor. Keep going. It can help. Hang in there girl, we're here for you!

Hope you get your hot water fixed soon. Take care Razorback!

 

[Razorback]

Thanks Deb.

 

[Jimmy1]

It does all seem too much sometimes I know.
I remember when my wife left with the kids. I remember being so alone, down and having nothing to look forward to.
I think you have to hit rock bottom. Once your there, your on solid ground and every step you take from there on, is for the positive.

I am a drug addict who has not used in 573 days, I stopped smoking cigarettes after 25 years, 206 days ago.
I also had a problem with alcohol and went alcohol free for nearly 2 years. I can have a drink now, but cannot control it. I am lucky to have a partner now who can watch. If there is 6 beers there, I will drink 6, if there is 12, I will drink 12, and if there is a carton, I will give that a nudge too. I don't want to tempt myself with spirits.

Basically I am saying if I can conquer these things then anyone can. I don't see myself as a person with a strong will.

Razorback, there is light at the end of the tunnel. It does not seem like it, but its there. Just keep plodding along.
Baby steps.

We are all here for you if you have any questions. Or we can just be here to listen.

Keep your chin up and be proud.

Jimmy

 

[Razorback]

Thanks, Jimmy. I really appreciate everyone's concern and encouragement. Y'all are really great.