Today Sucked.

[Razorback]

It has been a hell of a week. It started out with no hot water, yesterday I had no water and had taken the day off to try to clean my pigsty of a house couldn't do it, and I worked all this past weekend.

Things haven’t been going well at work. I’ve asked for time off. I’ve tried to tell people my workload has been too high. More just keeps falling and I keep dropping.

Last night the boss calls to let me know we need to talk. The boss schedules a meeting for this morning. I call a friend/co-worker after talking to the boss and we have a long conversation. This morning I show up to meet with the boss and they stress that the action they are taking isn’t punitive and there is no HR documentation, but they feel that I have too much on my plate. Really?!?! I think I said that, but whatever. I hate it happening like this because it feels like I’m letting my work team down. The boss went over how irritable and everything I had been with people. Talked about me snapping at people, having trouble keeping up with tasks and such, and a lot of my co-workers expressing concern. A few people had said I seemed like I was going to go over the edge.

So, I thought that would be it. Nope. I got a call about 1:00 PM from the boss asking me to meet at 1:30 PM. I head up to the office wondering what the hell is next. Turns out my co-worker/friend and boss had been chatting and were deeply concerned. Co-worker was worried about our conversation last night and about my posting of depressive music on Facebook. I work on a college campus, so to get them off my back I agreed to go meet with a counselor. Co-worker/friend made the appointment and walked me over.

I know that I am all over the place right now and people can’t understand why I just want time away from everyone and everything. It isn’t a great time for it, but who chooses this?

I’m embarrassed and I feel like I’m letting everyone down. I understand there is a problem. I get that I’m angry and lashing out, doing damage to my work relationships. Am I depressed? Hell yeah. I feel overwhelmed, like it all depends on me. I don’t see a lot of hope in things improving, just more work piling up on me. In the meantime I can’t focus and I’m working in a construction environment wanting to crawl under my desk with each shake of the building.

I’m trying to make it through the intake at the Vet Center. We are on our third meeting in trying to complete the intake. The counselor I spoke with today (from the University I work for) said I need to take some time off and cut some of my responsibilities. Go figure.

I don’t know where this road goes. All I can say for now is that I’m trying.

 

[Jimmy1]

Razorback, generally people with combat related PTSD rarely work. If they do, its volunteer, or work from home. Somewhere they can just stand up and say enough and walk away.
Its a 'Stress' disorder, so being in a stressful place just does not work. Also with those disassociative moments where your off with the pixies for a while does not get you into trouble.
I suppose in Australia its different. It takes a long time and a intricate process to be classed TPI, Totally and Permanently Incapacitated. Generally you have to have lost a limb, be in a wheel chair for life, or have PTSD.
Once you have been classed this, there is a stipulation that you are unable to work for more than 8 hours a week.

Personally I would give my left nut to give the card back and work, just as long as I have my health back the way it was.

Our psychs usually write on our documents 'Unable to work in the foreseeable future'. It speaks for itself.

Good luck to you mate, I don't know how you do it, or any of you that work in a standard workplace and have PTSD.

 

[Steph_F]

Keep Trying! Don't give up, ok? I bet you have more fortitude within than you realize. Take a deep breath and push on! We're here for ya!

 

[Razorback]

Jimmy, work and PTSD don't seem like a great combo for the most part. I've read different people's post on here about just how rough it is. I'm good at this job because of the my military background. I put teams together, train them, develop them, and I handle crisis response. I create, I invent, I adapt and overcome. It is the management and playing well with others that really gets me.

Steph, I keep trying. We've had some tough issues in my area the past couple of weeks. My staff have kept chanting the motto from Dori in Finding Nemo..."Just keep swimming. Keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Swim, swim, swimming." I've not hit rock bottom yet, but it is getting pretty close. Thanks for the encouragement.

 

[Steph_F]

I hope you can find something relaxing to do over the weekend and re-charge and re-energize yourself! If you ever hit rock bottom, put your hand up, and someone here will reach down and pull you back on your feet! ...if you were a chick I'd be all ((hugs)) right now, but since you're a guy, I'm gonna be all ((awkward pat/rub on the shoulder)). LoL

 

[Jimmy1]

Well Razorback, your a better man than me. Yet on the other side of the coin, if our country treated our veterans the way some of yours get treated, I might be having to work and juggle PTSD too.
Good luck mate

 

[Mockingbird13]

Razor - You've had a heck of a week and then some . Anybody would feel overwhelmed after all of that. I hope you take Steph's advice and do something relaxing this weekend for yourself . If you're like me you will try and then you'll start thinking and then...ugh you stress out. But remember, you are only human and you are (1) person.

Its difficult when others start to analyze everything you do- sometime you just want to tell them to get their own life and get out of yours .

Hang in there... we are here for you ! :D

 

[Ted Moen]

Jimmy, work and PTSD don't seem like a great combo for the most part. I've read different people's post on here about just how rough it is. I'm good at this job because of the my military background. I put teams together, train them, develop them, and I handle crisis response. I create, I invent, I adapt and overcome. It is the management and playing well with others that really get,,,

It is not about your ability to do your job well ... it is about the level of stress you experience in your work environment and how that level of stress impacts your ptsd symptoms. If you have not yet filed your claim for ptsd with the va do it now. If you are formally diiagnosed, you are entitled to reasonable accommodation at work including time of due to your work related stress levels. Plus, if the reasonable accommodation becomes unreasonable in your employers opinion, they wiil have to specifically terminate your employment due to ptsd, which will result in 100% total and permanent when the administrative processes play out.

ptsd and the workplace do not mix well ... volunteer stuff is good

ted

 

[wife of]

when you go for a mornigns swimming sometimes its good to get out on the poolside and just paddle for a while before jumping back in.......poss time for a wee vacation or sabatical????

 

[Brian Jones]

Last night the boss calls to let me know we need to talk. The boss schedules a meeting for this morning. I call a friend/co-worker after talking to the boss and we have a long conversation. This morning I show up to meet with the boss and they stress that the action they are taking isn’t punitive and there is no HR documentation, but they feel that I have too much on my plate. Really?!?! I think I said that, but whatever. I hate it happening like this because it feels like I’m letting my work team down. The boss went over how irritable and everything I had been with people. Talked about me snapping at people, having trouble keeping up with tasks and such, and a lot of my co-workers expressing concern. A few people had said I seemed like I was going to go over the edge.

Oh, man I know how you feel, at least in part. Your story sounds very close to what happened to me which is why I am no longer a cop and I have a problem holding my tongue. You need some time off, I think that counseler will be a good thing. Your office workers will understand, your not letting them down.

Peace brother!

 

[Razorback]

Mockingbird, THAT is exactly what happens!

All, thanks for the encouragement, support and insight. I would like to correct one thing-um, and that is....I AM a FEMALE.:cautious:

Everytime I look at my profile it says it, so...:tdown:

I'm not offend, it just added a little humor I needed. I'm use to getting called "man", "brother", and every other phrase because I worked in a shop of 80 and there were only 5 females. So it really is cool. I'm not a ball busting feminist and I'll take those hugs, Steph!:tup:

This reminds me of before I deployed. In my unit, they were always mixing me up with this male who had the same last name and initials as I did. We were about the same age and I think our birthdays were in same month. So, I go for the med clearance before we are to ship out. I'm sitting waiting for the Doc because my check list said I needed a "tst exam". I'm looking around and the women are walking right on by because we did our women's checks off base and got to skip the Doc. I get to thinking about it and stop a nurse and ask what exam is a "tst exam"? They look at it and tell me it is for a testicular exam. I look at them and say, "Think I can skip that exam?" They look at me and say not if it is on your paperwork to get it. I talk to the head nurse to get it cleared up and it turned out that I had the other Robinson's checklist. He kept wondering why he was going to have to get paperwork from his off base Gym. He thought they had misspelled "Gym".

The mix up use to happen all the time. In billeting, I'd often end up with an opposite gender roommate and have to find the other Robinson so we could swap.:D

 

[Brian Jones]

Mockingbird, THAT is exactly what happens!

All, thanks for the encouragement, support and insight. I would like to correct one thing-um, and that is....I AM a FEMALE.:cautious:

LOL! I am very sorry, and very embarrassed. :oops: I will promise it wont happen again! :D