BloomInWinter
VIP Member
My current main task in my life at this point...1 1/2 years after official diagnosis...is learning 'Affect Regulation' a.k.a. 'distress tolerance.'
I have used addiction, excoriation (skin picking), avoidance, dissociation (the BIG one for me), workaholism, co-dependency, busyaholism, etc. but I'm still just a little toddler when it comes to learning to comfort myself without maladaptive external behaviors.
"Interference in development of affect regulation/tolerance skills."
A final impact of severe childhood maltreatment appears to be that of insufficiently-developed affect
regulation (Pearlman, 1998). This concept refers to the individual’s capacity to control and tolerate strong (especially negative) affect, without resorting to avoidance strategies such as dissociation, substance abuse, or external tension-reducing behavior (Briere, 1992). This capacity is thought to develop in the early years of life (Bowlby, 1988), although it usually continues to develop thereafter. The normal development of affect regulation capacities is briefly described here, so that its mis-development in the severely abused can be more clearly appreciated. As well, it will be suggested later in this chapter that affect regulation skills can be learned later in life, generally in ways parallel to their development in a healthy, normal childhood environment."
"The child who develops in a generally positive environment is, nevertheless, likely to encounter a variety of surmountable obstacles or challenges, ranging from small frustrations and minor discomfort to momentarily unavailable caretakers. In the context of sustained external security, the well cared-for child is thought to learn to deal with the associated uncomfortable (but not overwhelming) internal states through trial and error, slowly building a progressively more sophisticated repertoire of internal coping strategies as he or she confronts increasingly more challenging and stressful experiences (Briere, 1996). At the same time, since the associated discomfort does not exceed the child's growing internal resources, he or she is able to become increasingly more at home with some level of distress and is able to tolerate greater levels of emotional pain. This process appears to be self-sustaining: as the individual becomes better able to modulate and tolerate distress or dysphoria, such discomfort becomes less de-stabilizing and the individual is able to seek more challenging and complex interactions with the environment without being derailed by concomitant increases in stress and anxiety."
"In contrast to those with good affect regulation skills, however, severely abused or neglected children have been exposed to insurmountable affective obstacles, such as extreme neglect, emotionally intolerable physical or sexual abuse, or chronic, invasive psychological maltreatment. In such instances, affect regulation skills are less likely to develop, given the danger and ongoing emotional pain that overwhelms and precludes trial-and-error skills development."
"Instead, as noted later, the abuse victim may become expert at using more powerful (but generally more primitive) dissociation, thought suppression, distraction, or other avoidance strategies that allow continued functioning in the face of otherwise potentially overwhelming distress. Unfortunately, however, these same defenses, by virtue of their effectiveness, further preclude the development of more sophisticated regulation capacities."
"As a result of inadequate opportunities to develop affect regulation skills, the formerly abused adult may be subject to affective instability, problems in inhibiting the expression of strong affect, and may have difficulty terminating dysphoric states without externalization or avoidance. Because the individual is unable to adequately modulate his or her emotions, he or she may be seen as moody and emotionally hyperresponsive, and as tending to overreact to negative or stressful events in his or her life. In the absence of sufficient internal affect regulation skills, the individual may respond to painful affect and activated negative cognitions with external behaviors that distract, soothe, numb, or otherwise reduce painful internal states, such as substance abuse, inappropriate or excessive sexual behavior, aggression, bingeing or purging, or even self-injury (Briere, 1992; Briere & Gil, 1998; McCann & Pearlman, 1990). In this regard, the survivor of extreme abuse and neglect may have to deal with two interacting sets of difficulties: the triggering of sudden abuse-related memories, cognitions, and painful affects in the interpersonal world, and the relative absence of affect regulation capacities that might otherwise allow regulation and resolution of these triggered responses." Source: Link Removed
I'm learning to change how I speak to myself. How to comfort myself. How to 'pause, think, respond' rather than react.
I remember being ticked at my T. when he was telling me that my chronic dissociation was 'primative' LOL...which I of course took as a judgment against my intelligence or morals instead of the clinical description he meant it as.
I have a teddy bear I use now for the worst things. Taking long hot showers works. Being on here works. But these are still external, though less maladaptive.
So...what coping skills are helpful for tolerating difficult emotions when triggered?
I have used addiction, excoriation (skin picking), avoidance, dissociation (the BIG one for me), workaholism, co-dependency, busyaholism, etc. but I'm still just a little toddler when it comes to learning to comfort myself without maladaptive external behaviors.
"Interference in development of affect regulation/tolerance skills."
A final impact of severe childhood maltreatment appears to be that of insufficiently-developed affect
regulation (Pearlman, 1998). This concept refers to the individual’s capacity to control and tolerate strong (especially negative) affect, without resorting to avoidance strategies such as dissociation, substance abuse, or external tension-reducing behavior (Briere, 1992). This capacity is thought to develop in the early years of life (Bowlby, 1988), although it usually continues to develop thereafter. The normal development of affect regulation capacities is briefly described here, so that its mis-development in the severely abused can be more clearly appreciated. As well, it will be suggested later in this chapter that affect regulation skills can be learned later in life, generally in ways parallel to their development in a healthy, normal childhood environment."
"The child who develops in a generally positive environment is, nevertheless, likely to encounter a variety of surmountable obstacles or challenges, ranging from small frustrations and minor discomfort to momentarily unavailable caretakers. In the context of sustained external security, the well cared-for child is thought to learn to deal with the associated uncomfortable (but not overwhelming) internal states through trial and error, slowly building a progressively more sophisticated repertoire of internal coping strategies as he or she confronts increasingly more challenging and stressful experiences (Briere, 1996). At the same time, since the associated discomfort does not exceed the child's growing internal resources, he or she is able to become increasingly more at home with some level of distress and is able to tolerate greater levels of emotional pain. This process appears to be self-sustaining: as the individual becomes better able to modulate and tolerate distress or dysphoria, such discomfort becomes less de-stabilizing and the individual is able to seek more challenging and complex interactions with the environment without being derailed by concomitant increases in stress and anxiety."
"In contrast to those with good affect regulation skills, however, severely abused or neglected children have been exposed to insurmountable affective obstacles, such as extreme neglect, emotionally intolerable physical or sexual abuse, or chronic, invasive psychological maltreatment. In such instances, affect regulation skills are less likely to develop, given the danger and ongoing emotional pain that overwhelms and precludes trial-and-error skills development."
"Instead, as noted later, the abuse victim may become expert at using more powerful (but generally more primitive) dissociation, thought suppression, distraction, or other avoidance strategies that allow continued functioning in the face of otherwise potentially overwhelming distress. Unfortunately, however, these same defenses, by virtue of their effectiveness, further preclude the development of more sophisticated regulation capacities."
"As a result of inadequate opportunities to develop affect regulation skills, the formerly abused adult may be subject to affective instability, problems in inhibiting the expression of strong affect, and may have difficulty terminating dysphoric states without externalization or avoidance. Because the individual is unable to adequately modulate his or her emotions, he or she may be seen as moody and emotionally hyperresponsive, and as tending to overreact to negative or stressful events in his or her life. In the absence of sufficient internal affect regulation skills, the individual may respond to painful affect and activated negative cognitions with external behaviors that distract, soothe, numb, or otherwise reduce painful internal states, such as substance abuse, inappropriate or excessive sexual behavior, aggression, bingeing or purging, or even self-injury (Briere, 1992; Briere & Gil, 1998; McCann & Pearlman, 1990). In this regard, the survivor of extreme abuse and neglect may have to deal with two interacting sets of difficulties: the triggering of sudden abuse-related memories, cognitions, and painful affects in the interpersonal world, and the relative absence of affect regulation capacities that might otherwise allow regulation and resolution of these triggered responses." Source: Link Removed
I'm learning to change how I speak to myself. How to comfort myself. How to 'pause, think, respond' rather than react.
I remember being ticked at my T. when he was telling me that my chronic dissociation was 'primative' LOL...which I of course took as a judgment against my intelligence or morals instead of the clinical description he meant it as.
I have a teddy bear I use now for the worst things. Taking long hot showers works. Being on here works. But these are still external, though less maladaptive.
So...what coping skills are helpful for tolerating difficult emotions when triggered?
