Today Was The Same Day As When My Trauma Happened A Year Ago.

[UpTillDawn]

It's tomorrow at either 1 or 4 PM, so 13 or 16 hours away. Or already, if I count it from midnight, in which case I'm 18 minutes in.It was the secondary trauma, but already I'm finding myself extremely triggered. It feels stupid to 'remember' the date and have that as a trigger, but I got through the trauma by counting minutes, days, tiles on the wall, stitches in my clothing, etc. so I guess counting has just become embedded as part of it or something like that.

I have work tomorrow. Only a 4 hour shift, but there's an important meeting I can't skip. I called in sick today, so I can't tomorrow.I don't know how to deal. Already I'm considering just drugging myself up not to feel it... but then I'm not sure I could properly 'socialize' with co-workers. Also, I'm likely to add more onto my normal PRN dose. I feel the need to make connections at my job because I'm fairly new.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling or whatnot... It's just... I don't know how to deal with this, and I'm feeling pressured by myself to not f*ck up my life again.

 

[Friday]

Same token, since you called in sick today, you're more likely -to their way of thinking- to still be sick tomorrow.

Work is my saving grace. Gets my mind out of my head (whoops, brain fell out, just mind that problem). It's when I'm not working I go off the reservation. But sometimes work is simply too much to handle. What is needed is to crawl back into bed, or take myself to the sea or the snow, and just not be responsible for anything else in that moment. Anniversaries are a bitch. I can barely remember my own birthday, but every Autumn like clockwork my insomnia kicks into high gear. Every 12May, 10Nov, 17Feb? 5Dec? Effed in the head. Huh. Irony. Those dates are in the right order. Or they would be if I put the years next to them. Point being: Do what you feel is right. Not what you want to be right, but what is. Leads to a lot less regret in the long run. My 2cents.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Be kind to yourself. Do what you need to do to get through the day but to stay safe at the same time. Work is sometimes a great distraction for me. My actual anniversary date of one of my traumas is coming up. It's never been on a school day yet so I haven't had to face working on the actual day. Last year I invited friends to come visit. This year we are doing the same. Even though I want to hide and be alone, the distraction of having people I am close to around helps. I do plan to take some time off around then though and the months that follow because it wasn't just one day. It's not stupid to remember the date and be triggered, it's just what is. I hope you find ways to comfort yourself and take care of yourself.

 

[FindingMyself88]

@FridayJones Nov 10 is my birthday…but its not a great day. especially this year as my latest trauma happened just a week prior.

@UpTillDawn Friday is right, sometimes it takes a few days to get over a sickness. If you think work would be too much, then it probably will be. Do you have a good doctor? My doctor was/is (can't see her again until January, long story) amazing! She actually suspected PTSD and sent me to a psych to get diagnosed. Due to a head injury she worked close with me and when she noticed my PTSD was worsening my headaches, she took me out of work. Prior to that though if I was in a really bad place and had to call out, she would write me a note for school or work. I know I have a relationship with her that not many have though, but maybe its an option?

Otherwise, do things that distract you in a positive way as best as possible. I know I will be needing my own advice in November. Do you like to read, paint, draw, knit, etc? I find those things help engage me mentally while relaxing me physically. Of course you have all of us here to talk to. You can make it through this!

 

[arfie]

I treat trauma anniversaries like an incoming hurricane. I can see it coming. I lay in provisions, batten down the hatches and let the winds blow. Each hurricane is unique, no matter how closely I follow the weather reports. How I weather the storm depends on the individual storm. In my case, I have multiple anniversaries to weather, so I get lots and lots of practice. I sometimes feel like a tiny, Caribbean island. Not even big enough to have my own flag, but somehow I keep surviving.

Gentle validation, UpTillDawn. You can get through this.