Too much stress and money woes and shame

[Muttly]

Short version I am broke and have been for some time. I am actively working to change my situation but as many of you know, it's hard to get out of poverty. I had a plan that looked hopeful.

But then my car broke down. It's been broken down for over a month now. The bill to fix it is outrageous. I don't really see other alternatives. I don't have the money. I can't get a financing because I recently filed for bankruptcy. I live in a small town miles away from my job. Bus service from my town to where I work is extremely limited and doesn't run on Sunday, one of the days I work. I also pet sit and drive to those jobs. I need a freaking car. Part of the reason my car broke down is probably my own stupidity so that makes everything worse.

And now my cat is sick. And it's put me over the edge. I can't cope. I'm so stressed I can't think. I am taking him to work today. I work at a vet clinic. It will hopefully be fairly cheap. Some of you may remember me posting about him in the past. He has health issues and I was afraid he wouldn't survive in the spring but he turned the corner. So I'm scared for him. Probably he is fine but I don't know. And I don't have the money. And him being sick is probably my fault too, because he snuck outside when I was letting my disabled dog out the other day. (Someone inside says I always f*ck up)

And money is a shame issue. And yeah, I know it is for a lot of people but... it's all tied up into the dad. Maybe money is a trigger. I can't even think... no, what is a trigger is needing financial help from others. That gets into ownership. Well, from the dad. (I own you because I paid for this. UGH). I just sent my sister a text asking for money. She's not really even my sister because my family of origin is too toxic and the only way I'd get support from them is to be abused. Ok, it would just be verbal at this point so probably not a big deal. She's my family of choice or whatever you call. It doesn't seem right I should be taking from her when I'm not even true family. And of course, according to the dad, being poor and/or needing help is proof you are a failure. And yeah, I know those are his messages and I am trying to leave them behind but right now they are spinning through my brain crazy loud.

So... not sure what I'm asking for. I guess just support? What I do not need is financial advice. I understand my situation. I know what my options are. I have good real life advice. GGah, maybe this whole post is just a pointless whine. Sorry. I am spinning. I know I am spinning

 

[grit]

I know those feelings too well.... Hope u find your footing.

 

[VioletButterfly]

I can very much relate to your struggles. Sending support, light, and hugs if that's okay. :) VB

 

[HealingMama]

Hang in there. Hope Kitty is ok and the universe helps sort this out for you.

 

[somerandomguy]

Reading and here with you, even though I don't have anything to say. ? :hug:

 

[Muttly]

Thank you all. I will probably have more to say tomorrow but for now, a cat update.

He got some good care at work. Some parts of that were certainly rough on him, but on the good side he ate some tonight. And I just looked over at him and he's sleeping but in a much more normal position instead of how he was in the last day. So, hopefully he will start feeling even better in the next day or two.

 

[blackemerald1]

I just want to commiserate with you about f*cking cars!!!! ugh.... I hate them... My car has been on its last legs for several months and I was told... repeatedly to go get another. But, in order to get to the dam car yard I need a car!! The absolute last thing I want to do right now is spend money on a car... but I too so need one. This f*cking country has virtually no public transport that is reliable and consistent enough to make getting around feasible.... aaaargh! If I was a friggin politician I'd DO something MAJOR about that right NOW! Whew... vent might be over...not sure. Sorry, didn't mean to derail your thread, if I did.

So, I weighed up my options and went for fixing my car. I swallowed that bitter pill and spent the money. Now it's broken again... aaargh!

I've got no animals right now but I know the stress of having a sick companion from past experiences. I'm so glad your cat is recovering.

I know what it's like to be so broke that asking for money is the only option left. I hope you work your way out of it and never look back. :hug:

 

[Muttly]

Well my sister is going to help and probably another friend is going to help and then maybe I have enough money. My mortgage will be late but oh well. I know I should be happy they are helping but right now I just feel like a complete failure. I can't get that thought or feeling or whatever out of my head

and... this is stupid but there is a one day trip I've been planning for almost a year. It's a concert. it's not a big name band so the concert ticket wasn't that much. And I'm spending the night there because it's across the state and a long drive so a while ago I paid for an airbnb but now I feel I have no right to go. I mean, I'm not even sure how I'd get there. I do have a loaner car from the mechanic but driving it 250 miles/400km doesn't seem right. And I'd still have to scrounge up the money for the pet sitter... and most of all, if I am having other people help me I don't really have the right to have fun. But this trip has been something that has helped us keep going. We haven't gone to a concert in over 20 years. And we are just being stupid and whiny. we need to get over it and suck it up and forget about it and focus on getting our stupid life in order

and this needing money is our own fault. if we had stayed in our previous career we wouldn't be this broke. so again, its our fault and we have no right to be taking help (money) from others

///

@blackemerald1 I agree with you about public transportation in the USA. Even in some of the big cities it's not good and once you get out of them it can be terrible.

 

[Muttly]

why is everyone being so nice. I have multiple friends trying to find ways to help. I need to make it stop. I'm taking advantage. I'm being a burden. I should have kept my issues secret.

I don't deserve all this freaking niceness.

 

[somerandomguy]

I don't deserve all this freaking niceness.

Well, I think you do. I bet a lot of people here agree with me, too.

You just might be the only person who thinks that.

 

[blackemerald1]

if I am having other people help me I don't really have the right to have fun.

And we are just being stupid and whiny. we need to get over it and suck it up and forget about it and focus on getting our stupid life in order

if we had stayed in our previous career we wouldn't be this broke. so again, its our fault and we have no right to be taking help (money) from others

^^Whoa! Would you like a shovel, barrow and truck to help pile all of that guilt shit on you a bit higher?

Come on @Muttly - remember this... "no man is an island" or similar quote...

Right now you need some assistance and well.. later on, any or all of those people might need some assistance of a similar nature or even different help themselves.

Maybe when that happens you will be in the right position to help them out.

Maybe they will feel like they can ask you if that happens. Wouldn't that be a good feeling.

You do deserve help.

Life is a circle or a series of circles in terms of giving and receiving.

I'm sure they don't expect to be in your position in the future and nor do you. Hard times are never intended afterall. But you know damn well how life can sort out and ruin the best laid plans and intentions. Life can turn to crap very quickly indeed. And the mighty, high earners etc are just as prone to hard and lean times as anyone else. You are not alone Muttly.

Many people on this forum and in your real life rely on others for help one way or the other.

The trip for the concert. Idk... I can see the benefits of going and that would be so good for you.

But logistically if it is too difficult then are the tickets worth anything? Can you sell them off or perhaps gift them to someone who has helped you?

I do think you are worthy of the trip to the concert. Nobody who has helped you would deny you a little bit of joy... surely? It's just whether or not it is possible and I do agree with the loan car... a big trip is probably not a great idea in it. But maybe you could ask the mechanic? Being upfront is a good idea in these circumstances.

I'm so glad you have sorted out the money to get the car fixed. I hope it gives you a decent run now.

 

[Friday]

I have a motherf*cker of a time identifying most of my CD/CB, so if you’re already on top of this? File in the round file ;) But in case you’re like me and don’t even see them, much less how much it’s affecting you?

- I need to make it stop.
- I'm taking advantage.
- I'm being a burden.
- I should have kept my issues secret.
- I don't deserve all this freaking niceness.

I would reeeeeeally suggest you look at all 5 of these under Core Values (and Cognitive Distortions, but especially Core Values). Because they repeat over and over and over in your life... and every time they come up? You’re shredded by them. For damn good reason. It’s a pit of crocodiles.