Toolkit: Affect Regulation

[BloomInWinter]

This is generally better for me though I struggle still.

But I am glad it is nothing like it was.

 

[votedmostcheerful]

I realize that as I navigate the world, I too do feel stronger and do not feel like I am the lesser one because of trauma. I now struggle with the opposite (i.e., like I am in a sea of people who are not self-actualized and they keep bumping into me and throwing me off course). This (people not owning their own issues and then taking them out on me) causes my PTSD and panic attacks because this is similar to my original trauma. My mother's Narcissistic Personality Disorder was scary dangerous and destructive. So when others act out of their own stuff on me, I get really scared.

I am Dealing with an anxious parent right now, a woman I thought was my good friend, who feels threatened by my friendship with another woman whom she would like to be best friends with. So, she has been spreading rumors about me to her and not allowing my kids to play with her son and the the other woman's child. Sounds like middle school but she's freaking me out!

 

[Springer80]

I've been breaking out in crying fits - a SHOCK to my hubby and kids (and to me!), shaking, escaping to the bathroom to breathe...well, guess that's avoidance...

The stuff hits so fast it's hard to even realize I've been set off until I'm reacting. SO frustrating!

I'm trying to "Pause........Breathe..........Think........Respond" to all things making me feel like an immediate threat is happening. Some success, lots of frustration.

Hi,

You know I went through quite a long phase where I cried alot. Sometimes it would just start on its own, sometimes cos I was physically drained etc. It wasn't that I was triggered or hormonal or depressed. I did cry at loads of films. I decided not be a crusader and I restricted my emotional diet to nice things only. So I boo hoo'ed at Fried Green Tomatoes etc. Sometimes I think my body needed to cry. No 'proper reason' for it as such, just I needed to release the tension. :)

 

[Harmon456]

"judgement against my intelligence or morals". Now that had me on the floor:) Nicely stated BloominWinter.

 

[Springer80]

Sheesh...just having to find even more things as I get 'deeper' into the traumas is proving to be a challenge.

Most stuff works a bit but the past few days the urge to fall back into self-harm or drinking has been so strong. I ended up using distraction, a hot shower, eating too much....and rumination. The last two were just giving up and sitting in the feelings but I wasn't hurting myself.

I am struggling but will keep trying.

Sounds like its hard but you seem to be doing amazingly well. :) I think 'ending up' using hot showers and :bag: is okay really. It's definitely better than things which are actively bad. Good luck for the progress to come! X

 

[BloomInWinter]

My CBT T. and I are working this issue to help me stay present and move the memories off to the side until I am safely able to address them.

It's a marathon, I suspect.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I had to use these skills while shopping because of several screaming children whose caretakers ignored them all throughout the Walmart. Ugh!

 

[Loloma]

Hi Bloom, it's been a year since I visited this thread. It seems like everything and nothing has changed. I got over the divorce and moved on. Shifted from Europe back to Australia, lived with my son and grandkids, which was a good distraction for me.

I got myself into a position where I can work part time and have moved into a place of my own. All within six months and I am quite proud of myself for that. At my age 63, I haven't done to bad. Now comes the crunch. I am slipping back into my destructive pattern. Not going to bed until after 1am, not eating properly, and generally not taking care of myself.

Even though I'm working I have too much time on my own to THINK. The past comes flooding back, memories resurface, loneliness sets in. Sadness over lost opportunities, bad decisions and wrong choices I made. To the outside world I'm dong great. But really I'm not. I'm still that lost, abused and neglected child that my mother wanted to drown when I was born.

I can't block out the memories or the pain, the deaths and the sadness that remain.

You seem to be making progress, and I am pleased for you. If you have any tips for me I would be greatful. :hug:

 

[BloomInWinter]

I'm going back to my old treads to see how I'm doing.

WOW. WHAT a difference a year makes. Now, I have plenty of affect regulation skills in my toolkit. I use them so frequently they've become automatic in most cases. It's really raised the bottom on my 'lows' most of the time.

If I could go back and talk to my newly diagnosed self, I'd tell myself to stop rejecting my T.s, get to DBT and work it hard, and learn to meditate. DBT skills was the true 'firm ground' I was able to build my recovery on.

I wonder what this next year will bring?

 

[BloomInWinter]

I no longer have issues with outbursts, as I am using good assertiveness skills most of the time and address things as they come up rather than allowing them to simmer. The DBT skills were very helpful in this process.

As my self-esteem has gotten better, I no longer get easily irritated by people, places, and things I can't control.

The biggest change is that I almost never have feelings of being overwhelmed. Stressed at times, irritated, annoyed, yes...but nothing I don't have the skills within to handle.

Now, what I'd like to do is be able to 'open up' my trust more in my safe loved ones and healthy friends and supporters. Only, do it appropriately and not look to people for 'more' than they are willing/able to give.

These are the goals I have for my affect regulation for 2013.

• notice and acknowledge when I have loving feelings towards others
• try to communicate with others more frequently and effectively through phone, email, and in person
• ask for more information/input before being annoyed.
• reach out to my friends more often

 

[Loloma]

Well done Bloom, sound very positive and obtainable.

I need to change my thinking and way of doing things. Isolating myself is a bad habit I have and go up and down like a yo yo.

Next year I will definitely go out and meet more people, perhaps join a club. Really need some sort of social activity.

 

[The Albatross]

These are the goals I have for my affect regulation for 2013.

• notice and acknowledge when I have loving feelings towards others
• ask for more information/input before being annoyed.

Nice work and goal setting on this thread Bloom... two of your's I would be well served working on too this coming year. :tup: