Bees Are Awesome
Silver Member
Sending out positive energy and good vibes for you! I don't post often but I have followed your threads and I just wanted you to know I'm rooting for you. Thank you for your example of bravery.
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Tomorrow Is Here, But Today I'm Floating
- Post starter mytai
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- Status
- Post starter
- #28
E
Echo
Stand tall in the truth, @mytai - this is your time. You will be heard. Sending love, light and all forms of healing your way. Echo x
- Post starter
- #31
The Albatross
VIP Member
Thoughts are with you today, sometimes I find a focal point on each person to look at (like a button, a tie, or an ear ring and try to concentrate on what I am communicating... like I'm talking to myself out loud. It helps me to not make eye contact but when I am finished speaking I try to listen and attend.
Try to remember that how you carry yourself is part of non verbal communication. Remember to pause as you need to and breathe. Breath holding only ramps up the anxiety. All you can do is the best you can gal. Be as clear and concise as you can.
Try to remember that how you carry yourself is part of non verbal communication. Remember to pause as you need to and breathe. Breath holding only ramps up the anxiety. All you can do is the best you can gal. Be as clear and concise as you can.
E
Echo
Yes, I can, though it is costing me every last ounce of strength and nervous fibre in my body, but like you it must change the energy in the situation, because we are standing up for ourselves and that can't be changed. And we are doing it in a very prepared manner, rather than reactively, as we might have done in the past. Let's go for it.
E
Echo
@mytai - how are you? Are you ok? Don't respond until you're ready, but I just got an alert to say you liked something so very glad to see you're back around.
- Post starter
- #35
Rough day. Very rough day. I'm going to warn all of you that plan on trying to read this that it will be long, and in some parts pretty hard to follow, my mind is still whirling right now.
I barely slept through the night, I think I might have managed a total of an hour of dozing on and off. I was up sick a lot, puking, gagging, and nauseas. The minute I locked my front door to leave and start heading over to the centre to report I got more and more anxious, my heart started racing more. It was a bad idea to drive myself there, I really should have committed to my prior plan on taking a taxi. I stopped to get a tea for myself on the way there.
I got to the centre about 20 minutes early. I wanted to give myself enough time to settle in, just in case the police actually came right at 9am. I spent 15 minutes just pacing right outside the centre's doors, then the last few minutes when I was waiting for my T to arrive, I had gone inside the centre, said hi to the volunteer, dumped my stuff in the room we were going to be in, and started pacing the halls and waiting room of the centre.
My T got there just after 9am I think, she let me pace for a little bit before she stopped me to make sure I knew she was there, that I was aware of where I was. She kind of did a check in with me to see where I was at. She said to do whatever I needed to do to stay present, but let me know she was available if I needed to talk. Her and the volunteer sat in the room and talked while I paced. I started to get nauseas again, ended up leaving briefly to puke, brush my teeth, and then I went back into the centre and started pacing again.
The people at the sexual assault centre were great to me, they let me pace, sit in the middle of the floor, do what I needed to do. When it was time for other clients to start coming in, they just showed me where was ok to keep pacing so I didn't interfere with the flow of people coming in. I got tired of pacing, I started to get more anxious doing that, so I went into the room with my T and the volunteer and I sat on the floor and wrapped myself in the blanket I brought with me. I put my headphones in and turned on my music.
My T came over to me, she reminded me that it was important for me to stay present, and to not get too annoyed with her if she kept me from dissociating (she laughed after she said this, I think so I knew that she wasn't being judgemental about it). The centre called the police for me again (I had called an hour before I got there), just to see what the time frame was on having an officer come out. My T was really good about keeping me informed. I must have dissociated a bit while I was there, because I remember her gently shaking my shoulder to bring me back.
The police arrived, initially they sent a female officer out, but two male officers arrived instead. My T let me know before they walked in about the change, she also got me to get up off the floor and to sit down in a chair around the table. The officers were polite and they kept their voices soft with me, which helped to not freak me out. They ended up directing it into the report pretty quickly, my T was only supposed to be there to explain PTSD and dissociation, and how those two affect me, but that's not how it went. She ended up sitting through the major chunk of the report, she interrupted the report a few times to make sure I kept breathing and also to remind me that it was not happening now, it was in the past, and reminded me of the reasons I wanted to report (reasons I told her in her office before). She would also occasionally breathe really loud to remind me to breathe deep.
I was surprised she stayed for that, I thought she would have interjected and said her piece then left, but she didn't. She stayed, when the second officer had my T and the volunteer step out of the room with him for a few minutes, she explained to that officer about PTSD and dissociation, and I was left with the other officer. He has a few clarifying questions while they were gone, asked a few questions to get me to elaborate on things I had said.
At some point in this my T and the volunteer came back into the room, and both officers stepped out for a few minutes. My T let me know she had told them about the dissociation and educated them on it a bit, she also said that the one officer felt like he had built up a bit of trust with me and wondered if I felt it would be easier to talk with my T and the volunteer out of the room. I told her no, that I needed at least one of them in with me, I didn't feel ok being alone with two males. My T asked if I wanted her to stay, if I wanted both of them to stay or one of them to leave, I told my T that I didn't think she was actually going to stay for the report, and I was surprised she did, but that I knew she probably had other things she needed to do or appointments with other clients. So my T got ready to leave, and I'm not sure exactly what she said, but it was either call me after, or you can call me after. Either way I haven't called my T (I see her tomorrow afternoon anyways).
The volunteer stayed with me, she was very supportive and encouraging. The officers took a lot more time to go over any other incidents I remembers information about. The officer frequently read out what he had written to see if it needed to be corrected or added to. They locked my statement in front of me, wrote down the lock code generated on the screen and then had me check to make sure it was the same code and initial next to it. They asked if I was ok with them requesting the medical records related to the two recent assaults from the hospital, and also from my T, any notes she had about assaults I had talked about.
I asked about getting a restraining order, they gave me information on how to obtain one, where to go for it. The volunteer and I went straight to the courthouse after to try and get a restraining order. I got into the office and they told me the process. I had to fill out paperwork to request one, then the Justice of the Peace would review it while I waited, they would call me in after for clarification if they needed it, then a court date would be assigned, my great-uncle and I would have to appear before a judge for it to be implemented. I told her that I could NOT be in the same area as him, that it wasn't safe for me, she said they might be able to work out a solution for that. I nearly puked on the desk right then when she said that.
I sat out in the waiting room and filled out all the paperwork, and then waited to be called into a courtroom. I had to go in alone, the volunteer wasn't allowed to come with me. The Justice of the Peace said they wouldn't grant me one because I didn't have a legal right or some fancy word for it, he told me that they also wouldn't approve step 1 (to then get a court date) because it would take 30 days to get in front of a judge, and it would also be considered "doubling up" on protection, so they wouldn't issue one unless the police decided not to charge my great-uncle. So long and complicated story short, I won't be issued a restraining order against my great-uncle unless the police don't lay criminal charges against him, which even then they may not issue a restraining order until I find out why charges weren't laid.
The reporting was hard and I was already whirling from it after, but the trip to the courthouse really screwed with me. I wish I hadn't gone to the courthouse. I went because I thought it was best to deal with all the hard stuff when it was fresh, rather than wait. Big mistake. I just messed myself up worse. I am in a very unstable state right now. I probably should have called my T after, but I didn't - poor choice on my part. I might end up calling the crisis line at the centre tonight because I'm having so much trouble dealing with this.
I want to cry but I can't find the tears, I want to scream but my voice is hoarse, I want to cut but I'm trying to fight it because it's not a good coping skill.
I barely slept through the night, I think I might have managed a total of an hour of dozing on and off. I was up sick a lot, puking, gagging, and nauseas. The minute I locked my front door to leave and start heading over to the centre to report I got more and more anxious, my heart started racing more. It was a bad idea to drive myself there, I really should have committed to my prior plan on taking a taxi. I stopped to get a tea for myself on the way there.
I got to the centre about 20 minutes early. I wanted to give myself enough time to settle in, just in case the police actually came right at 9am. I spent 15 minutes just pacing right outside the centre's doors, then the last few minutes when I was waiting for my T to arrive, I had gone inside the centre, said hi to the volunteer, dumped my stuff in the room we were going to be in, and started pacing the halls and waiting room of the centre.
My T got there just after 9am I think, she let me pace for a little bit before she stopped me to make sure I knew she was there, that I was aware of where I was. She kind of did a check in with me to see where I was at. She said to do whatever I needed to do to stay present, but let me know she was available if I needed to talk. Her and the volunteer sat in the room and talked while I paced. I started to get nauseas again, ended up leaving briefly to puke, brush my teeth, and then I went back into the centre and started pacing again.
The people at the sexual assault centre were great to me, they let me pace, sit in the middle of the floor, do what I needed to do. When it was time for other clients to start coming in, they just showed me where was ok to keep pacing so I didn't interfere with the flow of people coming in. I got tired of pacing, I started to get more anxious doing that, so I went into the room with my T and the volunteer and I sat on the floor and wrapped myself in the blanket I brought with me. I put my headphones in and turned on my music.
My T came over to me, she reminded me that it was important for me to stay present, and to not get too annoyed with her if she kept me from dissociating (she laughed after she said this, I think so I knew that she wasn't being judgemental about it). The centre called the police for me again (I had called an hour before I got there), just to see what the time frame was on having an officer come out. My T was really good about keeping me informed. I must have dissociated a bit while I was there, because I remember her gently shaking my shoulder to bring me back.
The police arrived, initially they sent a female officer out, but two male officers arrived instead. My T let me know before they walked in about the change, she also got me to get up off the floor and to sit down in a chair around the table. The officers were polite and they kept their voices soft with me, which helped to not freak me out. They ended up directing it into the report pretty quickly, my T was only supposed to be there to explain PTSD and dissociation, and how those two affect me, but that's not how it went. She ended up sitting through the major chunk of the report, she interrupted the report a few times to make sure I kept breathing and also to remind me that it was not happening now, it was in the past, and reminded me of the reasons I wanted to report (reasons I told her in her office before). She would also occasionally breathe really loud to remind me to breathe deep.
I was surprised she stayed for that, I thought she would have interjected and said her piece then left, but she didn't. She stayed, when the second officer had my T and the volunteer step out of the room with him for a few minutes, she explained to that officer about PTSD and dissociation, and I was left with the other officer. He has a few clarifying questions while they were gone, asked a few questions to get me to elaborate on things I had said.
At some point in this my T and the volunteer came back into the room, and both officers stepped out for a few minutes. My T let me know she had told them about the dissociation and educated them on it a bit, she also said that the one officer felt like he had built up a bit of trust with me and wondered if I felt it would be easier to talk with my T and the volunteer out of the room. I told her no, that I needed at least one of them in with me, I didn't feel ok being alone with two males. My T asked if I wanted her to stay, if I wanted both of them to stay or one of them to leave, I told my T that I didn't think she was actually going to stay for the report, and I was surprised she did, but that I knew she probably had other things she needed to do or appointments with other clients. So my T got ready to leave, and I'm not sure exactly what she said, but it was either call me after, or you can call me after. Either way I haven't called my T (I see her tomorrow afternoon anyways).
The volunteer stayed with me, she was very supportive and encouraging. The officers took a lot more time to go over any other incidents I remembers information about. The officer frequently read out what he had written to see if it needed to be corrected or added to. They locked my statement in front of me, wrote down the lock code generated on the screen and then had me check to make sure it was the same code and initial next to it. They asked if I was ok with them requesting the medical records related to the two recent assaults from the hospital, and also from my T, any notes she had about assaults I had talked about.
I asked about getting a restraining order, they gave me information on how to obtain one, where to go for it. The volunteer and I went straight to the courthouse after to try and get a restraining order. I got into the office and they told me the process. I had to fill out paperwork to request one, then the Justice of the Peace would review it while I waited, they would call me in after for clarification if they needed it, then a court date would be assigned, my great-uncle and I would have to appear before a judge for it to be implemented. I told her that I could NOT be in the same area as him, that it wasn't safe for me, she said they might be able to work out a solution for that. I nearly puked on the desk right then when she said that.
I sat out in the waiting room and filled out all the paperwork, and then waited to be called into a courtroom. I had to go in alone, the volunteer wasn't allowed to come with me. The Justice of the Peace said they wouldn't grant me one because I didn't have a legal right or some fancy word for it, he told me that they also wouldn't approve step 1 (to then get a court date) because it would take 30 days to get in front of a judge, and it would also be considered "doubling up" on protection, so they wouldn't issue one unless the police decided not to charge my great-uncle. So long and complicated story short, I won't be issued a restraining order against my great-uncle unless the police don't lay criminal charges against him, which even then they may not issue a restraining order until I find out why charges weren't laid.
The reporting was hard and I was already whirling from it after, but the trip to the courthouse really screwed with me. I wish I hadn't gone to the courthouse. I went because I thought it was best to deal with all the hard stuff when it was fresh, rather than wait. Big mistake. I just messed myself up worse. I am in a very unstable state right now. I probably should have called my T after, but I didn't - poor choice on my part. I might end up calling the crisis line at the centre tonight because I'm having so much trouble dealing with this.
I want to cry but I can't find the tears, I want to scream but my voice is hoarse, I want to cut but I'm trying to fight it because it's not a good coping skill.
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